Balinor's Son

Forgiveness and Trust

"So..." Merlin began as he filled Arthur's wooden bowl with the three day old stew. He cast a glance around at the other knights who were all to wrapped up in their own conversations and training to notice the servant and the prince. "How did you find out? Who told you?"

"A girl in the village. Sophia, I think her name was."

"Ugh... Sophia."

"You're familiar?"

"Of course. She's the girl who followed Will and I around until one day she saw me use magic. She tried to tell everyone about it. Most of the adults didn't believe her because they trusted my mother, for the most part - trust doesn't always mean respect - but that didn't stop her from convincing the other children to stay away from me." He shuddered. "The years before I came to Camelot were some of the worst of my life."

Arthur stirred his stew thoughtfully. "How so?"

"I couldn't go a day without hearing 'filthy sorcerer' or 'Devil's bastard.' There were even some days they decided to beat me."

"They what?!" Arthur's eyes flared with anger. It surprised him how nonchalant Merlin could be about what must have been a traumatic event.  

"It's okay. I've come to terms with it." Arthur made a move to reply but Merlin continued before he could. "Please, don't do or say anything rash! Although I didn't feel this way then, I know now that their actions were born out of ignorance. You can't always blame someone for their ignorance. Even if it is their fault, it's no use carrying that around with you. It can weigh you down, hold you back. And you know what that means."

"I don't," Arthur replied, skeptically.

"It means they've won."

Arthur was astonished. Before him was a young boy who had been tortured, mentally and physically, for something that he couldn't control. However, here he was showing empathy and forgiveness for the inflictors, the ones who did not show him the same courtesy. 

"Merlin, you don't have to forgive them."

"I don't. But it makes me feel better. When I came to Camelot I wanted a new life. That couldn't happen without leaving things behind." He smiled to himself. "Any grudges I held stayed behind in Ealdor and even though I found myself at the epicenter of magical genocide, I had never felt more free." His smile faltered. "Although, there were some moments my confidence wavered. I might have forgiven them but their words still affected me. I still see myself as a monster sometimes. An abomination." He sat down on the log next to Arthur. 

"You're not an abomination."

Merlin blushed slightly and smiled to himself. "It still doesn't feel real. Talking with you about this."

"I can understand that. It still doesn't feel real to me, talking so civilly to someone with magic."

Merlin smirked. "You think I'm civil?"

"Well, I didn't say that."

"Of course you didn't."

Arthur shifted on the log. "It's just... hard."

"Wow. What wise words from the prince of Camelot."

"Shut up, Merlin! I'm being serious."

Merlin nodded and indicated he should continue.

"I love my father. Him and I are not apt in showing our affections, like you and your mother, but it's the same feeling. I don't want to disappoint him, even if deep down I know he's wrong about many things." 

Merlin put a supportive hand on the prince's shoulder. "I know I would want to make my father proud."

"And you will," Arthur said confidently.