Silent Cries H.S {AU}

Chapter 13

“Stupid me thinking I was finally good enough.”

                                                                                            -L.P

“What do you think the author is trying to say here?” Mr. Jaxon asked as he pointed to the smart board where the poem sat. I looked up for the first time this hour and glanced around the room, then heaved a sigh. Of course I wasn’t the one who got sick from my brilliant idea of going out in the rain, Harry had been. And school was one hell of a borefest without him here. I could honestly say that actually doing the work was becoming more intriguing than anything else I had tried to distract me.

Poor Mr. Jaxon was put out of his misery as the last bell of the day finally toned, and it hadn’t even finished going off before I was out the door and ten feet from the door.

I got to my locker and frowned as I saw little Miss Perfect Macy Hall standing there, tapping her foot impatiently with a frown on her face. Taking a deep breath and asking god or whatever force there possibly could be above for patience, I walked towards my locker.

“Oh there you are darling!” She greeted with a thick layer of faux sweetness covering her words, I could practically feel diabetes crawling into my body. “I’ve been waiting.”

I rolled my eyes and opened my locker, stuffing my chemistry book inside. I took the homework I’d collected for Harry and safely tucked it inside my bag with my math book and pulled on my coat and a knit beanie that my brother had got me a few christmases ago. “Going to see the boyfriend?” Without a second thought I nodded, quickly wishing to bash my face in once I realized I had. “How sweet. Tell him I said hi, yeah?” I rolled my eyes again and walked away after slamming my locker.

Of course, I had the pleasure of walking home today. Seeing as step-ugly had taken my car without permission and lost my keys, dick face. So I began the long trek to Harry’s, My Chemical Romance blasting out of my headphones as my Docs splashed in puddles on the sidewalks.

Thankfully Harry lived a lot closer to the high school than I did, so it didn’t take an hour to get to his house like it did mine. I was overjoyed with that result. I hated the cold, I felt it too often.

I turned onto Harry’s street and looked ahead, frowning as I saw an unfamiliar car in his driveway, but I quickly remembered that he’d said something about a family member coming over later in the day to give him antibiotics and some food. I smiled at the thought of cuddling up to his warm form and babying him like he always did to me.

I soon found myself stepping onto his front porch, and opening the door, walking right in as he’d instructed me to that morning when I stopped by to check on him. I slid my backpack off my shoulders and onto a table near the door, digging out the work and materials for Harry.

“You missed out big time. Mr. Solen had to sub for a few minutes in English before Jaxon got back from something, and he tripped and fell on Juliana Mathers.” I called into the quiet house. “I almost gave myself a nose bleed trying not to laugh.”

I frowned at the lack of response and entered the living room as I shuffled through the papers in my hands. “You probably would’ve told me off for laughing, but I know you’d think it was hilarious too-” I looked up and felt every muscle in my body freeze as I spotted Macy on top of Harry, her hand down the front of his jeans as they heavily made out. Just like that, the baby steps I’d made towards getting better all crashed to the ground. No, they actually kept falling through the ground, plummeting into the deepest pits of hell.

My body went numb and the books and papers dropped from my hands, finally breaking the true lovers apart.

“Oh, hello darling.” Macy greeted in the same tone as she had at my locker. Harry went completely pale as I stood still, rooted to my spot in his living room. “How nice of you to join us. I was just about to ask dear Harry here where the emo bitch was.”

I brushed off her words and kept my eyes trained on Harry’s. “I-I trusted you.” I whimpered. I sniffled and the light feeling he’d been giving me dissipated, causing my deep dark feelings from before to crash on top of me again, only 6 tons heavier.

I finally processed what I’d walked in on and spun around, dashing out of the door and down the street, hearing the comforting boom of thunder echo in the skies above.

I ran through the woods behind Harry’s house, pushing branches out of my way, ignoring the sting of the ones I missed, all I could think about was getting as far away from Harry and Macy as physically possible.

I don’t know how far I got, or how long I ran for, but after what seemed like just moments, I collapsed into the soft cold ground, stabilizing myself on my hands and knees as my stomach forced out everything in it and my mind spun with every bittersweet lie Harry had hand fed me.

“FUCK!” I screamed, pushing up from the ground and pushing on about thirty more feet before finally collapsing back to the forest floor. I gave up trying to get away and let out more screams, beating on the ground and digging my hands into the dirt. I stopped making noises as I heard something far away, and simply curled up in a ball, staring off straight as I shivered from cold winds and my best friends sweet embrace; from rains loving whispers in my ears.

I must have passed out or something, because when I opened my eyes again, the forest was pitch black and everything seemed to be silent, waiting to see what I would do. So I decided to give a show.

I raised myself onto my shaky legs and took in a deep breath, thinking of that familiar poem. So I did as it said. To get Harry out of my head for even a few moments, I began screaming his name at the top of my lungs, endless profanity after the sweet sound every time, shining like a diamond among coal.

I screamed until I had nothing left inside of me. I screamed until my voice cracked and died. I screamed until the only sound that left my body was the soft sound of air being forced from a body. I screamed until I was back where I started; in an empty, sad, broken body.

Then I let a few more tears stream before wiping them on my muddied sleeve and walking on numb legs towards where I hoped some shelter was. Maybe even my home.

For once it didn’t seem like too bad of a place to be. Maybe I should just enjoy it there before my mother or I end my life.

The little monsters in my head grinned evilly as suicide re-entered my thoughts, and all I could think about were my shiny blades packed away in my closet, untouched for two years.

Suddenly, the self-harm sobriety seemed completely idiotic. Why let others hurt me when I could do it myself, and calculate how much I really wanted to feel. At least these would only hurt for a few days, whereas Harry’s cuts would sting for a while.

But really, I couldn’t blame him. I should’ve seen this coming. Macy was gorgeous, talented, smart. She was everything that guys wanted… Whereas, I wasn’t. Simple as that. I didn’t do my hair, I didn’t wear anything but black. My make-up wasn’t fancy and didn’t make me look pretty. I didn’t smile much. I wasn’t smart or funny or talented in anyway. The most talent I had was telling you lyrics to my favorite bands and poems that my father and I used to read together before I let him die at my mothers hands.

What would someone as perfect as Harry, ever want from me?