POEMS

BECAUSE OF YOU

Because of you, I know have to protect myself. Because of you, I have to hide my feelings and emotions. When asked if you had any feelings for her, you said no. You said I was the only one and I actually believed you. I thought I was the only one cause I had asked you time and time again. So I figured I would give you my time. It wasn't until later that I knew something was gonna happen.

Few weeks go by and we're doing just fine. You seemed like yourself and I thought it was great. I thought you were great! I thought we had a spark--connection if you will, but all that changed THAT day. I never thought you were gonna be that kind of person who would string along a person like me, but here we are.

I asked you time and time if you had feelings for your ex and the answer was always the same. You would say no and I would believe you until one night. One night, I was texting you and you didn't seem like yourself. How did I know? Whenever we talked, you would get excited like a little kid on Christmas or their birthday, but on that night you weren't happy. You kept giving me short answers and whenever I said I liked you, you would say it back but it didn't seem like you meant it.

I decided to let it go because I had a feeling something was bothering you. I asked if something was on your mind and you replied. You said your ex came by to see you and right then my heart fell. I knew it was over with when you said that, but I tried to be positive. I tried to make excuses, but nothing was helping. I finally asked if you had feelings for her. You replied. You said you did, but you also had feelings for me. Right there. "I have feelings for you too." Those words cut like knives. You put me in a second position. You made me a second choice when I thought I was a first for once. 

You knew I was put in this position before and it didn't end well and now you did the same thing. You kept saying sorry to me over and over, but because of you...I find it hard to believe people. People like you who say they like me but deep down have feelings for their ex. The ex that treated you like crap. The one who cheated on you over and over when ya'll were together. The one who broke your heart and messed you up. You still have feelings for that? For her? Fine. Go ahead, but don't come back to me. 

We may have not been together as a couple, but we were talking and going out...and then you do that? Did I deserve that? No, I did not. In fact, I deserve better, but because of you...I questioned myself. My worth. Was I not enough? Do I need to change? What was it? I know these questions are dumb, but it gets a girl, like me, thinking if I did something wrong because you still had feelings for your ex. Was I not a good reason to forget her? I treated you well and yet you kept thinking of her? You still feel for her? After all she did to you? Because of you, I am scared to let my guard down again. Because of you, I cried because I liked you so much. Because of you, I had my family and friends asked if I was okay because they knew I liked you. But because of you...I will pick myself up. I will put a smile on and start again. Because of you, I will find what I am looking for. Because of you...