Asami's Shadow (Ryoma's POV)

Chapter 33

I felt as though I was rocking and my eyes snapped open.  My heart slowed when I saw Sayomi, calmly watching me until she looked toward the window.  I glanced around the carriage, confused.  "What happened?"

"Nothing you need to worry about."

I smiled.  "So, you didn't do it?"  I blinked in confusion as I had a thousand questions.  "How'd we get here?  Where are we?"

She turned her gaze to me, eyes clear.  I must have been exhausted... but she didn't slaughter them and got me back instead?  "We're in Wu and Keiji helped."

I scratched my head, embarrassed.  I don't feel sick... and yet, she would have had to get him, come back, then they move me somehow.  Why didn't I wake?  "But..."

We stopped and I looked outside, we were in Wu.  How?  "This is a good place little lady!"

Sayomi frowned playfully as he threw open the door.  "You of all people should know I am no lady."

She smiled as he laughed.  "That is true."  He stepped aside and I was met with another sketchy looking teahouse, but was excited to see what was inside.  "Shall we?"

I glanced around as Keiji ordered and noticed Sayomi watching me.  She may like me a little...  "Is this place as good as the last one?"

She smiled and it was breathtaking.  "You'll find out."

Her eyes would stray slightly as people moved around, but I was focused on her.  "How do you two find places like this?"

She poured the tea when it came and I noted she did so with the grace and precision of a handmaiden.  Not all that surprising, considering...  "A lot of traveling."

I scoffed at the wild hair man, ready to try the food as it was set in front of us.  "I traveled a lot and never have found food and tea this good."

He smirked at me.  "People like you don't give these places a second glance."

I coughed as that caught me off guard.  "People like me?"

The corners of Sayomi's mouth twitched.  "The upper-class."

I frowned.  "That's not..."

Keiji chuckled.  "No?  Would you really have step foot in here if not following her, My Lord."

I sighed, it seemed being noble was a running joke among them.  "No, but now I'll have to try."

Sayomi's attention was not with us.  "Just make sure one of us are with you.  You'd get hurt if the wrong people got any ideas."

I glanced at him, but stayed silent as another table spoke.  "... burn an entire compound to the ground and vanish?"

Her gaze turned to me as my heart broke the more they spoke.  She did it... and she cares nothing for it.  "They said there were no survivors, not even the dogs made it."

"Good riddance, that crew was a bunch of bandits."

My stomach turned as I was processing, anger simmering as her eyes never strayed from mine.  "Well, another good thing is Wei pulled back their army.  They say it had to be an inside job."

Sayomi looked satisfied with what she was hearing, not an ounce of regret in her eyes.  "Good, that means Shu won't have to go to war."

I flared my nostrils.  "Yo-"

She arched a brow.  "This is not the place to discuss this."  She looked to Keiji and finished her tea calmly before rising.  I stalked after her, pissed.  I tried to speak when we got in the carriage, but she glared at me.  "Wait."

Keiji handed her boxes and we set off.  I was fuming.  She went through with it.  Not only that, but she doesn't feel any remorse for her actions.  Now, Wei is looking for her or... no, someone in their borders...  She sighed softly.  "Now you can speak, but do try to keep your voice down."

I clenched my jaw.  "You said nothing happened."

She opened the box with her food and began to eat.  "I said, it was nothing for you to worry about."

I gaped unable to control my volume.  "So you did it?"

She pursed her lips as she nodded.  "I told you I would."

I took a deep breath, trying to control my fury.  "How can you be so calm about this?"  Her shoulders rose and fell nonchalantly and my heart twisted.  "You've done this before."

It wasn't a question, but I feared the answer as she looked towards the window.  "Similar things, yes."

I searched her face, completely serene.  "And it doesn't bother you?"

Her head tilted as her eyes clouded.  "Not particularly."

She finished her food and I grabbed one of her hands.  Then how...  "You drugged me..."

She met my gaze, not moving her hand.  "Yes."

I swallowed the lump in my throat.  I was afraid not only of her, but for her.  "Why?  I would have-"

Her eyes hardened.  "You wouldn't have been able to do it for one.  Also, you have honor and a reputation to protect.  I have none of those things."  I sat back, releasing her in my despair.  "This isn't the same as killing people on the battlefield.  This is colder, darker. It is the slaughter of innocent and not so innocent alike and they are never given a chance to defend themselves."

The truth of her words cut deep as she gave me an answer I had been searching for.  "What I've done, what I do... it takes away pieces of you until there is nothing left.  You deserve better than that.  You don't belong in this world and you can't protect me from it.  I'm already in too deep."

I couldn't hold back my tears anymore as she searched my eyes for an answer I couldn't give her.  I see this hurts you, but I also see you want to be in this world.  You find purpose in it, but...  "You deserve better too."

Her eyes widened slightly before they saddened and she looked out of the window in silence.  So, I have answers and... I'm not sure if I can handle the truth as well as I thought.  That woman... she made my little tiger a cold blooded murderer.  She kills not because she has to, but is ordered and enjoys it.  She does whatever she has to, becomes whoever she has to... just to take life.  This is not the future I or her parents wanted for her, but if she's right... I can't save her from it.