Cordelia Goode x Reader- The one that got away

Never one without the other

You wake up around 3am, a part of you is surprised you even managed to fall asleep in the first place but being back here in the academy, near Cordelia it's both emotionally draining and tiring. After you tried to go back to sleep noticing it's really early you turn around for ages trying to get comfortable but it isn't working so you give up. You notice how you are still in your blouse and trousers so you try and find some comfortable clothes. Cordelia mentioned some stuff might be in here so you walk over to the wardrobe and find an oversized t-shirt, you smell it and it smells of Vanilla it smells like home and Delia. As you take your clothes off and put her oversized shirt and some sweatpants on you make your way to the bathroom and wipe your makeup off. Your relationship with sleep hasn't been healthy in the last few years, after leaving the coven you would often have nightmares and think about Cordelia. You wanted to reach out to her everyday and every time you got close to just taking a bus or writing a text or a letter to her you would hear Fiona's words in your head telling you your not good enough. Eventually you started to believe it and that's when you left New Orleans. 

''Next up is Miss Y/L/N'' one of your professors shouts and hands you your degree. You step on stage in your graduation gown and you can see your family sitting with all the other proud parents cheering you on. It is one of the fondest memories and last ones before illness took your mother away and ripped your family apart. Although they didn't like the idea after leaving the academy you left to University and studied English Literature. You passed all your exams and your professors loved how invested you got in your works and essays. It didn't bring you a lot of joy but it distracted you and that's exactly what you needed after Cordelia. That woman had your whole heart, the reason you got up every morning was for her sake, you breathed for her and you would die for her at any given moment. Learning to live without the blonde was something no one prepared you for. Your mental health rapidly declined and you didn't know how to take care of yourself anymore. Delia would make you meals and remind you about eating and taking care of your body but without her it's like you are a child again and forget how to do these things. In your little dorm room you had back then all you had was ramen and sometimes some alcohol that would numb the pain. You would try to distract yourself with some girls but it never worked, they could never give you what Cordelia gave you and every time you kissed or made out with any of them you closed your eyes and imagined it to be your soulmate. As you walk on that stage to get your degree, you wished so much for Cordelia to be there cheering you on, you always talked about your future with her and this was literally you graduating from your dream school with the best grades. But you aren't part of her life anymore and you came to that realization that day. Yes it was late over four years later but it took all this time for you to realize she will never sit there, cheering you on because she is no longer your muse. Your parents tried to make you happy and distract you but it didn't work so after graduation you decided to travel. 

You make your way down the long staircase and decide to sit in the living room, the fireplace still has a low flame so you add some wood and with your magic you make the flame bigger. As you pass a little tray with alcohol you pour yourself a drink and sit there watching the flame. After a while you hear a noise coming from the back door and you flinch but seeing Myrtle slowly making her way towards you calms you down. ''Hey dear what are you doing up?'' she asks and sits down next to you, also with a drink in her hand. ''I couldn't sleep how about you?'' you answer and you can smell smoke on her so you say ''Eager for a smoke were we?'' and smirk. She gives you her ''shut up Y/N'' look and you can't help but smile. ''So tell me a bit about what you did after leaving this place?'' Myrtle asks ''Well um I graduated university I got my degree and I started travelling after'' you explain. ''Where did you go?'' Myrtle asks and takes a sip from her drink. ''Well kinda everywhere to be honest, I went to Europe and I was gonna travel to Australia but um my mother she passed away and I came back here'' you say and after saying the last part you take a big sip of your drink. ''I'm sorry Y/N'' the older woman says and places a hand on your shoulder. There are a few moments of silence before Myrtle interrupts it by asking ''Why did you never come back?'' That's really an interesting question why didn't you? the fact that Fiona told you not to come back and that you aren't good enough? or the fact that you wanted Cordelia to be happy? the fact that you hated yourself after leaving? You look down and think of an answer but there really isn't a good one. ''I don't know Myrtle I wanted to so many times but you know I was too shy I guess.. I mean I listened to Fiona and I didn't even say goodbye or try to reach out, I guess part of me actually believed her that I wasn't good enough for Delia back then'' you take a deep breath as tears are threatening to escape your eyes. ''The thing is Myrtle no matter where I went warm Spain or Italy, cold Sweden or rainy England where I was she was always there with me, haunting me in my dreams or songs that remind me of her, I was never free of her'' and now the tears are streaming down your face you can't hold back your emotions any longer. ''I still love her so much I wish never walked away and never listened to Fiona'' you say and Myrtle looks at you with so much sadness. She always liked you and saw the potential in you all those years ago when you knocked gently on the door of the coven and came over for lessons with her sometimes. From the first moment she introduced you to Cordelia she felt something special between you two and part of her sees both you and Delia as her daughters. She cares deeply for both of you and hates the fact that Fiona drove you away, she blames herself for not reaching out to you. Part of her was so busy picking up the pieces and comforting Cordelia that she ignored the fact why you left or trying to get you to come back. She pulls you closer so you rest your head on her shoulder and you start crying. ''It's okay just let it all out dear'' Myrtle says and you do as you are told. For some reason whenever you are around Myrtle you can truthfully and very easily talk about your feelings, you don't have to hide them or pretend to be fine because the witch knew either way. After a while your eyes feel heavy and you drift off to sleep still resting your head on Myrtle's shoulder. She notices and after letting you sleep for a bit she feels tired herself so she carefully gets up and puts a pillow underneath your head and a blanket around you. She looks at you with a sad expression one more time before going to bed.