𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔯𝔩𝔢𝔰 𝔪𝔬𝔯𝔱𝔡𝔢𝔠𝔞𝔦 i.

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THAT THING

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THAT THING...

     "Darling! Charles, I've arrived home!" I holler as I enter the large open doorway of our home. "Oh, how I've missed you." I drag in my heavy suitcase and see Charles just standing at a mirror at the end of the long hallway. "My trip was amazing, it would have been terribly better with you there..." My voice trials off as I park my luggage by the large glass table in the center on the hallway. I remove my hat and coat and place them on the coat rack. "You would have loved it, it was quite astounding."

He sets something metal on the wooden table beside him, fixes his coat, and dramatically turns around to me.

"Charles Mortdecai, " I chuckle in bewilderment. "oh my, what have you done?"

"Something remarkable, my darling." He puts up jazz hands with a sly smile on his face. "Something I succeeded whilst you were gone."

"I see." My face has a quite disgusted look, i chuckle once again. "Love, please-"

"Kiss me, my darling. Kiss me. Kissing a man without a mustache, is rather like eating an egg..." He leans in closer to me. "...without salt." I squint my eyes and lean just my head in for a quick peck.

He leans away quite satisfied, and the disgust hasn't left my face. I look at him trying to find it attractive.

Jock carries my suitcase down the hall.

     "I told ya'." Jock mumbles as he walks by us.

While Charles is quite a man of good looks, this thing on his face doesn't look too bad.

"You see, my sweet, " His hands reaches his and rubs my shoulder. "the domain of a mans upper lip is his-"

"Charles, you have five minutes to shave that thing off." I speak over him.

"Every Mortdecai man before me had the same, why can't I?!" He fists his hands down with every word he speaks. He looks up at me with raised eyes brows.

I groan and and bite my lip. I shake my head slowly. The smallest smile is apparent on my lips as we stare at each other.

"Awh, " He groans and throws his head to the side. "I thought you'd be terribly fond of it, and I have had every intention of seeing it through."

My eyes grow wide.

"Nuh, uh, come on love." I grasp his shoulder and nearly run with him.

"Ooh, " He raises his eyes rows with a little smirk. "Where are we going? To the bedroom perhaps?" He places his hand on my lower back.

"No, Charles, not at all. I'm getting that bush above your lip shaved off."

He whines like a child.

"My love, it's been terribly too long of a process, c-come on don't do this." I take his hand and I run down the hallway to the stairs. I laugh.

"I'm shaving it, Charlie I can't look at you!" We jog quickly up the stair way.

     "Too much running for a proper man like myself!" He exclaims.

We get to the top of the stairs and too the large hallway. He stops mid running.

Charles places his hand on his chest.

     "I can't go on, " He pants and leans over. He breathes very dramatically. I cross my arms and look down at him. "Slow down." His voice cracks.

     "I find it quite insane how you want to shag me all night, but when we run twenty feet, you can't go on." I roll my eyes and grab his arms.

     "Speaking on shagging ay-"

     "Oh, shut up." I roll my eyes. "Come on, darling."

He walks with me.

     "Y/N, my love, I'm not shaving it." He shakes his head and smiles ridiculously.

His heavy breathing magically stops. Hm interesting. We enter our bedroom.

     "It's only going to take some getting used to." I turn around to him and surprise myself with his mustache once again. I fold my arms across my chest, but one of my hands reaches up to cuff my mouth.

     "It's beautiful, not as beautiful as you, so please." He tilts his head. "Please let me keep it." He clasps his hands together and begs with them.

     "Ehhhh-"

     "Please, Y/N! My love." He drops to his knees in front of me as if he's preforming an overdramatized production of Romeo and Juliet.

     "Charlie! There's no need to act out." I furrow my brows. "Now get up like the 'proper man' you are, and stop begging like a toddler."

     "Hmph." He rises from his knees and dusts his coat and pants of of nonexistent crud. "Now- speaking of toddler, my love, want to make a baby?"

     "My God Charles, I think we're past that faze of  our lives." I say as I turn away and fix my hair in the mirror.

     "I actually quite agree." He chuckles nervously.

Comfortable silence appears between us. I take out my earrings.

     "Darling, I'm quite needy at the moment. Haven't gotten any action in mont-"

     "Do you want me to hit you?!" I say as I quickly turn around. I squint my eyes and tilt my head. I lift up my hand.

     "...Yes..." He smirks and giggles at the sexual "joke" he made.

     "Oh Charlie." I groan and shove past him. "As much as I've missed you, I've had a very long trip and I'd appreciate it dearly if you let me have some rest." I go into the closet and unhang my night gown from the rod. I begin to unbutton my shirt. I turn around and see him standing there watching me. I sigh and shut the closet door and change into my nightgown. I open the door and go back out to see my husband standing and admiring the new addition on his face in the gold mirror.

I grab my silk robe and put it on over my arms. I go up behind him.

     "I'm sorry for the inconvenience, my love." I lean over his shoulder and kiss his cheek. "I've just go to get used to it. You're still quite handsome Mortdecai." I rub his back and kiss his cheek once more.

     "Oh how I've miss you, my dear." He smirks while looking at my reflection.

This was so fun to write, he cracks me up 😫✋🏻

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