The One They Left Behind

E I G H T E E N

Despite believing that her talk with Jonathan would be the end of her involvement in his problem with Renee, Rose found herself still thinking about it for the next few days.

Renee had been insufferable in school, she was extra rude and moody whenever she talked to Rose and seemed to be snapping at everyone except Diana, who Rose still wanted to have a chat with.

She knew Sam had noticed that her mind was always somewhere else, but she was thankful that he hadn't pried too much, Rose hadn't told him about Jonathan being back yet and the longer she put it off, the harder telling him became.

It was infuriating, really. 

***

That Friday, she spent her lunch period tutoring one of the younger students with their French, which also helped her get some space from everyone who seemed to be overwhelming her.

Sam walked in as Rose was putting her things away, a broad smile on his face. He brushed his sandy face back, giving Rose a quick, almost awkward kiss as a greeting.

"Hey, how was the tutoring?" He asked, "did you manage to have enough time to eat some lunch?"

Rose nodded, giving him a little smile. 

"Do you want to go to the diner for lunch on Sunday? I know it's your day off." He asked, leaning on one of the desk.

Rose paused stacking her books. Now would be the perfect time to tell Sam about Jonathan, she could explain that she couldn't do anything on Sunday because she was going bowling with her brother.

"I can't" She paused, "I've got a family thing." She said quickly. She couldn't tell why it felt so hard to tell Sam about Jonathan, maybe she was just afraid to explain everything and so say nothing was better. Maybe she was just afraid of letting a little piece of her story be given to someone else.

Sam looked a little disappointed, but pasted on a smile quickly.

"Well, why don't we go out for lunch on Monday then? It'll be good for you to take a break from all the work you've been doing." He offered, the grin on his face immediately making Rose feel a little more at ease.

"Monday. For sure." She said, warmth settling in her chest at the smile on his face. 

She stepped into his arms and held him tight for the last few minutes of lunch, letting herself forget about Jonathan and the distance she had forced between Sam and her for just a moment.

***

Rose felt like screaming when Diana caught up to her after class, she felt like she had dealt with enough confrontation for one day.

Although they walked in silence for a minute, it felt louder than any conversation they'd had in a long time.

"Clay said he talked to you about what happened and asked me to check on you." Diana started, casting a quick glance down at Rose.

"Yeah, he wanted to apologize. I'll call him later to check in." Rose said. She still wasn't sure where their conversation would be going and kept herself as guarded as possible.

"Look, I honestly didn't know that telling Renee would be that big of a deal. I wouldn't have done it if I'd known how much trouble it would cause everyone. You've got to believe me Ro, I didn't mean to hurt you." Diana pleaded, her green eyes large and doe-like. 

Rose twisted at her fingers, trying to put her thoughts into proper words.

"I get why you did it, know" She said after a minute. "You're still feeling a little outcast from Renee and you're trying your best to get back into her good graces, even if that means telling her secrets that aren't yours to share." 

Diana's eyes widened and her jaw dropped slightly.

"I can't fault you for wanting to have a sense of normalcy back in your life, I can't imagine what it must be like to come back and feel like a stranger with people you've known almost your entire life. I just wish you didn't use my brother and I as a way to get it." Rose explained, trying to keep her voice level even as it began to shake.

"It's not like that. I wasn't trying to use you..." Diana tried to speak, but seemed to be at a loss for words, not able to finish her sentence.

"I'll see you later Diana." Rose said, the exhaustion sinking back into her bones as she walked away from a still silent Diana.

Her stomach clenched once she turned away from Diana, wondering if she had been too mean and said too much. Maybe she shouldn't have been so harsh, maybe she should have kept most of it to herself. Even though she knew she couldn't change what she had said, Rose couldn't help but overthink it all.

Making a quick decision, she pulled out her phone to make a call.

"Hey Angel, what's up?" Clayton greeted.

"I don't know what to do Bear. I just talked to Diana and I don't really know how to deal with the weirdness that's still between us." She said, leaning her forehead against the cool metal of her locker.

"I think you're dealing with it really well all things considered. I mean, she's my sister and I love her, but Diana definitely seems to think that you'll just fall to her feet and forgive her the second she comes back. It's not great, but it's what she's used to I guess." Clayton replied and Rose could imagine him flopping backwards onto his bed as they talked.

"I just don't know how to talk to her anymore. Like really talk to her, the way you and I talk." Rose said sadly, tucking the phone in between her shoulder and her ear as she began grabbing her things for the weekend.

"If you want to get to that point in your friendship again it'll take time, but you were pretty close so you'll probably get back to that eventually." He answered softly.

"That's not all." Rose sighed, "I'm still not sure about telling Sam about Jonathan" 

Clayton was quiet for a minute.

"I think you really need to tell him. I mean, it would be way worse if someone else mentioned it and we both know that could be an actual possibility." He said, adding a strained laugh to lighten the mood. 

"I know, I've just been putting it off for so long that I don't know how to bring it up anymore." Rose said, closing up her locker and heading towards the front of the school.

"At this point you just have to do it. It's not the most helpful advice I know, but it's the truth." Clayton answered.

"Ok fine, I promise I'll talk to him about it on Monday. I just, I don't know, I can't yet." She said pitifully.

"It'll be hard, but I know you can do it." Clay said fondly.

"I've got to go, I'm about to drive. I'll call you later?" Rose offered when she had made it to her car.

"For sure. Bye Angel." 

"Bye Bear."