Silent Cries H.S {AU}

Chapter 25

“The thought of losing you, impairs my heart, the emptiness consumes my mind, incapable to comprehend what I would do without you.”

                                        -S.S

I came back from the bathroom, early morning sun light streaming in through the living room curtains. It framed my lovely Kellie wonderfully, collecting around her like an angel. The way I always saw her. I smiled and pulled the throw blanket we’d slept under, further up her body, kissing her forehead before heading off to the kitchen to start on some breakfast for us.

I started mixing some pancake powder, eggs, and milk together, while my mind wandered off to other things. Things like… Like if Kellie hadn’t lived.

A cold chill ran down my spine at the simple thought, heart pausing a beat as I thought over the scenario.

The doctor would’ve come out, a saddened face. I can hear the line he would’ve said: “I’m sorry, we tried everything we could. It was too late.” I can hear the single cry of heartbroken agony that I would release before dropping to my knees and sobbing my broken heart out.

I could see how the mortician would look at her, maybe shed a tear at her young age and beauty, and that she’d killed herself. He’d cut her open after, do whatever it was that they do, then dress her up, lay her in a wooden box. I’d… I’d go to her funeral, and cry my eyes out. I’d just be heartbroken, sit at the grave for hours. Hell, I might even decide to join her.

I shook the thoughts away, but as I sprinkled chocolate chips in the pancakes in the shape of a heart, I saw myself in five years, having lost the only girl I could ever love. I was something I hated, like an accountant or something. I felt nothing, I was nothing. I was an empty person, no feelings and no reason to hold on.

All of a sudden, all these theories started invading my mind, like if Kellie had gone into a coma, how I’d sit by her bed side as we both grew old. I’d just be waiting for her to wake up, and it’d never occur. She’d remain unconscious until I died, then they’d pull the plug, and we’d finally meet in heaven.

Before I knew what was happening, the smoke detector was going off, the pancakes were burnt, I was curled on the floor crying.

“Harry? Baby!?” I put my head into my hands and sobbed harder, forgetting for a moment that this was real life.

I looked up through my tears and saw Kellie turn off the stove top, move the pan into the sink, turn on the cold water. Then she walked over to me and brought my shivering body into her arms.

“Harry!” She called out, cupping my face, wiping away some of my tears. “Baby, look at me.”

I whimpered and rested my head over her heart, calming as I felt it beat steadily under my head, the soft delicate thud that reassured me that I’d saved her. I didn’t have to live without her. We’d succeeded. Kellie was alive and holding me as I sobbed like mad. “What’s going on?” She whispered, running her long beautiful fingers through my hair.

“I-I-I… Y-You… Suicide.” I managed out.

Kellie sighed, running her hands through my hair slower, calming me more with each stroke. “Oh Harry.” She whispered. I wailed into her chest, hugging her waist tighter. “I-I’m sorry.”

I squeezed her tighter than I’d ever meant to and heard a soft wince escape her, but I couldn’t care at this moment. It was just sinking in that my princess, my entire universe, had tried to take her own life. And I hadn’t been there to stop it. She’d needed me and I wasn’t there.

With the sudden overwhelming understanding of my girlfriends attempted suicide, I finally broke into a billion pieces, after being her superman for so long.

“I l-love you. I-I fucking love-love you K-Kellie.” I sobbed, whimpering as she cradled me in her arms.

“I love you too baby. I love you so much Harry.” She whispered, voice shaking wildly. I nuzzled her left breast, inhaling her comforting perfume.

“Please don’t leave me.”

She hugged me tighter and kissed my forehead, tilting my head up to gaze into my eyes. “I won’t.” She ran her fingertips down my cheek, kissing away my tears. “I won’t, Harry, I won’t.”

I sniffled and rested my head on her shoulder, face pressed into the crook of her neck. I laid in her grasp for uncountable minutes, hours, who knows. All I could understand was that time was passing, and Kellie was being my rock. I was nervous for her, feeling like I was putting too much pressure upon her frail shoulders, but she didn’t seem to mind this time. She seemed like she was capable of letting me have this moment of vulnerability with her, with my queen.

About two hours after my mini breakdown, Kellie curled up against me, head over my heart, as always. It was one of the things I loved the most. It was my favorite action of hers. It made me smile every single time. Without fail.

As she did this, her tiny body was revealed and reminded me that she was the fragile, delicate rose in this dark cruel world. She was the one I was supposed to protect, at all times. I wrapped my arms tight around her waist, keeping her pressed to my body. She melted into the form of me within moments, and I felt warmth spread throughout my body. I kissed the top of her head and rolled on my side, her legs locking around one of mine.

“I love you.” Kellie whispered, voice soft, dry, and slurred from how tired she was.

“I love you Kellie, now sleep baby.” She kissed my heart, then her eyes drifted closed, and she was once again soundly asleep.

“Don’t ever leave me like that, sweetheart.” I murmured, kissing the top of her head gently. “I need you. I need you so badly, all the time, for all eternity.”

Kellie hummed softly, her voice squeaking a bit as she did. I chuckled quietly, smiling down at my little angel, with her beautiful chocolate curls, the emerald gems that gleamed in her eyes, the rose color of lips, the way her nose and cheeks turned a light pink when she got embarrassed, cold, warm, or nervous. She was my angel, and she always would be.

“I love you.” I murmured to her, again.

She shifted slightly in her sleep, pressing her face into my chest. “And one day, I want to marry you.”