Breaking From the Past

White Bliss

I find tears wetting my cheeks as the memories come flowing back, the more I think about them, the more rapidly tears stream down my face. I sit in the bouncy red covered stool, next to Conrad's bed, still watching the small figure lie still in the single nurse's bed.

Miss Peters startles me out of my trance, her angelic voice wrapping around me. "I need to step out for a while, would you be able to keep an eye on him for me?" The young, nurse smiles warmly, however it seems to slowly vanish as she gazes upon my tear-stricken appearance. "Why don't you take a look out the window, I'm sure you will feel at least a little better." With that her warm smile returns as she turns and walks out of the tiny white room.

I sit there on the bouncy stool with wheels, tears still flowing down my face, thinking about why she wants me look out the window? No matter how hard I think about it, I can't understand the reasoning behind her suggestion of looking out the stupid rectangular window. I decide it can't hurt any, so I turn my head, realizing why she thought looking out the window would help. It's like an epiphany hit me square in the face, brightness overwhelming my senses. the smell of winter seeping through clear glass plan that separates the outside from the in.

It is beautiful. Captivating. Breathtaking. The pure white flakes of the season, fall gently to the ground, some big and some so tiny they are barely visible. The elegance that emanates from each flake reach to me like a knife penetrating my heart and then twisting it, the blade making contact with my muscled heart.

As the snow continues to fall, slowly outside the clear window, I can feel my cold, worried body become warm and peaceful. I begin to completely forget about what I had been crying about, or even the fact that I was crying at all for that matter. My tears had come to a stop without me even realizing it. The salty water dried in lines on my pink cheeks, calling forth a small giggle in their place.

I am abruptly pulled away from my trance by a cold, soft hand that curled it's way around mine, locking them tightly together on the hard single bed. I turn around, my perfectly brown eyes meet the boy's unique green eyes, only they were glassed over from sleep and visible bags under his eyes can be noticed. Conrad holds a warm smile across his lips as he observes the scene of my unmistakable gawking out the window just moments before.

"You still enjoy looking at the snow fall, huh?" A groggy male voice speaks from the bed below me.

I look down at the figure from which the voice originated and chuckle at this obvious statement. As a child I would always beg my parents to let me go outside to watch the winter flakes slowly drift down upon the earth. Conrad always watched me from his bedroom window, across the street, as I would freely dance around in the snow. I would desperately try to catch snowflakes in my mouth as well as creating snow angels in the soft snow. He was, unfortunately, not able to come out and play much in the winter because on top of his terrible asthma, he gets sick real easy, it's worse in winter though. I think my mom told me once, that he has a weak immune system, that he was born with a disease that makes his ability to fight off infections not work as well as mine, or my mom's.

I could've spent hours dancing around outside in the snow, but my mom always called me inside after about an hour, for me to warm up and have something to eat so I don't get sick.

"Rina?" Conrad questions, still groggy from sleep.

I look at him and ask him what's wrong, not realizing that I was thinking about the past... again.
Conrad's expression is pained, but also happy in a way. "How did you know I would be here? I kind of thought you would come, but I didn't really expect it either you know." The room grew dark, lightning striking in my heart.

I give him an almost apprehensive look, "I know you have problems in the winter and I also figured you might have had an asthma attack. I only thought that because you are the type of person that would never leave a place without saying anything first. So after I thought about it, I figured you were here for some reason, either you got sick or something triggered an asthma attack." I spoke so fast, hopefully he understands what I'm trying to convey. I smile at him, hoping he does not see how much worry and fear is hidden behind the mask.