Nightmares (HP) (Drarry)

fifthteen: love, life & death

Harry would deny it if asked, but he didn't love his father. Nor his mother. He knows they loved him, but love is not a contract. It does not inforce obligation. You do not have to love anyone back.

And so he doesn't.

James and Lily died for him. Laid down their lives for his. But Harry can't help but wonder-- he allows himself this one selfish whim-- if it was worth it. He's not suicidal, not certian is he's depressed, but he knows his life isn't great. To him, it's not worth living most of the time.

His parents died for him. They subsequently ended a war. But they abandoned him. And so Harry feels no need to love them.

Mr. Weasly was the first father type figure he'd ever had. They weren't close-- not like he and Sirius-- but they were something. There was love there, he'd like to think.

(Was.)

Arthur Weasly was found dead that evening. Bit and killed by a giant snake in the Department of Ministries.

Harry feels awful. It feels like he's, too, lost a father. (He might as well have.)

The Weasly's are a mess-- rightfully so-- and there's talk of pulling them out of school and going remote for a bit. Harry listens to the red headed family talk, his arm around a grieving Ron. Ron and Ginny are going home-- "We want to be as close to family as we can"-- but Fred and George want to stay a bit longer.

(Harry suspects that they've got something big planned.)

Harry's surprised when Molly asks he and Hermione if they, too, would like to stay at Grimmuald Place. (They consider, he realizes, them family, too.)

Hermione denies the offer. She wasn't as close to the Weasly family as Harry... probably because she had a family already. And her way of coping is to busy herself, which is easier to do at Hogwarts.

Harry's tempted to agree. To spend time with the only people he considers a family. To get away from the Blood Quill. He opens his mouth to take it--

And then a hand settles on his shoulder. It feels oppressive. His words die in his throat as he turns to face Albus Dumbledore.

You have responsibilities here, the eyes that refuse to meet his are saying. As much as he hates it, it's true.

Harry declines.

Soon enough, it is time for them to leave. Harry and Hermione start to walk Ron and Ginny back to the common room to rather their things, with Fred and George going another direction, probably to cause chaos (their method of choice to cope), but Albus Dumbledore, again, puts a hand on his shoulder.

"I've gotta talk with Dumbledore real quick," he said. "I love you guys. I'm sorry." He gives the Wealsy's a quick hug each and sends them off.

He and Albus are then left standing in an empty corridor. They have no desk to sit at, as Albus's office is occupied by the Wealsy's... and Harry has a vague idea that it's meant to be a private conversation.

"Harry," he breathes, sighing wearily. "Harry, are you on Voldemort's side?"