The Witcher (One shots)

What Have You Done To Us?

(Geralt x Jaskier)

Jaskier calls him 'dear witcher' the day they met. Geralt's face curled up as if he'd eat a lemon whole. He shook his head and started counting the days until this over-eager bard realized following him wouldn't be adventures and glory filled ballads.

Jaskier calls him 'darling' when he comes back from a hunt black in the eyes, hearing the blood in his veins and every shift of leather against his skin. Jaskier sat down, wrapped a torn-up bit of cloth around his eyes and ears and kept his hand on Geralt's arm until he felt like himself again.

They never spoke about it after, but Geralt stopped looking at him as though he were crazy for following a witcher, now he only thinks Jaskier crazy for caring.

Jaskier calls him adorable when he catches him in the stables explaining his plans for the day to Roach, he'd shoved Jaskier out of the way and stormed back into the inn, warm in the face at being ridiculed. Jaskier smiled softly when he followed, in a way Geralt could never call anything close to demeaning, especially after he'd explained that he wasn't mocking Geralt for talking to Roach. Geralt wondered if something was wrong with Jaskier to find a witcher cute, or if there was finally something right about him.

Jaskier calls him his friend when they part ways once more for the winter. He'd asked for a hug before they reached the crossroads where they separated 'so I can feel you close for a little while longer' he'd said. Geralt couldn't say anything as he held Jaskier close to him, felt Jaskier's fingers curl just below the cracks in his armour to where he could feel the warmth of his hands on his back. Jaskier had pulled away with tears in his eyes and Geralt nearly stopped him from turning around.

He wondered if being away from someone was supposed to leave a physical ache in your chest.

Jaskier calls him Geralt whenever an innkeeper or Alderman called him butcher when people call him a freak or a mutant. Jaskier will step in front of him and say 'oh, you mean Geralt?' and they digress. There are no more stones thrown, no swindling down prices, not when Jaskier is there to make him more than a witcher, to stand in front of the wretched person and say his name, make him human in ways people can't see when simply facing a thing they'd been taught to fear.

Geralt thinks that maybe, maybe he deserves to be Geralt now.

Jaskier calls him my love, in a song written about the deepest mistake Geralt has ever made. The most wretched thing he's ever done, immortalized in such a beautiful way.

His voice cracks when he sings it, something he never let happen unless it was purposeful, for emphasis, he'd say. But this, this was raw emotion, was hurt that Geralt caused. The hurt he felt as he hid inside his cloak at the back of the tavern, listening to Jaskier sing it.

Geralt wonders how long it's been since he last shed a tear, whether it was possible up until now.

Jaskier calls him a 'fucking asshole' the first time he tries to apologize. He bruises his hands against the hard leather of Geralt's armour as he pounds his fists into it. Geralt stands there wishing it caused him more pain, wishing he couldn't see the red around Jaskier's eyes as he tried to seem nothing but angry at the witcher for what he'd done.

Geralt wonders if heartbreak always goes both ways, or if he'd fucked up especially bad.

Jaskier doesn't speak to him for a week, but he follows. He accepts food Geralt offers, sleeps in the same bed as him if need be, will share a fire, pass a waterskin, sings to himself, even speaks to Roach, but he doesn't call Geralt anything. Geralt can't help but think it hurt less being shouted at, painless blows to the chest when they'd first spoke. He's never felt so lonely.

Jaskier calls him dear witcher, and the cycle has started anew, things have slowly began to fix themselves and Geralt can feel the fluttery 'is this what it's supposed to feel like' buzzing return when he sees Jaskier smile at him once more.

When Geralt looks away, Jaskier doesn't smile.

Jaskier doesn't hug him when they part ways that winter, doesn't ask, hardly says goodbye.

Winter at Kaer Morhen has never been colder.

Jaskier calls him sweetheart the next time they see each other. It's not said the way a pet name should be said. His throat is audibly dry, his eyes anything but, and Geralt feels his chest torn open at the pointed 'what have you done to us?'

Jaskier feels broken when Geralt doesn't answer, he wants nothing more than to turn around and give less of himself over to Geralt for nothing in return, but he can't. So he stops looking into Geralt's eyes and follows.

All he wants is for Geralt to admit it's him who's broken them apart.

Jaskier sings all the words he can't say to Geralt's face lest he feels guilt for the hurt it would cause. It's bitter, a recollection of all the things he'd thrown away, all the ways he'd caused pain to the bard who had only loved, and it's pointed, deliberate.

Geralt sits through the entire performance even as his entire body screams to leave, to run from his mistakes.

But nothing else matters like this.

Jaskier doesn't let Geralt tell him he loves him. Geralt feels like his entire being has been rubbed raw when Jaskier sobs as loud as his lungs will allow into the bedroll next to his when he speaks through struggled breathes to 'please don't say that' because he can't take it.

Geralt knows what he's done now, knows he cracked and shattered the only chance at love he's ever been given.

Jaskier doesn't look at him next time they separate for winter. Geralt wishes he could rot beneath Kaer Morhen like the lucky bastards who never had to walk the earth thinking they didn't have what it took to be loved. The ones who never got a chance to be proved wrong and have it ripped away by your own hand.

Jaskier isn't there when they usually meet in spring.

Geralt looks at himself in the mirror of the inn they used to meet at every year and asks himself,

"What have you done?"