Don't trust yourself.

Don't leave me

Everything happened so fast that I barely had time to move. Two men lifted Roland onto a stretcher and began to wheel him out, I tried to stand up to follow him, but the woman who flashed me in the eyes with a flashlight pushed me back down to me knees and wrapped a blanket around me. I tried to fight, but she just shook her head and told me to stay. "No, please. I need to be with Roland. I need to go with him." My crying started again and I once again tried to get up again. I can't lose someone else important to me. I started struggling against the woman pushing me down and I finally got up and started to run towards the door, but a man who was standing by caught me by my waist and picked me up. I started kicking and punching him to let me go, but he just carried me to a chair and sat me down and began to talk to me, but I didn't listen, I couldn't. The only thing on my mind was Roland. I once again for the third time stood up and ran, I slipped through the man's hands and was almost at the door until I felt a sharp pain run up my arm. I looked up and saw the woman with a hand on my shoulder and the other holding a large syringe that was in my arm. I felt really tire and I couldn't move another step, but I tried anyways and I ended up falling into the woman's arms and she stroked my hair and told me everything was going to be okay as my eyelids felt heavier and heavier until I was completely out.

I woke up in a hospital bed with an iv in my arm. I looked around expected to see my parents, but they weren't there, and they never will be, but I still hoped. Tears came to my eyes as door to my left opened and a figure which I recognized as soon as I saw her, Roland's mom. "Oh my!" She ran quickly over to me and began to wipe my eyes with a tissue which were on the nightstand on the side of the bed. "It's alright darling, I'm here, I know I'm not your mother and I'll never be her, but I'll do whatever I can sweetheart." I smiled a little at that and nodded, "I'm sorry for crying." She gave me a stern look at that and began to shake her head, "Font you ever apologize for crying Indie. I know I cried for about two months when my son died, but that's how things go and you just need to let things out." She smiled after that and stroked my hair. "S-so Roland didn't make it?" My tears just about started again until she reassured me, "No no! Baby, he's still with us! He didn't tell you? Well I'm not surprised, it was a very hard time for him." I shook my head, "What happened, if you don't mind me asking?" She shook her head, "I don't mind. This was a long time ago Roland was still very young and his brother even younger, his name was Anshu, he was a ray of sunshine so his name was very fitting because he was always smiling and brightened everyone's day." I listened intensely, "Oh! There's pictures of Anshu in your hallway!" She smiles and nodded, "Roland insisted we kept them up on the wall and no one disagreed with him." I nodded and smiled, as she continued, "One day as Roland and Anshu were playing in the yard the ball they were playing with started to roll to the edge of the yard and Anshu started to chase after it, but as he picked it up a." She paused for a moment and she took in a deep breath. I looked up at her and took her hand, "You don't have to tell me if it's too hard." She shook her head, "No, I'm fine." She smiled down at me and continued, "As he picked up the ball a drunk driver had lost control of his car and spun out of control and hit Anshu in a head on collision. Roland saw the car as it was coming and started to yell to Anshu and he ran as fast as he could as well and my husband and I, but it was too late. Roland got out with a broken arm, but Anshu didn't make it. Roland blamed himself and I think he still does, but he has been happier since you came around." I felt a drop of water hit my hand and looked up to see her crying, I sat up and wrapped my arm without an iv around her and she wrapped both hers around me. "A mother's worst dream is to she her children die before them, but a child's worst dream is to see their parents die before they get old." I nodded, "I guess we both have faced our worst nightmares." I felt her tears in my shoulder and I bet she felt mine on hers.
"I'm so happy Roland met you."

---------later on at the hospital---------

I walked with Roland's mom's arm wrapped around my shoulders through the hospital. They let me out saying I was clear to go. We made our way to Roland's room where we found his dad sitting in a chair next to his bed holding his hand. Roland wasn't awake as I don't think he has been yet. His dad stood up and greeted us both with a hug. "How's he doing?" Wendy asked as she sat in the chair Derek was sitting in and she wrapped her hand around Roland's. Derek shook his head, "He hasn't woken up yet, but the doctors said he was in a good condition and could wake up at anytime, but they don't know when that time is. Wendy and I both nodded. Derek wrapped his arm around my shoulder like how Wendy did while we were walking here and lead me out of the room. "I had my alone time with Roland, let's let Wendy have hers and then when you're ready it's your turn." i nodded, "Okay."

After about thirty minutes Wendy walked out into the waiting room where Derek and I were sitting in silence. "Indie, it would mean a lot not only to Roland, but to us if you went and talked to him." I nodded and stood up, Wendy patted my back as I walked by. I walked slowly to Roland's room, anticipating what I was going to say.

I entered his room and say in the chair that Wendy and Derek both sat in and looked at Roland's face. He was peacefully sleeping, like at any moment he would wake up and smile his giddy smile at me and everything would go back to normal, whatever normal was. I held Roland's hand with both of mine and started to ramble to him. I told him the story when we first met and how my life changed so much because of him. I told him that I couldn't wait for the next movie night and I reminded him of the time he helped cleaned my house and our text messages that seemed to have no end and I told him everything I could think of until my eyes became glassy and tears began to fall into our conjoined hands. "Please Roland wake up." I knew it would do nothing, but I just needed him. I needed him more than I thought I ever did. I told myself I could live by myself for the rest of my life and I told myself I couldn't love anyone, but sometimes in life I guess you just can't trust yourself. "Roland." I waited for a response that wouldn't come. "Roland, I love you." I closed my eyes tightly. I waited and waited, but I knew I wasn't gonna get a response, I knew from the moment I said it, but I just needed to say it. I sat back in the chair and was standing up when Roland's hand squeezed mine. I looked down at it and squeezed back. Roland smiled. "Hey shortie." I smiled and tears fell down my cheeks. "Hey stretch." He looked up at me with his big blue green eyes, "I love you more." I smiled as far as my lips would allow and I carefully wrapped my arms around his neck and he wrapped his arm around my waist. He chuckled, "Am I a famous savior yet?" I giggled back, "Yeah, but you aren't ever gonna fade away." I kissed his nose and smiled. His face turned a little red and he smiled back and kissed me right on the lips. "I love you, Indie Milada Audrey Wayward."