Balinor's Son

Epilogue

Arthur and Merlin stood together beside the lake, watching the boat creep farther and farther away from the shore. Flames bristled above the wooden boat, rippling the air around it.

"I'm sorry," Arthur said. "I feel as if this is all my fault."

Merlin shook his head. "You shouldn't blame yourself. There are things we both could have done differently. But... that's us speaking about it now. We did the best we could."

"I suppose you're right. I just wish things would've been different. If my father hadn't been so cruel, so ignorant..."

"But it was your father's ignorance that directly led to my birth. In a perfect world, I would have never been born."

"You shouldn't say things like that."

"Why not? It's true." Merlin sighed as Arthur gave no response. "I think it's important to remember... your father's terrible deeds blossomed from something beautiful."

"What do you mean?"

"Love. A love for your mother that caused him to turn against even his closest of friends. A love that drove him mad, gave him a new lust for power. It's like magic, Arthur. Just as love can drive a person to do horrible things, so can magic."

"But love isn't evil," Arthur said as he glanced back at Gwen who stood a little ways away next to the Morgana.

"And neither is magic."

"When will you hold the ceremony for Uther?" Merlin asked after a long pause.

Arthur gazed at the now half sunken boat. "I'm not sure if I will hold any. Maybe something small, for me, for Morgana if she wishes. The members of the council will want to attend. It feels wrong to do anything more."

"It doesn't have to. You can choose to celebrate the man he once was."

"I doubt any of the people remember him that way."

"Even so, I'll be there."

"No, you shouldn't be."

"Not for him. For you. I don't want you to feel you are alone."

Arthur smiled. "What will you do? After I mean... The plan had been for you to go into hiding... but now it seems..."

"I'll be wherever you want me."

Arthur nodded. "I want you here. I want you in Camelot. I think it's where you belong."

"I would agree."

There was a long silence between the pair, filled only by the gentle lull of the lake and the murmur of conversation from the people surrounding them.

"Merlin?"

"Yes?"

"You mentioned my mother."

"I did."

"You know what happened then? The circumstances of my birth?"

"Yes."

"You knew Morgause was telling the truth?"

Merlin met Arthur's gaze and gave a small nod. 

"Then why would you lie?"

"Arthur, if you had killed your father then... without any more explanation whatsoever... it would've destroyed you. Isn't it hard enough living with it now?"

Arthur gave no indication of a response but Merlin knew he understood.

"But it's not just that. I don't think you were ready."

"I think you're right. I wasn't ready then. I'm not ready now."

"It's okay not to be ready."

"I think it is too. It's what I've got you for. I'm sure you'll keep me from doing anything too stupid."

"Really? You think I'm the one to avoid stupidity?"

"You're right, I don't know what I was thinking."

Each man smiled to himself. 

The flames had finally overtaken the boat, bringing it down into the depths of the lake. The pair listened to the birds chirping in the trees around them. It was a beautiful morning. The slight warmth of the sun rested on their faces. Merlin glanced behind him and found his mother in the scatter of people. 

"How is she?" Arthur asked, knowing where Merlin was looking.

"She's... it's hard to say with her. She acts strong for me but... she's hurting. She blames herself for allowing herself to hope. You spend twenty years closing a wound only to have it spill open again. She's grateful I'm safe." He looked back to Arthur. "She'll be okay, but it'll take time."

Arthur heaved a sigh. "Like everything."

"Yeah." He looked again to his mother. "Arthur?"

"Yes?"

"You don't have to worry. You don't need to be ready to be king because I'm going to be there for you. We kid... but you know that, right?"

"I do. And I can say the same for you."

Merlin grinned and nodded. "Right." He looked at the place where the boat had disappeared. He took a shaky breath. 

"Will you be okay?"

"I just wished I'd gotten the chance to know him better. I wanted him to know me."

"I can understand how you feel. It's the same with my mother. I know it sounds awful, but hold on to those few moments you did have. They're... something."

"They seem like everything now. But it was so hazy... I was barley awake." His eyes stung. "Sometimes when I'm trying to think about what happened I can't remember what's a real memory and what my mind's made up."

Arthur put an arm around his friend as he shed his long barricaded tears. 

After some time Merlin broke away and wiped his face. "Kilgharrah's expecting us."

"We'd better go then."

The manservant turned to leave. 

"And Merlin?"

"Yeah?"

Arthur stared at him, unable to put to words what he had to say. "It's just... after everything I never got the chance to thank you."

"For what?"

"For saving my neck all those time over. Never seeking any credit."

"I do it because it's you, Arthur. Not for credit. I know you'd do the same for me. You have, in fact."

"Good."

"Good."

There was an awkward moment, broken only by Merlin's laughter.

"What? What's so funny?"

"You just don't know how to end a conversation. That's all."

Arthur squinted, perplexed by what he meant. Merlin tugged on his arm.

"Come on, if we keep him waiting much longer Kilgharrah might just free himself."

Wait... Arthur thought. Free him? Didn't that sound like a bad idea?  However, without much resistance, Arthur followed. As much as he was apprehensive about the prospect of staring down a rather large dragon, he couldn't have been less afraid. He new his manservant new what he was doing. Above everything else, he trusted Merlin.

---+--- 

Hello Hello!!! If you got this far, thanks for reading! I hope the ending was satisfying. If not, well... I tried my best ; ) I had a lot of fun writing this so I'm probably going to write some more Merlin stuff soon if that sounds interesting.

Have a great rest of your day! (or middle of the night because I know that's when I do most of my reading)