All I Want is You

All My Life

“Morning,” I smiled at John who was waiting for me at my door.
“Hey,” John grinned back and hugged me briefly, “You ready?”
“Yeah,” we walked to school together, like what we had done for the last few months. John had never left my side for once, and he was always sticking up for me. He was the nicest person I had ever met after getting know him, and I knew deep down he was still hoping to be more than friends with me. I did not like him in that way though; the memories of him bullying me would never be washed away and I simply could not picture having such a close relationship with him. I was confused, but I thought that was the cause.
“Hey John,” when we entered the school ground, some girls smiled flirtatiously at John, and eyed me up. They did not like me still, but they could not hate on me like they used to.
“Hi,” John said simply and continued walking up the stairs into the building with me. Once we were inside, I could see Billy the bully and his gang not far away from us.
“Oh,” Billy spotted us a moment later, and he was scowling at us, “I really don’t understand why he’s friends with her.” He said bitterly – he was very unhappy with the fact that John and I were close, but he could do nothing about it as he knew John was still very popular among the school and messing with him would make people hate on him instead of John. So he stayed clear from us wisely.
John ignored him, but he let out a huff. I touched his arm for a moment as I knew he was absolutely not happy about Billy’s remark, but he was tired of arguing with them.
John sighed when he felt my soothing touch, and stopped in his track. I halted to a stop next to him.
He stared into my eyes for a moment, like he was trying to convey a message. I cocked my head to the side, indicating that I wanted to know what was wrong.
John sighed again, and took my hand, “Come,” he said and dragged me down the hallway with people’s curious eyes staring after us. He was quick-walking down the hallway in his long strides and I had to half run to keep up with him.
Finally John rounded the corner and we were in a deserted hallway. He looked around and pulled me into an empty classroom, closing and locking the door behind him.
“What is it, John?” I stared at John’s face which was illuminated by the light escaping through the blinds in the vacant classroom. I was starting to get nervous, as I was confused and did not know what was happening. But I knew John meant no harm, that was for sure.
“(Yn),” John advanced towards me and stood in front of me, and I could feel the heat radiating from his body, contrasting to the cold air filling the room, “You know I really like you, don’t you?”
I nodded nervously.
“I can’t bear this anymore,” John whispered, “Those mean words towards you, and how the others are around you – it hurts to see.”
I could see the pain in John’s green eyes as he turned his head away from me to break our eye contact, “It hurts to see you being hurt, (Yn) – I know you don’t care about the others, but I do. I don’t want you to be treated like that. I want you to be treated like a princess. MY princess,” he took a deep breath and looked at my frozen expression, “I love you. I want you to say yes to being mine. I want to show people how much you mean to me. I love you, (your full name).”
I was stunned, and the next thing I knew was that his lips were already on mine, possessing my lips. His lips were urgent but gentle against mine, and I could not respond. I was completely shocked and frozen at my spot.
John slowly rested his hands on my arms, and pulled me closer to him, his nose brushing against mine. I still could not recover from my shock.
“I love you (Yn),” John whispered against my lips and peeked at me through his long lashes, and he planted a couple more kisses on my lips before stepping back, with his hands still on my arms.
John looked at me breathlessly, while I stared at him with wide eyes.
“Didn’t you feel anything?” John asked nervously, searching my face.
“I – John – I—” I could not even form a sentence. I was stunned. Not just by his kiss, but also the feeling in my stomach. I had never felt like this. My stomach was churning, but in a good way. And I was confused.
“I love you,” John repeated again, worry lingering in these three words.
“I – I love you too John,” I finally said, “But not in the way you feel about me. I—”
“Did you feel anything?” John asked again.
“I do, a tiny bit.” I admitted, “But… I don’t know John, I – this is just all so sudden and confusing, I – I really—”
“It’s okay,” John quickly interrupted, although he did look a bit sad, “I understand.”
“John,” I felt bad for him, but I could not lie to myself – I was not ready, but it was not like there was not a chance between us, “I do like you, very much, as a friend – but this, I can’t say yes to this right now. So much has happened between us before, and I need time to forget about the unpleasant memories… And – and I’m not sure about – well, I’ve kind of lost trust in people. I’m not ready to get that close to someone yet.”
“So you’re not ruling out about this possibility, are you?” John asked, hope seeping back into his tone.
“No,” I said, “I just… Need time. And maybe a bit of persuasion.” I added quietly.
“I see…” John said, and he seemed relieved, “I see.”
And silence fell between us.
“So…” John looked into my eyes again, breaking the ice, “What should I do in order to gain your complete trust again?”
“No John, it’s not like I don’t trust you, it’s just that…” I said, trying to put my mixed feelings into words.
“Okay, okay, I get it,” John chuckled, and I was relieved that the tension between us had faded away, “Should I say, to show my genuineness?”
Okay, now that he was serious about this matter, I was scared. What John had done after that incident in the forest had clearly shown that John was real about his feelings towards me, but I was still scared. I might have already put 99 percent of my trust in him, but the remaining one percent was still lingering above our heads. I was not sure, and this question had got me confused and I did not know what to do. I was scared that I would be hurt.
“Remember that bracelet which I said was beautiful? Buy it for me,” I blurted out without thinking.
“The one with crystals?” John said, widening his eyes.
Shoot.. What had I said? Why did I say that? Was I that scared that I said that?
“I – well, actually,” I was going to say that I was just joking, but John’s eyes softened.
“If that will make you trust me fully and accept me, then I’ll do it. I’ll buy it for you,”
“No John!” I quickly said, “I wasn’t thinking straight, I was just joking!”
“No,” John shook his head, “You said it without thinking, then maybe that’s what I have to do to gain your trust. That’s what will make you see that I really love you.”
“But it’s ridiculously expensive,” I said – it was so, so, so expensive that John would never be able to get it! “And—”
“I will buy it, trust me,”
“No!”
“End of discussion,” John smiled, and hugged me, “I will do anything for you.”
“Oh John,” I hugged him back, “You don’t have to do this. I was just scared and I was joking.”
“But this will show you,” he said, and released me, “I will do anything to make you mine.”
(Yn), what had you done?