Everything She Wanted

20 I only want your money

It was Jaxx's last day in Manila and I was feeling very anxious. Actually, I had been anxious the last few days leading to this and hindi na ako makatulog ng maayos. Perhaps it was the dread of the uncertainty that was eating me up, the doubt that Jaxx or I would work, or simply the fear that something or someone would come between us that kept me up all night.

We went to Tagaytay earlier today and spent most of the day there. The drive home was not bad since we left around four in the afternoon. We had an early dinner in the wine bar ni Antipolo where we first took me out. He said it was the first date he had in his books. I was moved he remembered a lot of these seemingly trivial things; he did not come off as a romantic to me. Someone who would go overboard when in love, yes, but not a silly romantic.

It was just nine in the evening and I think he was already tired from driving the around from Pasig to Tagaytay, to Antipolo, then back to Pasig. We both lounged in his couch, silently evaluating the time we have left together. Even if his flight was still in the evening, I could not help but be teary-eyed as we sat his condo and watched Sherlock.

"Hey, it's gonna be alright. Let's just make the most out of this." he cooed, pulling me on his lap. He took the hand kissed it. When I did not respond, he pulled me closer to him. I curled up in his chest and rested my head on his shoulder, wrapping my arm around his back. I needed reassurance that we were going to be okay. I have never felt this strongly about anyone in my life and I was afraid na hindi ko to kaya, and my anxious little heart is betraying me ngayon pa lang.

The past week he was there to boost my confidence na kaya naming tong lintik na LDR, but now that malapit na syang magkatotoo, it seems like I'm losing my trust again. Jaxx has been nothing but considerate and patient with me. Hindi naman sa nagta-tantrum ako, but I my faith in us needs up-building.

I tried convincing myself that it won't be so hard. I'll be busy with pre-residency so I probably will be too tired to even make a fuss about anything. Like Jaxx said, think happy thoughts. Kaya ko to.

I breathed his scent deeply. I felt his heartbeat on my chest. It was strong but calm. He was my comfort, his arms, his scent, and his heartbeat. I was being over dramatic and I know that I should stop being pessimistic. We were mature and strong enough to get through this damn distance. I should have faith in us.

"It's not like I will be away for two straight years. I'm going to come home every chance I can, alright? I need to be with you, too. I know I can't stand being away from you for so long. Facetime won't be enough." He spoke gently as he stroked my hair. "I'll try to fly back before classes start, okay? I think I still have a free week."

I nodded. "I'd really like that. I don't mean to sound so clingy but I think that would make it easier for me. Pero I will understand if you can't. It is such a short time to get a cheap ticket. You will be home for Christmas naman, diba?" speaking to his chest.

"Of course, I will. Or why don't you and your folks come to New York for New Year's? Samantha is there, right?" He shifted me so he can look me in my eyes.

I smiled at the thought, to spend the holidays with the family and with him in New York. It would be nice to do the countdown in Madison Square Garden and then this time, our New Year's kiss would be legit, not some stolen drunken kiss.