Butterflies

Chapter 15 - Season 1 Finale

They made it to Stillwell's house. Violet was amazed they made it, especially made it with no complications, no interruptions. As Butcher parked the car, he stared ahead. Her presence was blinding, screaming at him like she was a fleck of the sun. His hands clenched the steering wheel tightly, taking a big sigh. Leaning forward, Violet observed the house, the perfect example of how money could bring so much. It was modest, as modest as a multimillionaire could be. The road was quiet, perfect for what they wanted to do. Butcher had the weapon, he'd collected it on their way there. Violet would wait in the car, he'd get what he needed and they'd drive off again, into the coming evening.

Violet had memorized the way the sun set over the horizon like it was the last time she was going to. It was deep orange, reflecting into the car as they drove along, threatening Butcher's eyes as he turned down his blind. Violet only looked at him a few times in the whole ride, and she wouldn't forget how the sun shun on his face, highlighting every feature she was growing to love.

"You ready?" She asked, staring at the house.

"You're not going with me," Butcher got out after a long pause.

"What? Butcher if this is about what Hughie said I-"

"No."

Resting an elbow onto the arm rest, Butcher leaned in close to her face, Violet not moving back an inch. They looking deeply into each other's eyes, Violet stuttering over his word. He was so calm, like he was taking in her features for the first time.

"You're not coming because I can't let you get hurt for me," he said.

"But what if I want to do this for me? Butcher this whole time I've not known why I've been with you guys, why I've followed along. What if-- what if this is it?" Her voice was barely above a whisper, "what if this is... it?"

"Violet fucking listen to me," Butcher held her face with one hand, brushing his thumb over her cheekbone lightly, "you're so much more than this. I will not let you die this way."

"Billy," she whimpered, "but you don't deserve to die either."

It was the first time she had said his name like this, and hearing it now broke Butcher's heart more than he thought imaginable. Leaning forward, he pressed his forehead against hers, breathing in her scent as he continued to rub his thumb against her face. And he held her, he held her like he couldn't let go. Violet's breath staggered, tears trying to spill once more. But she couldn't.

"I'm sorry sweetheart," he said "I regret what I did."

"Don't. please don't."

He pulled back slightly just look back into her eyes, his hand never leaving her face. But then his gaze fluttered down to her lips, as did hers to his. It was a moment so brief, yet felt so long, debating whether or not to lean in. Butcher wanted to, he so desperately wanted to. But as the moment passed, he drew away, taking his hand off from her face. Violet staggered slightly, leaning too far into his touch.

"Goodbye Violet."

"Goodbye Billy. Good luck."

Climbing out the car, Butcher collected his things and went inside, Violet rocking in her seat. She could follow him, she could choose not to listen to him and to follow, but she sat in her seat, she couldn't move. Placing her hand to her cheek, she tried to hold any warmth he had left behind, squeezing her eyes shut. And she sat there, in her seat. The seat she barely left, the seat that was becoming too familiar. Why had goodbyes got to be so difficult? Glancing down she stared at her blue nails, already chipping and coming apart, and she sighed. Because now she was to leave, find Hughie and the others and save them. She couldn't loose everyone.