Silent Cries H.S {AU}

Chapter 11

“Every night she lies awake blaming insomnia. But it’s her troubled thoughts that keep her restless. Wondering if she will ever find peace with her mind.”

                                                                                                  -N.H

I had been noticing that Kellie was always last to say goodnight and first to say good morning. I had been noticing how she always was yawning. I had been noticing the dark circles under her eyes. And it worried me to no end.

Kellie had quickly turned into my world, and had slowly let me in on hers. It was horrifying how broken she really was. She was so sad under her cynical, sarcastic, witty mask. It was heartbreaking. All I wanted to do was dig into the deep depths of her jade eyes and tug out a girl who was happy and didn’t believe in pushing people away. I wanted the Kellie, the one deep inside under lock and key, to escape, to see the light of day instead of the dark of night. I wanted her to reach out into the warmth of the summer sun, instead of the icy coldness of winter nights.

But I couldn’t tell if there really was a happy Kellie. I had seen bits and pieces of a truly 100% happy Kellie Zavadil, but she’d always disappear before I could really enjoy the moment of uncontrollable giggles, or deep blushing, or bright smiles from chocolate smeared across her skin.

Seeing as my mum would be out of town over the weekend, I asked Kellie to come stay over, to which she agreed saying, and I quote: “I can’t handle breathing the same air as step ugly and wicked bitch.”

Her deep hatred for most things on earth also worried me. But one thing at a time, I suppose.

Kellie had been over for a while, and more quiet than usual. It was odd, because she hadn’t said one sarcastic thing yet. In fact, we hadn’t even gone through our banter session yet. It was really getting me worried.

And she was constantly yawning and struggling to keep her eyes open. “How long did you sleep last night?” She slowly turned to look at me, her attention probably never having been on the christmas movie on the TV.

“I didn’t.” She replied in a careless tone.

“Why not?” I asked curiously.

Kellie shrugged. “Sleeping isn’t exactly one of my top priorities.”

“It should be, you need sleep to stay healthy and strong.” kellie rolled her eyes.

“I don’t want to be healthy and strong if I have to sleep. Sleeping is gods way of fucking with us. We either have nightmares of terrible creatures of probably true situations, or we dream of things so out of our reach that we wake up and wish to go back to sleep. because dreams are better than reality. no matter what, dreams are always better, so why not live in the real world, where you know everything is fucked up. Instead of spending half your life scared out of your wits, or let down.”

I gaped at her, wondering where in the hell that had suddenly come from, but she turned away, and began to pick at her nails. Something she did when she left, went on her little journey’s.

“Kellie,” She turned back to me. “When was the last time you slept?” She shrugged.

“I took a nap yesterday. It was about ten minutes. It’s too fast for the dreams to really begin.” I shook my head.

“You need to sleep.” Kellie rolled her eyes.

“I’d rather not. I’m used to functioning like this. Besides, gives me a higher IQ.” She winked with a smirk.

I sighed and shook my head. “You need sleep to live.”

“And I got some yesterday, get off my case!” She snapped.

I frowned at the broken angel glaring at the TV, trying to figure out how in the hell I was supposed to fix her without cutting myself on her shattered pieces. I needed to put her back together, because someone as fantastic as her didn’t deserve to be this sad all the time.

Kellie crossed her arms and leaned back into my couch, and as the night carried on, she slowly migrated towards me, until cuddled into my side, still exhausted, obviously. But she began fighting off her yawns, as if trying to prove a point to me.

That night when I fell asleep, I know she didn’t because it was a light sleep, where you’re almost still awake. You can hear and sense everything. And all I felt around me was Kellie constantly getting up and pacing, then sitting back down just to get up and go from the kitchen archway to the bay window at least thirty times. It was a neverending cycle that night.

I woke up the next morning to my princess sitting in the window, having chosen to sit there at around 5, when the sun rises.

“Good morning.” She stated. “How were those asshole dreams?”

“I didn’t have any.” I replied. “I don’t dream.” She nodded.

“Lucky. I had nightmares all night.” I frowned.

“But you didn’t sleep?” She nodded.

“Doesn’t mean that I still don’t have nightmares.” Kellie muttered. “Life is everyone’s worse nightmare. One you can fear or love like some sick fucker. You can scream or cry all you want, but you don’t have it once a night, it’s everyday for your whole life.” I frowned. “And there is no escape. And no happy ending. Just the end.”

“You’re a real pessimist.” Kellie shrugged and looked away from the window and over to me. The bags under her eyes were such a deep purple that they looked painful.

“I’m too much of a realist to be optimistic.”

You should try being optimistic. Instead of seeing it as were all a day closer to dying.” Kellie smirked a little. “You see it as another day to explore the world and all life has to offer.”

“Too much work.” I sighed and shook my head, standing and walking over to her, my arms sliding around her waist as my head sat on her shoulder.

“I could say the same about you.”

“As could I.” Kellie stated. “But I won’t, cause I do enjoy this challenge.”

“I do too. You’re a real pain in the ass… But you’re my pain in the ass.”

“How romantic.” Kellie rolled her eyes.