Everything She Wanted

28 First Day of the First Year

CARA

I walked somberly to the hospital. A wave of conflicting emotions overwhelmed me. Again, I doubted if it was the best decision. Hell, I even doubted if it were even the right one. All I knew was that I needed to get out of that precipice before I will hate myself and lose all self-respect.

Mahal ko si Jaxx, but I was losing myself in him too soon. I did not want to loathe myself because I wanted to continue to love him. Any self-respecting woman should put herself first. She should honor her aspirations and the promises she made to herself. She has to be whole to be able to give herself wholly.

Right now I was a broken girl who cannot seem to fix herself because she could not forgive herself. There is no way around this. I have to be strong. I have to let him go to find myself again.

I reached the Surgical Residents' Callroom with fifteen minutes to spare. My batchmates, Jasmine and Kaloy, were already there and the post-duty team had begun their endorsements.

"Happy new year, Cara! Welcome to the first day of your next five years of unrest." Beverly, the newly second-year resident greeted me. "Well, since everyone is here, I'll call the Chief."

A few minutes later, our chief resident, Dr. Galicia, entered the room with a logbook and a lot of papers. Bagong ligo sya and mukha syang mabango for someone na post-duty. He exuded confidence and his presence demanded respect. Hindi sya paligoy-ligoy magsalita pero hindi rin sya masungit.

"Good morning guys, welcome back. I'm glad everyone decided to come early para maaga tayong makapagsimula sa OR." he said.

He quickly oriented us with our schedules and our posts for the next four months. We already knew what was expected of us and the details of our work responsibilities were already tackled during the pre-residency, so mabilis lang yung meeting, then endorsements na agad, then we were off to the start of the next five years of our lives.

Throughout the day, Jaxx had been calling me. I didn't pick up any of the calls. Some of them I rejected outright, the others pinabayan kong mag-ring hanggang until he will get the point that I was busy. There were a few messages from him but I didn't open them. I did not have the time to deal with the drama.

Finally, around dinnertime, it was Ace who called me. Alam kong kagagawan ito ni Jaxx but I didn't want to be rude to him because he was caught in the middle.

"Ace. Did Jaxx tell you to call me?" I said when I picked up his call.

"Yup. You've been ignoring him."

"It's my first day at work. Iba yung trabaho namin, we can't just pick the phone and have a chat anytime."

"You explain that to him. I don't want to be a part of this. Whatever your issue is, that's between the two of you."

"What did he want?" I sighed.

"Well, he said gusto ka niyang makausap. It's really important daw. But if you're too busy or whatever, sabi niya he left you a package sa info. Said you should check your messages and that package as well." Mahaba niyang paliwanag.