The One They Left Behind

T H I R T E E N

"What are you doing here?" Rose asked her brother incredulously.

"I was in the area so I thought I should come check on you." Jonathan answered, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans.

"I haven't heard from you in almost four years, why are you showing up now?" Rose asked, her grip on her backpack straps tightening.

"I didn't have anywhere else to go." He said simply, his eyes not leaving hers. "Look, I know I've been a shit brother for the past few years but I just need a place to crash, you don't even have to talk to me." 

"I have to go to work." Rose explained, desperately trying to look away from his intent stare.

"Just let me use the house keys and I'll let you in when you get back." He offered, holding out his hand expectedly.

Rose just raised her eyebrows in response, giving him a pointed look.

"Right, I guess it's too much for me to ask for your trust after this long." He resigned, pulling his hand back awkwardly.

"I'll be home by six, you can stay in your old room. Dad won't be home until late." Rose said, moving past him to get to her car.

"Wait, you didn't give me the keys. What am I supposed to do until then?" He asked, following behind her.

"It should give you enough time to figure out how you're going to explain why you haven't talked or visited in more than three years." Rose answered, climbing into her car and heading out, leaving the school with one last look at her brother through the rearview mirror.

***

"Hillary! I'm freaking out and I need help." Rose yelped as soon as she entered the gallery, grabbing her friend and pulling her into Rose's usual classroom.

"What's going on? Are you okay?" Hillary asked, looking over Rose for injury, immediately concerned.

"I don't know, my brother's back." Rose whispered, her eyes wide and filled with unshed tears.

"Why's he back?" Hillary immediately asked, looking as confused as Rose felt.

"I have no idea, he said he needed somewhere to crash so I said he could stay, but he has to tell me why he's been gone." Rose explained quickly, her voice quiet.

"I can't believe this, he's gone for years and doesn't tell you why he's back?" Hillary asked incredulously. 

"That's just the way he is, I'll get him to tell me everything and then I'll update you, I promise." Rose answered, suddenly feeling tired and ready to hide. 

"You sure you'll be okay?" Hillary asked, her hands reaching for Rose's shoulders.

"Yeah, don't worry about it. I'll text you later tonight with all the details." Rose promised, offering a weak smile that Hillary returned. 

When Ben, the new trainee walked in, she knew it was time to put everything to the side and get to work. 

***

Rose locked eyes with her brother, who was sitting on her front step as she pulled into the driveway later that night. His eyes were cast down, staring at his shoes, and she couldn't believe that he was still here. 

"Hey," she said softly after getting out of her car. "Let's go inside." 

The door creaked open, the dark and empty house seeming more foreboding to Rose than it ever had. As the siblings walked into their family home together, Rose began to feel more awkward about his presence in the house. 

Despite how wrong it felt, she brought him into the living room where she sat him down.

"Do you want something to eat? I was just going to warm up some frozen leftovers for dinner." Rose offered, standing in the middle of the room.

"No, I'm fine." Jonathan said, rubbing his arms lightly. "Could you sit down? You're making me even more nervous than I already was." 

Rose eyed him carefully, making careful note of the way he avoided her gaze, sitting on the edge of an armchair. 

"Are you gonna explain yourself anytime soon? Or do I need to wait another three years." Rose said, putting as much bite into her words as she could. She instantly regretted her harsh tone, when Jonathan winced a little, shrinking further into the couch.

"I've spent the last three years couch drifting, I just had to get away after everything." Jonathan blurted out, looking up and meeting Rose's eyes for the first time since they had come inside.

"That doesn't explain why you haven't visited or why you're here now." Rose interjected, her arms crossing over her chest, not wanting to let him see how nervous she felt.

"I, well, I just couldn't come back. I tried a couple times, but I'd lose my confidence and wake up somewhere else." He explained, looking away from Rose again, staring at the floor next to his feet.

"Do you think it was any easier for me to be here? I went to bed every night for months praying that it was all a dream and that you would wake me up for school the next morning. But you were never there." She said, trying her best to hold back tears. "Look, you back to your life. You've seen me and I'm fine, so you can go back without feeling guilty."

"I'll find somewhere else to stay, but I think I'm gonna stay in town for a while. I just want to talk to you and get to know you again. You're pretty much grown now and I want to get to know this version of you." Jonathan said, looking up at her with pleading eyes.

It was the first time since he had arrived that she really got a good look at him. She had been so preoccupied with getting answers that she hadn't seen the dark bags under his eyes or the way his eyes darted around slightly, as if looking for something in the shadows of the room.

"Fine, stay in town. I'll meet you for lunch or something." Rose agreed, suddenly feeling exhausted. She was rewarded with a tentative smile and the two siblings hugged awkwardly as Jonathan left. 

She texted Hillary explaining what had happened before shutting off her phone and warming up some dinner, trying to decipher what had happened that night.