Silent Cries H.S {AU}

Chapter 17

“I look in the mirror and I see many things. Many things. but not my own self. I don’t know who I am anymore and maybe I never will. Maybe I’m too far gone and passed the point of return.”

                                            -J.A.W

I embraced Kellie a lot over the next few days, always wondering if she’d always been that thin. If I’d always thought I might snap her if a tad too much pressure was applied. I found myself figuring out that, no, I hadn’t. Before I would swing her around and lay on her and squeeze her tight, but now I was terrified of squeezing her hand too tight, fearing I may snap a delicate glass bone in her.

I also began to notice that the bags under her eyes were worse than they ever had been, and she was wearing more long sleeves than before. I didn’t want to say anything, in fear she would shut me out and move along without me, but I was terrified for her safety, wondering if she was in desperate need of someone or something to reach into whatever had her in it’s evil clutches, and drag her back to safety, drag her back into the warmth of my arms.

But those worried thoughts were momentarily pushed aside as I climbed out of my car and walked up the sidewalk to her house, knocking and standing there for a moment before it swung open to reveal my darling Kellie dressed head to toe in her usual black. I smiled and wrapped my arms loosely around her, planting a kiss onto the soft skin of her cheek. “Hello beautiful.”

She smiled up at me and accepted a gentle peck. “Hello.” I chuckled and stepped inside, kicking off my shoes before following her up the stairs, right passed her family and to her room. It was amazing to actually see them home for once, since they always left Kellie behind as they went to do something fun or to see someone in the family. I found it odd, but then again, her family didn’t seem to care about whatever was happening with Kellie.

I was angered at their lack of attention for her, but it meant that I got to spend more time with her and double my affections, so I took it.

“I was hoping they wouldn’t fucking be here, but of course, step-ugly got sick and doesn’t want to go anywhere.” Kellie hissed, eyes narrowing on her door as a deep frown pulled at her pink lips.

“Hey,” I tilted her face towards me, smiling at her softly. “It’s okay.” I kissed her gently and ran my thumb across her cheek.

Kellie sighed and collapsed into my chest, tucking her head under my chin. “I guess. I just hate them so much. And my mom has a thing for you, and she’s such a slut that she’d try and go for you even though she’s like forty years older.” I chuckled.

“I don’t think she’s that much older, darling.” Kellie shrugged.

“About that.” I smiled and kissed the top of her head, wrapping her tighter in my arms.

“You don’t have to worry babe.” I whispered. “I’m in love with you, remember? There’s nothing in the world that could make me give you up.” Kellie looked up into my eyes and let out a sigh of relief.

“Good. I don’t want you to give me up.”

...Kellie’s POV…

Harry slipped off into sleep not long after arriving, but I couldn’t. What was sleep? I couldn’t tell you since it’d been so long since I last experienced it. And as my beautiful kind hearted boyfriend slept, I was left alone with my thoughts, just as I had been before he arrived.

The darkness was stronger today, screaming my name from the bottom left drawer in my bathroom, under the make-up I never touched. It was the shit that my mom bought me, so pinks, purples, browns. Made me want to vomit.

Finally, after trying to stay put in Harry’s arms, I gave up and slipped out of his grasp, wandering into the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and pulled open the drawer, digging under everything before my blades were found. I bit my lip and looked at the door, hearing Harry’s love filled words, yet they were overpowered by hateful insults.

I sighed and looked down at my wrist, rolling up my sleeve before placing the blade against my skin. I dragged it across and the monsters in my head dulled with every drop of blood. I closed my eyes since the sight made me nauseous and continued to cut up my arm.

I heard shuffling in my bedroom, but brushed it off, knowing it was simply Harry readjusting in his slumber. I sighed in relief as the voices stopped.

“Baby?” The door creaked open, having been left open a bit, and I dropped my blade into the sink as Harry spun me around with a gentle grip. “Oh my god, Kellie!” he exclaimed, and I took a glanced down at my wrist, noticing that these cuts were deeper than usual, and were spurting more blood than usual.

Harry turned on the sink and shoved my split open wrist under the icy water, before digging around in all the cabinets. He stood back up with worry in his features and a first aid kit in his hand. “Let me see baby.” He murmured, lifting me onto the bathroom counter.

I avoided his gaze as he dabbed away the blood, pouring some rubbing alcohol on it, as much as I begged in my head for him not to. Then he bandaged me up, and we sat in silence, his thumb brushing over my bandaged cuts lightly.

“Look at me.” He whispered softly. After a moment, I mustered up the courage to lift my gaze to his, and my heart snapped at the tears welling in his beautiful eyes. “Why would you do this to yourself?” He whispered, fingers tracing over my old scars and newer ones. “Why would you mar your skin like this?”

I looked back at the floor and bit my lip. “You don’t understand what it’s like Harry.” I breathed, looking back up into his eyes. “It’s so hard, to walk down the street and know everyone is judging you. To have your own family despise you. To have nothing but death and sadness as your entire life. You don’t understand.”

“There’s more to it than that. Come on, get it all out.” He firmly spoke, eyes hardening. “Is this life not good enough? I’m trying to make you happy, isn’t that good enough?”

“I never said that!” I exclaimed, turning away. “You just don’t get it. You feel things. When you aren’t around, all I hear are the little fucked up monsters in my head, and how I should kill myself! You and my little brother are the only people keeping me from ending it, but even that’s hard because you just don’t know what it’s like to be stuck here!”

A single tear rolled down my cheek, and Harry dipped his head and kissed it away.

“Let me help you.” I sniffled and leaned into his chest, his arms wrapping around me. “It has been killing me to see you lose so much weight, get so pale. And you always look so tired. I was in denial for a while, but… But I don’t want you to be like this Kellie.” Harry’s voice cracked and I felt my heart do the same. “I want you to be happy and healthy and not hurt yourself, but you keep me so shut out and I can’t do anything but watch while you waste away.”

His right hand fisted my shirt, the other sliding into my hand and holding me close. “Just… Just keep loving me Harry.” I murmured, gazing up at him. “Stay with me, and… And I’ll try to get better.”

He sniffled and kissed my forehead. “That’s all I want.”