Five Steps Away

Chapter 5

The school bell rings, signifying the end of 3rd period, and the beginning of lunch. I walk to the usual lunch table, already dreading it. I don't want to have to deal with Jenna... especially with the news I have today.

After dinner with Aunt Mia, I was left to go back home, with nothing but silence and my own thoughts. And leaving myself with my own thoughts always leads to irrational, impulsive decisions. Which is exactly what happened.

I sit down at the table, Jenna and Lily already there. They weren't talking, of course. They aren't really that close. Never have been.

"Hey!" Lily says, sitting up straight when she sees me. She drops the book she was reading and fixes her bangs with her two forefingers.

"Hey." I answer back, breathing in to prepare myself for what I'm about to say. "Remember what we were talking about yesterday?" I start. Lily furrows her eyebrows.

"...Yes?"

"So I thought about it, and... I don't think it's such a horrible idea." Lily looks at me incredulously.

"So you're really going to go through with it? You're gonna fake date hi—"

"It's not fake dating. You said it yourself, it's more like a temporary type of thing." I try. Though I know I'm not convincing anyone.

"Yeah yeah, of course, sorry just... I never thought you'd actually do it" Lily replies.

As if now worthy of her attention, Jenna looks up at me, curiosity dancing in her eyes.

"What are you talking about" she asks.

"Hi to you too." It comes out ruder than intended, but I don't mind, she deserves it.

"Al."

"What? Just cause you decided we're finally worth your time doesn't mean you get to talk to us."

She doesn't break her gaze, keeping her eyes right on mine. God I hate when she does that. When she gives me that look.

"Al." She simply repeats again. There's a long pause of silence between us.

"Lily, you can explain." I finally say. The look she's giving me tells me she just wants the best for me, but even then I can't bear telling her myself. So Lily does.

"Are you fucking serious" Jenna asks. Yeah, I saw that coming.

"Yeah, I am." I say. Jenna rolls her eyes and reaches for her earphones.

"If you have something to say, say it." I look at her dead in the eyes.

"I don't think you're ready to hear it." I chuckle. Is she serious?

"Try me."

She pauses. "I genuinely just don't get it. Cire was possessive and toxic and—"

"I know. That's why we broke up."

"So then why are you trying to make him jealous."

I rub my temple. "I want him to feel the way I felt. I want him to—"

"Bullshit. You still love him and you know it." A tense silence settles between us. I don't break her gaze, not ready to back down.

"Ok that's enough, let's just forget about this—" Lily tries.

"I don't love him anymore." I seethe. Though I know that's definitely not true, I just need to prove her wrong.

"Sure you don't."

"Yeah, I don't. And what do you know about love, huh? You're the most heartless person I know. God sometimes it feels like you're a psychopath!"

Jenna's face freezes at my words, I can see the slight pain in her eyes. But she hides it fast.