My Lillian

Chapter 23- Lillian

Time stopped when his lips latched onto mine, but the feelings I had intensified. I can only focus on how soft his lips are and how passionate this feels, yet it feels so wrong. I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I can't seem to stop my mind has gone completely numb. He tastes just how I thought however, he tastes better. He wraps his hands around my flushed cheeks, pulling me in closer, claiming my mouth as he slides his tongue in. I have never felt like this before my body feels alive. His hands go to my hips before picking me and pushing me up against the wall not breaking the contact of our fiery kiss.

One hand is holding me up while the other is playing and pulling the roots of my hair. My dress is all screwed up at the bottom slightly showing the lace of my panties. We passionately kiss what seems like a while, yet he pulls away and throws me on the bed on my back. He's standing over me making me feel small, yet he is so handsome from this view I can't seem to control my need for him at the moment. His eyes are so seductive yet gentle. He rips his t-shirt off and throwing it somewhere in the room. Unsure that to do with my hands I run my fingertips down the centre of his spine causing him to tense up and moan into my mouth. He starts to run his fingertips between my thighs causing me to tense my body making the hairs stand up all over my body. His tongue leaves my mouth and slowly moves to my neck, every second, every touch is unbearable but so incredible. He starts to nibble and suck at my neck as his hands push my dress up over my hips exposing my panties. I have kissed one person, and they haven't even made me feel like this, but this needs to stop, I can't let this happen.

"Stop!" my voice innocent, yet it doesn't even sound like me. My mouth is extremely dry. Jaxson carries on like I said nothing "Jaxson!" I scream using all my strength to push him off me. He jumps off me staring at me, his eyes are cold and dark, his lips swollen from all the intense and passionate kissing. How did that turn so quickly, from his kind and passionate eyes to his eyes turning dark and emotionless? He turns away from me searching the room for his t-shirt. He found it at the of the bed and pull it's over his head before walking over to the door to leave.

"Wait! I'm sorry" is the only sentence I can pull together. My heart feels like it will chip a little after seeing his face turn so cold towards and making me feel guilty.

"Why? You didn't do anything wrong" he stops in his tracks to the door and turns to look at me. When his eyes gaze at me, I look at the floor, amending my dress that is still over my hips.

"For letting the kiss happen even though you kissed me first, it shouldn't have happened and we both know it".

"Calm down Lilly it was just a kiss that we don't want to talk about, and it was a mistake. No one needs to know about this. It will be more embarrassing for you than it will be for me. Trust me" his words completely shattered me and I don't know why maybe because he didn't feel the way I felt. But to say it was a mistake is a bit out of line, he started it, and he continued, he never pulled away.

"I see back to being an asshole who just don't care" I sigh crossing my arms starting at the floor still avoiding his eye contact.

"I was always an asshole and always will be, I will never be anyone else other than me." his tone harsh. All I want to do is cry, but I can't let him see me cry as that's all he has seen my do. I feel embarrassed and humiliated, I will be just a joke for him to laugh about. And to say it was just a kiss is not what I felt. To me, it was not just a kiss it was more than that. I stay silent and bury my head further into my hands.

I hear the door close when he leaves. I can finally let the tears fall on my cheek and I begin to wipe them away with the jumper of his I am still wearing. Why do I have this on still? I yank the jumper over my body taking in a deep sigh. I got a hint of his strong and powerful cologne that is still lingering on the jumper he left. I need to give this back to him. I will on Monday but for now I chucked it over the end of the bed.

I pull the covers from my bed and crawl in laying on my side. I cover me with the blanket and place my arm underneath the pillow. The way his cold fingertips run up my thighs is a thought I can't stop thinking about. Every time I close my eyes I can't get the image of his face out of my mind forcing to open them again. I am not like this, I don't party and I don't go kissing random boys I've known just over a week. I am struggling to erase thoughts of how I wish it turned out differently and how much I want it to happen again. I manage to close my eyes into a restless sleep.