Eyes On You

XI

1st April 2020

Hi diary! I'm back! I guess you'd be needing a re-entry in my life. Today was my first day of college. You know what I saw? I saw HER entering too. I noticed that our outfit was the same! I sat at a seat at the back corner of the class. What shocked me was that she was in the same class as me and she came and sat right next to me! She didn't recognize me at first :( But later after thinking hard she did. She was confused as to how I remember her when we didn't talk or see each other for years. Then a girl came up to us and said that we were a cute couple. She even squealed over the fact that we had matching outfits on. I was blushing hard the entire time. Thankfully no one noticed. Her one statement made my day.

"Now I know his point of view too. He saw me entering the college? Yeah, the time I was taking a pledge that I won't let people enter my life. And he was blushing?" I laughed.

5th April 2020

She left the class during the beginning of the fourth period today. I searched for her in the whole premises. Later I saw her entering through the gates. I went up to her. I couldn't ask her where she was so I made up a stupid excuse of a pencil just to talk to her which she apparently took from me (according to me) to make notes when I clearly know that she never makes them. Then I did an even more stupid thing of asking her to buy me a new one. She was totally pissed st me. I've got to admit that 'that' WAS the lamest. I was finally about to ask her that where was she all this while but she cut me off. She was going to say something but she stopped mid way and started walking away. I quickly ran up to her and stopped her. I asked her what was she about to say but didn't complete. She snapped at me and said that I should stop bothering her all the time. My heart broke into a million pieces. All this while I was making assumptions that I am quite bothersome. But am I that bad? I didn't join any of my classes afterwards. I didn't want to face her. I just sat on a bench nearby. At hometime she came and sat next to me. Then she apologized to me. Can you imagine?! She said 'sorry' to me!! I was quite shocked. After that we went to buy the petty pencil. Although she clearly said it, I still considered it a date. I quickly went to the shelf where pencils were kept and picked the most cheapest and simplest one. I mean, why should I waste her money? I am not even freaking fond of pencils. That was one of the reason I picked up the simplest one. I realised that she asked me to take two, although sarcastically. I picked another one of the same kind. We went to the counter and she payed for it.  I wanted to change her mood. We bought two ice creams and I payed for them. The smile she gave me while happily eating the ice cream was priceless. She is so cute.

"I- I don't even know what to say after reading this... Whether I should be mad at myself for yelling at him and making him feel sad or be happy that he cared about me and even after all of that tried to make me happy?"

22th April 2020

I went to college and she wasn't there. I called and texted her but she didn't reply. She came late. The teacher asked us to submit our assignments. She hadn't done it. She was the only one who hadn't done. I didn't want her to suffer alone so I told the teacher that I didn't do it too. I mean I love her, I can sacrifice at least this much for her? And I get to spend time with her too. I wish I hadn't done it. Why did I waste my time when I was anyway getting detention? During recess I asked her the same question I asked her on the first day and she replied to me referring to me as a bunny. Then she called me a cute bunny!! I started blushing and unfortunately she noticed. I thought I should make an escape and told her that I going to use the washroom and she said that I should enjoy blushing there!! How embarrassing!

"He is so damn cute!"

During detention she confronted me for lying about not doing the assignment. I told her that we're 'friends' so I did it. We talked for sometime then she got up to use the washroom. I wanted to ask her that how long did we have to wait for the detention to get over cause it was time. So I got up and pulled her by her hand. Her leg got twisted and we ended up falling with me on top of her. NOW! Starts the main part! I was staring straight into her eyes. I couldn't help but lean in to kiss her. But you know what?! She leaned in too!

"Main part". I chuckled.

I ALMOST kissed her but the freaking teacher incharge came and told us to go home. My heart was pounding out of my chest. It still is. The progress I couldn't make in years of school, I finally made it in college. Wait, was it progress? No, it wasn't. But still, why the hell did that teacher have to come then?! Ugh. How am I gonna face her tomorrow. Should I apologize? Without actually doing anything I'll feel awkward and apologize. What was she thinking then. Is she still panicking like me? I don't think so. I am the one who has a crush.

"I was tired so I didn't really think and just slept and he was there freaking out at his house?" I laughed.

23 April 2020

I sat at my seat in the classroom. I was so damn nervous about how I'd face her? How she'd react. She came in, sat beside me and looked sleepy? Did she even remember? I was staring at her. She suddenly looked to my direction and I tensed up.

"I remember him getting flustered"

I was waiting for her at the cafeteria. She came and stared at me like for a good 2 minutes. I started to get worried. I decided to not think about yesterday's incident and behave normally like she was.

"He noticed me staring!! Wait! He thought I was acting normal so he was? Yeah right, the night before he was panicking." I chuckled.

After that we went to the Arcade! I always dreamt of going with her. Finally!! I won all the games as I said. After that we bought pizzas and ice creams. I know that after going to arcade she generally eats pizza so I ordered pizza.

"Finally" lol

30 April 2020

She zoned out in class today. I asked her what was she thinking, she said she just remembered a random post. I didn't believe her but didn't ask any further. I even used my aegyo! Might be something personal.

"Shit! How did he figure out?"

After that I took the opportunity and asked her about going to the karaoke. I had planned to sing 'Break my heart'. It's not that I relate to the whole song but that one line hits me hard. It makes me contemplate my decision of loving her. Would I ever be loved back by her? Will I end up heartbroken?

We sang songs together for an hour. I remember the time when I got jealous that the others got to hear her sing. But now I am the lucky one. I got to sing with her. I planned the last song to be the one that I already had in mind. I looked at her. She chuckled. Probably didn't expect such a song from me. I sang the whole song not facing her but after the last line I looked at her. One part of me wanted an answer to the question that has been haunting me for years and the other part of me said that I'm stupid to expect an answer. She looked totally confused. I gave up.  I ended up not speaking a word afterwards. She looked deep in thoughts the whole way back. I guess I should stop expecting much.

"So he did expect an answer. I wish I had given him the answer that he wanted. Told him that he would get the love that he deserves back and won't end up heartbroken."

4th May 2020

I have been sick since three days. I missed her like anything. So I thought I should go to college. But being sick didn't help at all. By the end of the fourth period I started feeling dizzy. I thought instead of throwing or doing anything and embarrassing myself infront of Y/N I shou-

"Aish this Pabo! First of all he shouldn't have come. Second, why would he get embarrassed infronnt of me? I would've helped him."

I should go back home. Anyway I had seen her. I mean who would like to throw up or faint Infront of their crush?!

"Okay got it"

I told the teacher about my dizziness she asked me to go to the infirmary. But I insisted on going home. Y/N asked the teacher to accompany me but she denied so I had no choice but to go alone. I wanted her to to come though. I could see that she was feeling bad. But it can't be helped.

"So that's when he saw me and stopped. Huh? The bell rang? Already? Oh shit it's hometime!  I am happy that Jungkook loves me. I am thankful that he cared about me and made me feel so special. But this doesn't change the fact that he stalked me for seven freaking years! I love him but I'm still mad at him!