Pink Walls

Day Four [Part VI]

"I had a bad fall."

By the time the pain in my shoulder had been replaced with something more euphoric, Daniel and I were about half a mile away from the store, hand in hand like it was the most natural thing to do. I enjoyed the warmth that seeped through his skin to mine because for the first time in years I was bothered by the cold. I felt the snow melt in my hair, felt the trickle down my neck, felt my finger, nose and ears go numb.

I hated it.

It had been a while since I've had to associate white and cold with danger but these couple of days had hammered the facts down to my subconscious.

Nowhere was safe. No when was safe. At any point in time somebody could be in the mood to ruin me and I had to be ready for it.

It was my childhood all over again. I only had to close my eyes and I was back in that house that I once confused for a home, on a food-lined table, with my cousins sitting beside me and my uncles sitting beside them and my sisters sitting opposite me flashing conspirational smiles that promised me a cut of the mischief.

What had we even been celebrating?

Christmas?

I shook my head and the thought rolled right out of my brain. We weren't that religious.

"We look like a couple."

My childhood dissolved and I was back in the snow, freezing. I watched our reflection in the window of a flower shop that had just opened and realized that he was right.

"We look good together," he added, his voice light but purposeful. On one hand, he was joking. On the other, he was serious, leaving it up to me to interpret his intentions and continue off from there.

Intentions. I almost scoffed at the word. What sort of person went out with their employer? I wasn't that sort of person so I never thought about it. Maybe there was too much death, too much Ron-and-Alex, around for me to ever think that way. I didn't think I would ever allow myself to drag someone else into this sort of life.

"What are you going to be doing when I'm back in Italy?"

His usual 'optimistic small talk', but this time it was more. When he got to Italy he wouldn't be my employer anymore. He also would be more influential than Ron could ever hope to be, a king in own right—and so deep into the underworld that being hunted down like this would no longer faze him. His question was bait, yet that wasn't all it was.

It felt too much like an invasion of privacy, too much like he had known what I was thinking before I even thought it.

I heard his voice in my head, his previous warning: You should have read my file.

How would I have treated him right now if I knew everything he was capable of? How much would it change things? Would I even want to protect him?

I tried to put the thought out of my mind but I just couldn't. Rather than saying the wrong thing only to regret it later, I turned my gaze to the streets.

Danny got the idea and stopped asking questions. I could tell he was upset but ignoring him was much better than leading him on. This was the last day. I didn't need him thinking that because we could have a future together he needed sacrificing himself for it, when in reality I didn't matter even the tiniest bit in his world.

As we walked I latched on to the conversations of those on the street around us, filtering their voices for the slightest hint of intent. If there was someone out there waiting for an opportunity to catch us off guard, I'd use it to my advantage before they could realize what hit them.