The One They Left Behind

N I N E T E E N

Rose spent most of Saturday night FaceTiming with Sam, he played a video game while she did some homework, talking to one another. It was relieving to know she could still feel close to him even when she felt she was distancing herself by not telling him about Jonathan. 

The next day, Rose couldn't help but twist and pull at her fingers as she sat in the passenger set of Jonathan's car, heading to the bowling alley.

Jonatan's eyes kept drifting over to her, his eyebrows scrunched together.

"Ok. What's going on." He finally asked.

"What do you mean?" Rose answered, bowing her head so that her auburn hair could cover her face.

"Something is obviously on your mind. You've got tells for when you're nervous." He said, nodding his head to her tightly entangled fingers.

"Oh." Rose said and she immediately tucked her hands under her legs, unable to not feel guilty for some reason.

"Look, I'd rather you tell me what's on your mind now so we can enjoy the rest of the day. I don't want you to be stressed out and nervous. That kind've defeats the point of trying to become close again." Jonathan explained. He pulled into a parking spot at the bowling alley before turning to look at Rose expectantly.

Rose nodded, closing her eyes to try and calm herself down before she said anything. 

"So I've been dating this guy for the past couple of weeks. He knows I have a brother, but doesn't know you're in town and doesn't know anything about you being in rehab or anything like that. I know I should tell him you're in town, but I also don't know how much more I should tell him. I guess I just wanted to know what you want me to say about it." She said, evading her brother's eyes.

"I know you've told some friends about it and it's not something I want to be ashamed of, it'll be a part of me and my life for as long as I live. Honestly, it's up to you to decide how much you're comfortable telling him. If you feel like there's something holding you back look at what that means for you and your relationship, there should be enough trust there for you to tell him." He explained, giving Rose a soft smile.

"Jeez. When did you get so deep?" Rose muttered after sitting in stunned silence. 

He grinned, a light blush covering his face. "I guess my time in rehab changed me more than I thought." He said, rubbing the back of his neck. 

They sat in silence for a couple minutes, allowing Rose to take the time she needed to think about her relationship with Sam.

***

Despite everything Jonathan and Clayton said, Rose kept quiet. Even as weeks passed by and the warmth of the September air turned into the chill of October, she hadn't gotten any closer to telling Sam that her brother was back in town and was trying to mend his bridges after a stint in rehab.

Her brother seemed to share her communication issues, he still hadn't talked to Renee. Whenever Rose came across her in school, she could feel Renee's eyes burn holes into her back as she avoided her burning gaze. 

She could tell Renee was getting more and more impatient, they were running into each other more often than ever, and instead of being rude to her, Renee would look at her expectantly every time they saw each other. Rose could only assume that Renee expected her to be the messenger for whatever Jonathan wanted to tell Renee. 

Her interactions with Renee made her feel on edge most days, and she knew Sam was growing more concerned about the way she was acting.

"Are you sure you're ok? You just seem preoccupied lately." Sam asked one Monday halfway through October. He had carried Rose's books to her locker after class, which had become a habit of his.

"Yeah, I've just been busy. Mme. Boudreaux said Kalani, the grade nine student I've been tutoring, has been doing really well now and hopefully she'll stop needing a French tutor soon." Rose answered, pretending that was all she was preoccupied with.

"Then you'll be able to take a break and relax, yeah?" Sam asked, taking her hand as they began to walk to the parking lot together. 

After school, when Rose didn't have work, the two of them would normally hangout. Although it had started with just studying together and the odd kiss, there were days when they were much less interested in the studying part.

It was in these moments where they were making out that Rose stopped thinking about telling Sam about Jonathan. In fact, it was hard to think about anything at all.

"My parents want you to come over." Sam suddenly blurted out as he walked Rose to her car.

"What? Today? I have work." Rose said, her heart racing. 

"No, not today" Sam smiled softly, "They want to meet you. I mean we've been going out for around a month now and they're curious I guess." 

Rose pulled her hand out of his as they stood next to the driver's side of her car. She began to twist her fingers together and couldn't quite seem to meet Sam's eyes.

"Um, sure. Yeah, okay I'll meet your parents." She answered, taking quick glances at his face and pretending to be a lot more confident than she felt.

"Great!" Sam beamed, "I'll let them know. You don't have to be so nervous though, I'm sure they'll like you." 

He gave her a kiss and stepped back as she got into her car and began to pull out of the parking lot.

"Today? I have work? Stupid, stupid, stupid." Rose muttered to herself, clenching her steering wheel much tighter than was necessary. She felt much more stressed about this than she had expected she would. Just the thought of meeting Sam's parents and letting them judge her made her feel small. 

Despite how she was feeling, she didn't breathe a word of it to Hillary when she got to work. Although Hillary attempted to ask what was wrong, the two of them were too busy with their students and an upcoming art show to have any time alone to talk.

***

Rose had calmed herself down by the next day, it felt nice to be progressing well with Sam, even if she was nervous and anxiety riddled. 

The two of them sat together during their Chemistry class, and Rose gave Sam a soft grin as soon as she saw him, knowing she had acted quite nervous the day before.

"I was thinking we could go to that cafe by the park after school today, we could study for the test next week." Sam suggested, his voice quiet to not disturb the teacher at the front of the class.

"Sounds like a plan." Rose said before focusing on the blackboard again.

"Maybe you could come over Saturday for dinner?" He suggested, successfully distracting her from the notes she was copying.

"This Saturday? I mean I have work in the morning, but yeah, dinner should work." Rose rambled, tapping her pencil on the lab bench.

"Great. Saturday it is." Sam beamed, squeezing her unoccupied hand before finally turning his full attention to the notes in front of him.

"Saturday." Rose whispered under her breath, her hand tightening almost painfully around her pencil before she forced herself to relax on an exhale. She would be okay.