Everything She Wanted

31 Crackers and Noodles

I went home soon after the endorsements and slept the entire afternoon. I wasn't as nauseous as this morning but I still was not completely fine. I woke up when my Dad called me.

"Sky, hindi ka ba uuwi?"

"Sorry, Dad, I fell asleep after endorsements this morning. Kakagising ko lang."

"Did you hear mass na? Your mom and I are planning to hear mass sa Sacred Heart. Why don't you join us? Then we'll have dinner." He invited.

"Sure!" I was excited. "What time po ang mass?"

"In thirty minutes. Can you get ready in fifteen minutes?"

"Of course, Dad. I'm a surgical resident. Na-acquire ko na ang kabilisan ni Flash." I bragged before ending the call and getting ready.

The sweet fragrance of Stargazers welcomed when I opened the back door of Dad's car. There was a beautiful bouquet of pink and white lilies on the seat, some in full bloom, others in bulbs. I just stared at it speechless. I looked at my Dad but he was busy talking on the phone.

My thoughts were flooded with the memories of Jaxx and the first time he gave me a stargazer lily when he took me on our 4th date, a date that I didn't know was actually a date. It was a bare flower bulb that was eager to bloom. The nervous killer smile he flashed when he gave it to me, the electricity I felt when his fingers brushed mine. He told me to wait for it to bloom, to take care of it until then.

Jaxx.

I wasn't sure if I gagged or I sobbed because my mom turned around and called for me to get in.

"That arrived yesterday. Since di ka umuwi, dinala na lang namin so you can see it before it wilts." Mom said.

"Thank you." I took the card. It only held my name, nothing more. Of course, what did I expect?

After dinner, my parents did not stay long in my unit. They took my laundry and reminded be about keeping my cupboard stocked with real food, not instant ramen and crackers. Like I had the time to cook.

I placed the lilies in a vase on my nightstand next to the window. They were beautiful.

I wanted to thank Jaxx for the gesture, for remembering that they were my favorite. I wanted him to know that I appreciate his effort, even though it reminded me of us, and of how I broke his heart and mine. I fixed the lighting, took a snap, and posted it on my social media with a simple heart emoji caption.

I had a love-hate relationship with social media, but at that moment, I was thankful for it because it gave me a coward's method of thanking a person: indirectly and very impersonally, it was almost rude. Because that showed him that I had time to prepare the subject, edit filters, look for quotable quotes before finally posting it to garner likes and hearts, but I couldn't take the time to send him a short message of thanks. But I was a coward. I was not prepared to get a reply from him, but I was also sure I would be disappointed if I didn't. So to save myself from another sleepless night, I posted the photo.