Suicidal - 5sos

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Sophie's POV:

The boys walk off and I find myself alone with Luke. Oh no. Im not good at this. I've never been alone with a boy every in my life. What do they do? What do I say? My vision goes blurry. My breathing quickens. Oh no. Oh no! I can't have a fucking annoying panic attack in front of a famous guy in a boy band who I'm slightly attracted too (I think). My body is frozen but my mind is spiralling back to that one night, the whips, the screaming of my mum, my whole word falling - tumbling - bruising. All the tears; all the pain. 'Stay calm,' my inner voice urges, 'Dont freak out. Dont freak out.' But my inner voice fades away like a sun into storm and all I can hear is the grunts of my dad whipping my back and the screams of my mum as she watches from the floor. I bite down on my lip to stop myself from crying causing a feeling of my face falling to the floor after I was slapped on that one night. I can't stop though: its like my mind is being forever haunted of the sleepless nights crying in my dirty pillow. I can't contain it anymore. A fiery heat starts to erupt in my body like a volcano. I can't breathe; I can't swallow. I feel like I'm going to die. Oh fuck. Luke is watching me. No. No. He can't see me like this. But he realizes.

I shut my eyes tight and dig my fingernails into my arm. I feel hot tears trickling down my burning face and I want to sob in despair. I need this to stop. Why does this always happen? Why me? Why must my life be like this?

"Are-are you ok?" Luke's voice seems louder.

I try to nod - but my body is too paralyzed. I lean against a table nearby and started to sink back, slumping. I cradle my hot, red face in my hands trying to stop the pain but nothing helps.

"Whats-whats wrong?" He sinks next to me, placing a hand on my shoulder and embracing me. His body against mine immediately calms my body and the sobbing starts to stop. "It's ok...it's ok..."

My breathing returns to normal and I feel my face returning to a normal temperature. "Th-thank you," I stutter, looking up.

"Umm-do you still want to-uh-have a tour...?" he asks nervously. I nod, tucking my hair behind my ear. He stand up and reaches his hand out. I grab it and his touch helps me relax. As he pulls me up, he embraces me again.

"Do you...want to tell me what happened?"

"Umm, later - maybe," I say.

He takes me on a tour of his and his bandmates house: the kitchen was cute; the living room was really comfortable and big; and then he brings me to a room filled with microphones, guitars, bass guitars, speakers, headphones, drums and a large white desk filled with frayed paper.

"This is our recording studio," he gestures to the room. One of the light blue walls is scattered with pictures of them, from them with emo fringes on the left to them how they look now on the right. A timeline. "Well, its not our real recording studio, its just where we come up with ideas and record them for later. See all those papers on that messy desk?" he smiles, walking forward, "thats all our ideas."

"Cool..." I smiles, still staring at the timeline. I can't seem to take my eyes off it. "I guess Michael changes his hair a lot," I giggle, walking towards the pictures. He laughs. "I guess so," he chuckles, "hey, do you wanna hear a bit of our new song?" he asks excitedly like a little kid. I laugh at his happiness. "Sure"

"Its not entirely done, but its alright...I think..." Oh my god. He thinks of 'I think' too. Wow Im weird...I doubt any girl would ever think that.

He sits down on a black stool behind a microphone and picks up a guitar. I sit down on the stool next to him.

"She said to me,

"Forget what you thought

'Cause good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught.

So just turn around and forget what you saw

'Cause good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught."

"Thats just the chorus..." he smiles, looking up from the guitar into my eyes, "we're still working on it. I know its not that good but..."

"No-NO!" I smile a bit too happily. Oh god. He probably thinks I'm over excited. I look into his blue eyes and expect to see him looking creeped out but he just smiles.

"Its - uhh - really good. Like...umm-really good.," I giggle.

He shows me the rest of this house, like his one bedroom he shares with all his bandmates.

"By the way, you get your own bathroom," he giggles, "I'm sure Michael and Ashton won't mind if you use theirs. Cause, like, your a girl...and uhh...yeah," I giggle under my breath. It's so funny seeing boys trying to avoid saying the 'bad word' period. "Wait, I'm...sleeping here?"

"Well...if you-you want to..." he stutters.

"Oh - umm - okay...I guess..."

"HEY! LOVEBIRDS!" Calum shouts from downstairs - breaking the silence, "COME DOWNSTAIRS! PIZZAS HERE!"

"OH, AND BRING LIKE EVERY SINGLE BLANKET AND PILLOW POSSIBLE!" Ashton cries.

"Haha...typical Ashton," Luke laughs.

Me and Luke take the pillows and blankets down and we end up looking like huge Christmas trees covered in snow. We walk down just as Michael places the 2 pizzas on the table in the living room. "PIZZA MOTHERFUCKERS!" he cries.

"FUCK YEAH!" Ashton shouts. As we walk down the stairs Luke trips on the blanket and goes falling down the stairs like hes on a waterslide. "WEEE!" he screams. I start to laugh but then I feel myself falling down as well. I scream in happiness as we slide on our bellies to the bottom of the stairs. I find myself lying on the floor, face to face with a cute boy - so close that I can feel his hot breath on my face.

"Get a room!" Calum smiles.

We chuckle as we stand up dizzily. Still laughing, we drag the pillows and blankets onto the large beige L-shaped sofa and Calum turns on the T.V. "Who's ready for How I Met Your Mother?!"

"MEEEEEE!" Luke screams excitedly. I giggle again. And I realize, for the first time in my entire 18 years of life, I am laughing. I am happy.