Five Steps Away

Chapter 4

I slam my lunch tray down and take a seat next to Lily at our usual lunch table. 2nd time in the span of two weeks that I've come to school feeling like complete and utter shit. I can feel my chest heaving up and down. The longer I sit here, the more I feel like people are staring, whispering... talking about how stupid I am.

"You didn't answer my messages, and what the hell happened to your hair?" Jenna says, not even bothering to say hi when she notices I'm here.

"The last thing I need right now is your 'advice'."

"Why didn't you come over?" she replies, dropping her fork on her plate.

"Because you're an asshole. That's why."

"You always come over when something's wrong, I could've helped you." Jenna says. I didn't know the word 'help' was in her vocabulary. Last year I would have gone to her instantly. Wouldn't even have texted her. Just showed up to her house unannounced. We would have baked cookies, ordered pizza, called Cire trash, done something. But things changed. Or rather she changed. Knowing her, if I had gone over to her house instead of Lily's house last Saturday, she would have made me feel even worse than I already did. I mean I even tried giving her a chance by sending her a message, yet she still managed to make me feel like crap. So no, she doesn't have the right to be mad.

"Yeah, cause the text you sent just made my day."

"If you had just fucking read the other billion messages I sent you would have—'

"Shut up! Stop pretending you would have done anything other than be a bitch to me all night."

Jenna pauses, a hurt look on her face. But it goes away quickly, leaving way for her signature uninterested glare. She holds my gaze. "You know what's crazy? For the longest time I thought that once you'd break up with Cire, you would go back to being the same old you again. But no. Turns out you were always just a selfish brat this whole time. He just brought it out of you didn't he." Jenna puts her earphones back in. As if saying that the conversation is over. That she won. Whatever I say right now won't mean a thing, because she won't be listening. I still, however, attempt to get something in.

"Stop pretending like this is all my fault! You've always just been jealous of Cire and I, admit it. I'm not the reason you're still single." I say. She doesn't move an inch, keeping her eyes fixated on her phone. I must look stupid, screaming at someone who isn't even listening. I feel embarrassed. I should've kept my mouth shut.

Shutting my eyes tight, I try to push away everything she said. It hurts. Sucks to admit it but it does. She's known me for forever. Hearing her call me a selfish brat stings more than it should. But it's not fair. Not fair that she gets to always act like I did something wrong.

Lily tentatively puts her hand on my shoulder. "You... you ok?"

"Yeah no I'm fine. Actually, I'm more than fine. I'm just bursting with happiness right now." I leave my lunch tray on the table with the plate still full, and get up to exit the cafeteria. I hear Lily's footsteps follow behind me.

As I walk out, I spot Cire's table. There he sits with his friends by his side. Laughing. And I notice a new person at his table... Kenny. He never let me sit at his table with him. Never invited me to meet his friends. Was he embarrassed of me?

So this wasn't just a mistake. Wasn't just a stupid drunken error. My first clue to that should have been the fact that he didn't text me at all over the weekend. Didn't try to talk to me. Didn't even apologize. He knew what he was doing. He was just... waiting to replace me.

I rip my eyes away from him when I feel a cold liquid pour down my chest.

"What the hell?" I scream out as I look down at my shirt that's now soaking with water. More people start to stare. God I need to get out of here.