Silent Cries H.S {AU}

Chapter 10

“I am tired, but I’m fine. Please don’t take away my sadness, it’s the only thing that’s mine.”

                                                                                                                -A.L

“Taco Bell, for my princess.” Harry said first thing as I opened the door for him, a warm bag being thrust into my hands.

I smiled and looked up at the angel I’d stumbled upon in that exact eatery. “You got this just for me?”

“Well, a little for me, but yes.” He stated, kissing my cheek.

I bit my lip as he walked away from the door and to the kitchen, the sound of plates clanking together echoing in the empty house. Step-ugly and Randi had taken my brother to the movies to see The Lego Movie, as a way to treat him for being the favorite child. It was a good thing they were gone, I adored Alex, but the only time those fuckers left me alone was when they were doting over him.

I entered the kitchen and set the bag on the counter for Harry, watching him lift out his tacos and mine, before pushing the plate in front of me and pulling two cans of black cherry knock-off pop from his coat pockets.

“Holy fuck, what did you do?” I asked suspiciously as I sat down, ready for him to drop the bomb that he’d cheated or was going back to Macy or something.

“Nothing, I just like to spoil you.” I smiled in adoration and  my heart suddenly did this strange thing and I stopped smiling and looked away from him. “Hey, are you alright?” Harry reached across the counter and tilted my face up, making my eyes meet his.

I swallowed those selfish feelings within me as I saw the worry in his eyes, nodding with a tiny smile.

“Yeah, I just thought of something. It’s no worry.” I told him.

Harry gave me an unsure look for a moment, then reluctantly nodded and sat at my side as we both dug into our Tacos.

As he stopped paying such close attention to me, I let the distance between us grow, I needed it to. He was dangerously close, it was too risky. I couldn’t risk that deep heartache ever again. I’d only barely made it through losing my dad. Hell, let’s be real. I was nowhere near okay with my daddy dying, I was still that crying little five year old curled up under the covers the night of her fathers funeral. I’d only grown and ran out of tears.

“Kellie, where do you go?” Harry suddenly asked, shaking me out of my thoughts of how hard it’d rained as my father’s body had been lowered 6 feet underground.

“Hm?” I hummed, looking over at him.

His green eyes skimmed over my entire face as he seemed to think on whether he should ask again or not. If it was too risky, or only a mild danger.

“Where do you go when you zone out and leave me here?” He asked, taking a bite out of his taco.

I sighed and looked down at my plate, suddenly not hungry. I pushed the plate away and rested my head on the counter, looking towards Harry. “It depends.”

“On what?”

“Many things. How sad I am, what’s going on, how everyone around me is acting.” He nodded slightly.

“Where do you end up the most?” I bit my lip.

Don’t tell him, he’ll run. Then no one will show up.

Well, he wanted to know, right?

“At my funeral.” I stated. “I always wonder what it’d be like to die. Would it just be lights out, or would I start life all over again as me or someone else? Would I go to heaven or hell? Would I be a ghost? Who would show up? Would anyone cry? Would anyone care?” I shrugged. “Death has always been appealing to me I guess. Especially mine.”

There was a thick silence between us, and I risked a glance up at him, seeing that his beautiful emeralds were dark and sad, a slight sheen of tears to them.

“Of course people would be sad.” He stated firmly. “You’re amazing. and more people would show up then you’d know. Everyone would cry, and everyone would care.” I shrugged and picked at the black nail polish on my nails. “Why do you think like that? You shouldn’t, you’re something special, you’re going to excel in life-”

“Please stop talking.” The fear bubbled up inside me as my heart grew lighter.

“What? Why?”

“Because.” I replied bluntly. “I’m getting scared.”

“Of what? Me stating the truth?” I shook my head.

“You’re making me happy.”

“Then I’ll talk until I can’t breathe-”

“No!” I exclaimed. “I don’t know happy. I-I don’t like it!”

“How do you not like being happy?” Harry asked curiously.

I closed my eyes and gnawed on my lip for a brief moment. “Because all I’ve ever known is sadness. I don’t know happiness. I know sadness. Sadness and rain are my only friends, and you’re trying to get rid of my most reliable friend.”

As soon as I stopped talking, Harry had his arms wrapped tightly around me, head nuzzled into the crook of my neck.

“That’s horrible Kellie.” He whispered, squeezing me a little tighter. “It’s the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever heard.” I frowned and ducked my head into his shoulder.

Suddenly, tears began to fill my eyes, a single tear splashing on Harry’s shirt against my will. He quickly pulled back and gazed upon me with a sad look. “Why are you crying princess?”

I sniffled and wiped my eyes. “You’re making my heart feel all these different emotions for the first time in a long time. But you wouldn’t still like me when I’m at my lowest points of self pity and sadness.”

“Bullshit.” Harry stated. “I’d care about you no matter what you were feeling. Because you are special to me, something about you just intrigues me endlessly. Something about you draws me in. And that’s why I’ll always care about you. That’s why I want to make you happy.”

My bottom lip quivered and I rested my head on his shoulder as Harry wrapped me up in his ample arms once more, hushing my cries and humming to me.

He held me in the middle of the kitchen in nearly complete silence, no words being exchanged, for hours. The kitchen went from nicely lit by the afternoon sun, to pitch black from the early evening. And Harry didn’t complain about my mini breakdown once. And I couldn’t help but think maybe wherever my dad was now, that he had set mine and Harry’s paths to combine just so I could get out of the rut I had unknowingly entered. To help me escape the emotional coma I’d entered at some point in my life.

And I was going to cherish Harry until a bitch pried him from my cold dead hands.