Silent Cries H.S {AU}

Chapter 16

“Sometimes words are not enough.”

                                                        -Lemony Snicket

It was odd, knowing that a single month ago I had meant something to someone. But now I was no one's anything. It truly was an odd thing. Harry hadn’t bothered trying to talk to me again, and as much as it hurt, I knew that it was for the best. Boys don’t fall in love with sad girls, like me.

So life had pretty much morphed back into what it had always been. But I had never noticed how dull the life I thought I was living, truly was. I wasn’t even living. I was simply surviving. I wasn’t waiting for a happy ending, just for the ending. Harry had pulled me out of my routine, out of my comfy rut, but now I’d fallen back into it. And after seeing what was above my trench, all I wanted was to try and climb out, but the walls kept crumbling under my hands. I felt so trapped. I was screaming, crying out for someone, anyone’s help. But no one could hear me. I was just screaming into an abyss of loneliness. No one could hear my silent cries, my unheard pleas for help. I wanted someone to reach into my dark world and drag me out like Harry had. But they just kept walking around the entrance, knowing that dangerous dark monsters lurked in that darkness. They just didn’t know how the monsters, demons, even Satan himself, would make you mute to those who could help you, instead they spoke for you with ‘I’m fine’ and ‘nothings wrong’ when in all actuality; nothing was right.

But as Lemony Snicket once said, words aren’t always enough. But that’s just the thing. These evil monsters posses you, take over every piece of you accept your mind, and even half of that is taken. So you can’t cry, you can’t let the sorrow show in your eyes. You’re comatose, but still wide awake. You’re a robot with half a functioning mind, pleading for help.

But again, no one had a single idea. Except for maybe Mr. Jaxon. He was my English teacher after all, and I poured everything into that class, because it was probably the only class I really liked. Harry might’ve before, but he definitely could never guess the depth of my sadness now.

Staring up at the school from the front seat of my car, I took a deep breath and got out of the car, slinging my backpack over my shoulder. I winced as I felt the empty pit in my stomach, trying to remember the last time I ate. But I shrugged it off. Eating wasn’t my top priority at the moment.

I gasped as someone tapped on my shoulder, and turned to find Harry, his eyes dim.

“What?” I asked softly, tugging my sleeves down over my wrists to keep my cuts from Harry. He looked me over, a small smile falling upon his lips.

“I… I just wanted to give you  this.”  He took my left hand and set a folded up note in it, before gently squeezing the delicate digits. Then I turned away and walked towards the school. I waited until I got to the front gate of the school, turning around a corner before I unfolded it and looked at it.

My dear,

I really tried to explain everything, every piece of my thoughts, but during these days, I just do not feel worthy your time. I do not know why this happened; all I know is that I cannot change it.

                                -James Andrew Crosby

I smiled softly and pressed the folded up note to my chest, feeling my heartbeat a little faster than it had in a month. But then it was gone, and all I wanted was to feel something again.

But with the note held close, I entered the school, hearing the whispers of how I was losing weight and hadn’t talked to anyone in a long time. It drove me insane that idiots like half the school had nothing better to do than talk about people that were struggling with life, behind their backs. And not even bother to try and keep their conversations low enough so that the subject didn’t hear. They simply didn’t care.

I tucked the little note into my bra, so it could cover my heart, and switched out my books, heading off to the first class of the day, which just so happened to be Honors Chem today.

As I sat in class, waiting for the bell to go off, I opened a notebook of mine that I saved for doodling and such, and scribbled out a note to Harry.

You tell me it’s going to be okay but you don’t know and you can’t promise, so why pretend?

                            -Unknown, my dear.

I sighed and ripped it out, folding up the paper. I wanted to write something sweet, like how he’d found a poem for me by my favorite poet. But all that came out was a familiar poem that fit what I was trying to scream at him, in complete silence.

I leaned back in my seat, taking notes when needed, not answering questions, the usual. When the bell went off again, I left the room and went to the class I knew Harry had when I had Chem first. I stood outside the automotive classroom for a few seconds before he emerged, gasping at the sight of me.

“Kellie.” I nodded and set the note for him in his hand, gently squeezing it in reply before turning and walking off.

Before I could make it all the way down the hallway, a warm hand took hold of my wrist and spun me around. I looked up at the figure to find stunning green eyes. He took a deep breath and pulled me closer.

“The world isn’t as cruel as you take it to be.” He stated.

“But I know too much about my life to be optimistic.” I replied coldly.

Harry took in a deep breath and the letter I’d just given him crunched as he smashed it in his fist.

“I fucking love you. Isn’t that enough for you to try and be optimistic? Out of everyone on this entire fucking planet, I’m in love with you and you only.” He cupped my face, dropping the balled up note to the floor. “You’re my light, and you’ve shown me that my life was such a fucking routine before I met you. You’ve gave it adventure and these emotions I’ve never felt, and I don’t ever want to give it up. Give us up.”

I looked down to the floor before he tilted my face back up. “If you tell me to leave you alone right now. To go away and never come near you again, I will.” His voice wobbled in fear as he stated this. “I promise you.”

I bit my lip and opened my mouth, but no sound came out. I cleared my throat and tried again. “I… I w-want.” I stopped and looked into his eyes, my own filling with tears. “I-I want you to stay with me,” I whimpered, pressing my face into his chest. “But I don’t want to be hurt again.”

Harry hushed me, tugging me into a unisex bathroom, locking the door behind us. “You don’t have to worry about that, baby.” He murmured, looking deep into my eyes. “I don’t plan on hurting you ever again. Seeing the look on your face was enough to hurt me for the next thousand years.” He whispered, kissing my forehead softly.

“I can’t trust you.” I murmured, backing out of his warm embrace.

Harry nodded, “I’ll win it back… You just have to give us a shot and I’ll prove that that was a complete accident.”

I gulped and looked away from him.

“Sometimes words are not enough.” I murmured.

Harry took a step forward, lacing our fingers and tilting my head up with his other hand. “I don’t need words to show you that you’re my world. Give me time with you, and I’ll show you how priceless you are to me.”

He rested his forehead upon mine, looked into my eyes for permission. But not jut permission to kiss me, permission to try with him. Try and be happy. A completely foreign feeling.

I let my eyes close slowly, leaning in a bit, and felt his lips press to mine, oh so softly.

Finally.