Five Steps Away

Chapter 14

The dinner with mom's boyfriend went surprisingly well. He was really sweet. Kind of corny at times, but overall really seemed to care for her. We had dinner at our house, but Aunt Mia and her boyfriend came as well, killing two birds with one stone (apparently they knew my mom was dating someone but had never met him).

The weekend overall was actually really nice. On Sunday, mom took a break from studying, and we went out for lunch. It was like I was getting to know her again. I forgot how funny she is. She promised that from now on we'll spend every Sunday together, watching a movie, going to the spa, or just anything really. Sundays will be us time. Just the thought of having my mom to myself for one day brings a smile to my face.

On Monday, Elijah sends me a text telling me he won't be coming to school again. I know for a fact now that he isn't sick, but instead of worrying myself, I decide to try and ignore it. He's not going away forever.

I go to school, deciding to drive there with my car. I haven't used my car in months. It's my proudest possession. To be honest I never thought I'd ever use it again. Yet here we are.

For a second I forget how to drive. I get into the driver's seat and put the key in, and then freeze. But when I start it's all in my muscle memory, and I get to school in a matter of minutes, no sweat, no aching back.

I drop my bag in my locker, keeping my English books, and find Lily at her locker. It feels like I haven't properly talked to her in so long.

"Hey Lily."

She turns around, just noticing me and smiles, fixing her bangs with her forefingers. "Hey!"

"How was your weekend?"

"It was good!" she responds. I don't speak, waiting for her to elaborate. "Just prepping for the big debate," she says. My brows knit together.

"What debate?"

"Oh just the debate competition." My mouth drops.

"You mean the one with the other schools?" Lily nods her head shyly. "Shit Lily that's amazing! How did I not know this?" I ask. She just lifts her shoulders like she's saying It's no big deal.

Except it is. This debate competition is crazy competitive, not just anyone takes part in it. How did I not know she was.

'Stuck in your bubble'. That sentence is starting to make a whole lot of sense.

"I'm so sorry I didn't know you were doing this Lily," I say. She looks at me guiltily, like she feels bad that I apologised.

"Don't be sorry it's just a random debate."

I look at her, not surprised for a second that she would downplay such a huge achievement. Instead of arguing with her, I just shake my head.

"You're something else, you know that?" I say. She looks at me with a small smile, and we get to English class.

At the end of the day, I grab my bag from my locker and head out to my car in the school parking lot. I blast the heaters, loving how warm and comfortable the cushions feel and start the drive back home.

But ten minutes into the drive, I see a familiar figure stumbling on the sidewalk with a beer bottle in hand. I looked closer, realising it's Cire.

He's barely walking, hitting everything in his way.

This isn't new-Cire getting drunk on a school day. I remember when we were dating, he used to get drunk all the time. I would find him passed out at parties, or puking in bushes. And I would always be the one to help clean him up and bring him home.

I wonder if Kenny does that now.

I remember always feeling so helpless when he'd drink. Sometimes we'd be out on some fancy diner, or at a party, and I'd beg him not to get drunk, I'd always tell him 'Tonight's just for us, nothing else.' but that would never work. He'd push past me straight to the beer. And he's different when he's drunk.

Still, when he'd invite me out, he'd make the same promises. That it would be just us. I believed him.

But looking at him now, I know that was all just an act. That all those things he said, they never meant anything to him. So I don't understand why I still find myself parking the car, getting out of it and walking toward the drunken teenager who broke my heart one too many times. Trying to fix the pieces once again

Maybe it's for old time's sake. Maybe it's because I pity him. But I just need to know that he's safe.

"Cire."

He turns around, and looks at me. I hold my breath.

"What are you doing here?" He asks.

Every word that comes out of his mouth is slurred, but I still walk toward him and grab his hand, leading him to my car.

"I'm taking you home."

I open the passenger's seat and sit him down.

"You should've never cut your hair," he says. I ignore him, fastening his seat belt. "Straighten it, it looks horrible short." I close the passenger door and walk to the driver's side.

"You've gained weight too," he continues. "You've let yourself go ever since we stopped dating." That, or I'm on less pressure to look perfect 24/7 now that he's not on my ass about every single detail of my life. But I don't tell him that. I don't need to prove anything to him.

The further we drive, the more he criticises me. From my hair, to my weight, to my clothes, and I ignore it all. Until one remark catches my attention.

"People would like you more if you were less ghetto."

And then it all comes back. Every single microaggression that I let pass by, every blatantly racist remark, every stupid comment. I accepted it all, under the guise of him 'just joking', or him not knowing any better. But the harsh truth is, he's just racist.

We get to his house, and I look straight ahead at the road. "Get out." I don't say it rudely, instead, my voice is oddly calm. He opens the door and looks at me, saying other things that I choose not to listen to, before leaving my car and entering his house.

This whole time I've been putting myself through so much sadness and humiliation and insecurity, all for a toxic relationship with a racist. And I was convinced it was my fault.

Damn. What was that all for?

I've wasted so much time with him and for him, believing that I didn't deserve him, and that I was lucky to have him when that was so untrue. How did I never realise that.

I drive back home, thoughts swarming in my head, realising that maybe...

I deserved better.

A/N: Ayyyyy, check out that character development, I feel like a proud mom lmao