Star Trek: Erin

Part 50: Finding the Words

     The people who already have. That phrase continued to turn over in my head as I walked away. My fury rapidly cooled, leaving me feeling simultaneously gutted and reflective. He was right. Not about everything, but that... that was right.

     You aren't the first to want to change things.

     I drew a deep breath like I was coming up for air. You need to stop being so damn blind. You glimpsed the right path talking to the original Tetra, and then what? She got murdered and you threw it away. Every fight with Sprite has been a reminder of that, but you refused to see it. I let out a disgusted noise. And I call myself adaptive. The only thing I've been doing is stagnating. Slowing down.

     Now I need to catch up.

     I made my way back towards Occolum's quarters, which I hadn't gone far from anyway. Klove and Leong were at attention before the door. "Ma'am?" said the latter.

     "I should've mentioned earlier, but keep an eye out for Ambassador Sarek. He's suspected to have killed Ambassador Gav." That was news to both of them, for obvious reasons. "For now, the ambassador and I need to talk. Knock if there's a visitor." They parted for me and the door swished open.

     Occolum was seated at the desk, writing slowly in a script that resembled a series of interlocked circles like a stream of Venn diagrams, each with little branches at the tops and bottoms. I stood at attention until they finished and looked to me.

     "I've been behaving improperly," I said. The ghost of a previous self scoffed at me, but I ignored her. "You've been cooperating as best you can, and I've done nothing but snap. It's been stupid, it's been unprofessional, and it's been dangerous. Full disclosure, I'm terrible at this—talking to people—but that's no excuse. So here's what I want to do. I want to try again." Then I shut my mouth and waited.

     Occolum folded their hands, studying the long fingers, and then unfolded them. "When I was young, my..." The ambassador gave a slight frown and muttered something under their breath. I waited until the expression cleared and they looked to me again. "My mother took me onto the Vast."

     I'd read a lot about Makbia III before Occolum arrived, and of everything, the Vast had made my stomach crawl the most. Most of the planet was ocean, but of a substance that wasn't quite water but similar in behaviour. It was peaceful by land, like sailing on glass. More than a few hours from their shores, the seas roiled and surged, with tales of great sinkholes opening in the ocean itself. Which was bad on its own, but some quality of the not-water meant it was crystal clear far into the depths. I'd heard of glimpses of cavernous labyrinths and colossal monsters thousands of kilometres below.

     Makbia III was not a place I ever wanted to set foot on.

     "Two hours from the coast, we reached where we were going to... cavern-trawl, I believe Starfleet calls it. I was looking over the side, and there was a faraway piece of movement. A Behemoth." The ambassador met my gaze. "I was frozen. Could not say a word as it leapt from the depths. Our... transportation was destroyed, my mother gone with the Behemoth. But I survived." Occolum gave a sad smile with a hint of bitterness, the first I'd seen. "I did not speak for years. I could not see a point. So many lost opportunities, until the day Starfleet arrived. I was there that day, and there was possibility to help us, for us to help you. I took that into my heart, that their voices brought possibility, and I learned to find my own again." Occolum sighed and sat back. "As an ambassador, I have met many. There are those who have no voice, no matter how loud they shout. There are those who drown out all others just to be wind among trees. And there are those who have potential to build or burn, but lack the discipline of a trained mind. This is you, Junior Lieutenant Cobos. Your voice is already a weapon, but you need to turn it into a hand to help others rise."

     Would an earlier self have bristled at this advice? Would I have run from it? I swallowed hard. "Thank you, ambassador. For sharing your story, and—and for the advice. I'll do my best." I stuck out a hand.

     Occolum's eyes were filled with warmth as they took it and let me help them up. "Focus, junior lieutenant. Focus and you will achieve."

     I glanced over my shoulder as I left the room. The people who already have. I smiled and exited, Leong looking expectantly as I passed her and Klove. "Anything you need done, ma'am?"

     "That," I said, feeling damn philosophical after listening to Occolum, "is entirely my job."

     Maybe I'll make a diplomat after all. Good captain needs to be. I straightened my dress uniform. Time to back up these resolutions with action.

     Two weeks passed.

     For two weeks, I was the best damn security detail I could be.

     I wasn't involved in the murder investigation, but I was updated by a variety of sources: fellow officers and the crewmen I correctly figured would know what was up. Kirk got lightly stabbed enough to figure out the murderer was an Andorian that wasn't an Andorian, not Sarek. It was nice to know we were never in any danger in that hallway and I'd been freaking out for nothing.

     I didn't get a chance to speak with Nowak for those two weeks. There were updates via communicator whenever he got the chance, but having an ambassador murdered on your watch... It's serious.

     The Enterprise reached the conference at Babel without another murder. Standing at attention with Leong and Klove as we said our formal farewells, I leaned in to Klove and Leong while Occolum was busy whispering with Calderra. "You two did really well these past weeks. It was the right choice, choosing you."

     "Our pleasure, ma'am," said Klove, continuing to stare straight ahead.

     Leong cracked a faint smile. "Not completely smooth, but we made it work."

     I winked at her. "Exactly." I perked up as the Makbian delegation was called to prepare for transport, finding myself the subject of Occolum's attention. "Ambassador." Remembering my manners for once, I made the formal clicking sound I'd practiced.

     Returning it, Occolum briefly drew close. "Thank you for keeping me out of trouble."

     I snorted. "No problem. Good luck with the conference." They turned away as redshirts came to collect Occolum and Calderra, but I put out an arm to stop Occolum. "Ambassador?" My voice dropped. "About what happened the night of the reception. The violence you sensed didn't happen."

     Occolum studied my face for a long moment. "Usually the feeling warns of a quick violence in the near future. Rarely does it warn of much violence faraway. Stay safe, Junior Lieutenant Cobos."

     "You too, Ambassador Occolum."

     I watched them pat Calderra's hand and step onto the transporter platform, too distracted to enjoy the close of my first semi-positive interaction with diplomats.