My Lillian

chapter 30-Lillian

I can notice everyone has rushed out from the he gym gathered in a circle around us, I start to feel sick to my stomach. Jaxson need to hear this, he is toxic, hateful, and unpredictable, and he is not good for me, however, he is like a magnet that I'm drawn to. He pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes confused. I look around at everyone and realize they only love the drama and want something to gossip about they don't care. I grab him by his arm and push our way through the crowds back to my dorm room. He keeps quiet the whole time I take advantage of his silence.

I slide the key and push the door open and luckily jess is still by the gym with everyone. Why did she not get involved or see if I'm okay? Maybe I am just a game to all of them. But Ethan, he is different he actually cares, and I can sense it. But he is just not Jaxson. "I... I don't know why I brought you here, but I couldn't handle the pressure of everyone staring at me." My voice is low as I look at the floor while Jaxson is still standing by the door. "It must be tiring acting like this?" I question him. This time my voice is more confident than before.

"What do you mean?"

"Acting like you don't care, and you don't have feelings". He closes the gap between us before running his long fingers through my hair. His action sends a burn down in my veins and I shiver down my spin. I am trying to block out the image of the homeless man and convince myself, it is only Jaxson touching me with his soft gentle hands.

"You clearly have me all wrong Lillian. You're the one acting like you don't want me, however, I can see you do. No one has ever made you feel the way I do. Admit it, Lillian." His blue eyes piercing through me. I can't help but stare at his plump lips as his teeth bite down hard on his bottom lip.

"No... you're lying I have once before" my voice starts to tremble and panic, and I start to feel nervous around him.

"No Lilly you haven't been touched in the way I touch you. I know what you want, and you want me to place my lips on yours and claim your mouth with my tongue. All you have to do is admit it," his voice is sexy and deep making me feel weak at my knees. My mouth falls in shock at his comments and how he can read me like a book. But how can he go from shouting at me to this? Why do I find him even more attractive than before? His dirty words towards me cause me to feel vulnerable and confused. I don't know what I want. "You feel it don't you?" I shake my head in disagreement. His smile grows as I start to walk back and fall on the bed. I quickly sit up staring at him as he is staring down at me.

"I am not feeling anything" I lie.

"Oh, Lillian please don't lie to me. You know your heart is racing more than usual, and you are starting to sweat a little. And you can feel the pulse in places you thought you couldn't". What he has said is true, and I want him more than ever immediately. How can I want him but hate him at the same time? He clearly knows that the right touch will crumble me.

He sits next to me on the bed and pulls me on top of him. I place my hand on his tattooed chest and can feel the pounding of his heart and how fast pace it is. We both say nothing but our eyes communicate our needs. His warm lips crash against mine and I start clawing down his torso. I yell out before pushing myself off Jaxson. I stand up and start tugging at the roots of my hair as I can't escape the nightmare of that night. I can't erase the filthy hideous dead eyes that were staring into my soul. How his rough hands pushed against my skin. The foul smell lingered from his clothes. Why is this happening to me? I catch a glimpse of Jaxson's face. He is startled at my outburst but keeps calm.

Jaxson jumps rushes over and wraps his arms around me. I can no longer control the shaking in my body. The floor feels like it is crumbling under me, and I'm going to be swallowed into a deep black hole. Jaxson manages to keep me up while I am crying. Tears streamed down my face as I let out a painful scream. I am struggling to breathe while my mind is replaying the attack. The room is spinning making me feel sick I just want this all to slow down. I can't cope. I am scared. Jaxson is holding me tight to his chest stroking and holding my head and begging me to calm down. I can hear the pain in his voice, but it is all muffled and my mind can't register what he is saying.

Even though everything Jaxson is saying is muffled I manage to take in one thing he says "please Lillian, please calm down I'm here. I'm not going anywhere I promise. You're my Lillian and I need you as much you need me" he pleads to me. Instantly my breathing slowed slows down and control my fast pacing heart rate. How can one simple sentence from a certain person calm me down almost instantly?

After about twenty minutes of silence, I push away from Jaxson, wiping the tears from my face. He looks unsettled and broken. I stand by the wall and I'm glad he was here. What am I going to do tonight?

"Lillian, please come and stay with me tonight, I can't let sleep tonight alone in this room." His voice is unrecognizably low yet filled with fear.

"I will be fine". He grabs my hands and rests his head against mine. His breathing is slow and the hint of mint flies up to my nose. I know he is right but we both have a lot to do.

"Jaxson, we have only a few days till the first game of the season. We both have so much to do. I will be fine once I'm asleep".

"Fine! I will stay here with you on your small uncomfortable college bed." I hate when I'm wrong. A smile starts to fill his face, and he crosses his arms. I can't help but smile at him.

"Let me pack some clothes for tomorrow then. I can't go to college in the same clothes as today. I know we left early, do you think my cheer coach will care? And what about your football coach? He won't be happy with you" Panic starts to set in. He keeps quiet and I pull away from him.

I pull my backpack from my bed and pack a few clothes and things for tomorrow. This is not how I expected it to end today. I will be spending an evening with Jaxson. "Are you ready to leave?" Jaxson questions me standing by the door, he is so impatient.

"Yeah, I'm ready to go" I smile. Jaxson turns the doorknob and opening the door. Jess barges past me without saying a word. "Erm hello?" I ask and all she does is look at me then looking away. I am really not prepared for what she has to say. I look over at Jaxson confused. He just shrugs, rolls his eyes and walks down the hall and exits out of the dorm. Shortly I follow him not saying a word to Jess and meet him outside.

"Where have you parked the car? This feels like forever and my bag is heavy." I joke laughing at myself while I'm sarcastically dragging my bag on the floor. He reaches and grabs my backpack from my hand and throws it over his shoulder. I can't believe Jaxson Jones is holding my bag.

"Around the other side of college," his laugh is playful, and I am not amused at all. I narrow my eyes playfully as he turns to look at me. His laughter is childlike and one sound that warms my ears causing me to grin at him.

What seemed like forever, we finally got to the car. His car stood out from all the other basic plain cars that were in the parking lot. His car is stylish matching his style standing out compared to all the others. I fall into the passenger seat of the car and open the window straight away. The heat is burning down and a few trickles of sweat fall from my forehead. I hope this car journey is different from our usual car journeys.