Danny Hacker.

Chapter 10: Dysphormia.

Walker's P.O.V:

I stood in my bathroom staring at myself in the mirror. I ripped the wig from my head, leaving the skin broken and torn. Blood trickled from my hairline and down my face. I rinsed it off and reapplied my wig with superglue over my wound. I never really felt physical pain like other people did. Now emotional pain, was something I felt strongly. But only when I am alone.
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Ben's P.O.V:

When I got home that night, my mom was asleep on the couch with the tv on. I clicked it off and pulled a blanket over her shoulders. She looked peaceful whenever she slept but when she was awake she wore worried lines and tired droopy eyes. I was glad she was getting more sleep tonight, she definitely needed it.
I sat down on my desk and rested my chin on my palm. 'Walker was definitely wearing a wig.. has she been wearing it this whole time or— no she couldn't have had it on this whole time I've seen her roots..' I thought to myself. I didn't understand why she would wear one and lie about it. Well I guess she didn't really lie.. she just didn't mention it. I decided that it was probably because she was sick of always covering her brunette roots. I didn't judge.
When I got to school the next day, Walker didn't show. 15 minutes into enrichment Shawn Bradley leaned forward it his desk and tossed a crumpled up paper at me. I turned and met his eyes. "I need to tell you something Ben. It's about Walker." He said with a semi-concerned look.
"What is it?" I said thinking he was probably going to make fun of her or something just to make me mad. "Well.. I saw her this morning. I passed her on the sidewalk and she wasn't riding her bike like usual. I asked her where she was heading, and that school was in the other direction, but she said 'I'm just not feeling up to school today.' And she walked away." He said looking like a confused puppy.
"Okay?.. maybe she just needed to take a day off what's the matter with that?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at him. "Well.. nothing is wrong with that.. it's how she looked.. she looked so tired and worn out. The first like week of school she looked great, but then I, and a few other people, started noticing her looks getting worse and worse. And remember when she took all of that time off school a while back?" He asked staring down had his desk. "Yeah?" I said remember back to when she said she had a bug and missed a bunch of school. "Well.. do you think she might be sick? Like.. really, really sick?" He asked, and for the first time I saw genuine concern in Shawn Bradley's face. He rarely cared about anyone else but ever since she started treating him so nicely, he's begun to care for her. At least a little bit. "I don't know.." I said staring off into space, deep in thought. 'Was she sick?' I mean I never really noticed much. I knew she looked a bit worn out at times but everyone does. "Plus she's so skinny.. I've never seen a person so small in my life." Shawn said with wide eyes. "She's not that skinny. You're being dramatic." I said rolling my eyes at him. "How do you not see how she looks man? She looks ghastly. She looks like a walking corpse Ben." He said shaking my collar, still very concerned. Why was he so worked up. Walker was fine and she looked beautiful. Every time I thought about her the word angelic always seemed to come to mind. Sure, as I said before, she could look a bit worn out but never ghastly or dead. And yeah, she's a skinny girl but I would never compare her to "a walking corpse" as Shawn had said. At least I never saw her that way.
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Since I was a kid I've struggled with BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder). I've never actually known what I look like. Sure if you asked me what I look like I could tell you that I have dark brown hair. I could say that I have hazel eyes. And I could tell you that I have freckles. All of that is true I had all of those features but if you asked me to completely describe myself in detail I would shake my head and walk away. I've heard people describe me as dead looking too, but it was only because I'm pale and have brutal dark circles. Those were things I could notice about myself but my face and body were just blobs to me, even when I look in the mirror. But it wasn't just how I saw myself it was also other people. If I were actually staring at a person I could describe them to you almost perfectly. But it was only what I could see. For example, Shawn Bradley, I saw him as a big black and grey letterman's jacket when I wasn't around him. But when I am with him I see that he is tan and had a large muscular build. He has deep chocolate eyes, and hair to match them. But my doctors tell me that I describe people differently than they appear to everyone else. I described the colors of their eyes or hair or skin perfectly and never had issues with that. But when it came to shapes or sizes or things on the skin like wrinkles or bags, or when bones would show through, I couldn't see it correctly. And if i did see those things it was either better or worse than how they really were. It used to bother me but I'm used to it now. I know when to take someone's word for how I, or another person looked, and when not to. Usually when bullies said anything about appearances I didn't listen, but something about the way Shawn was looking at me made me want to.