STRENGTH IN OUR SCARS

Prologue

Prologue

10 years ago

It's late I know that today I'm gonna get the beating of my life. Worst case scenario I will be sleeping outside. I pray that I will find my mother passed out or not home.

I stayed late because I've been preparing for my exams so at school the teacher asked us to stay behind just so that she can help us revise but my mother will never understand that hence it is why I say that I'm gonna get beaten. I should be used to this life now but I'm not. I'm really not used to this and I do not think I can.

I have even pushed my friends away because I do not want them to see the abuse I go through everyday of my life . If it's not verbal then its physical . Everyone knows me as this bubbly person that's always laughing and basically loud but I'm not like that. I guess I just want people to love me , to say atleast she makes us laugh so by that they will always want to stand or stay by my side when it's break time .

I got home and its past 4 already the school comes out at 2:15pm the teacher had us from half past 2 till 4h00 . By now I should have prepared food and cleaned a little bit.
I opened the gate and made sure that I locked it securely because my mother has a little garden here at home so a little mistake of forgetting to close the gate properly then the cows will do as they please .

I knocked once on the door and opened. I do not know why I just knocked I guess it's just a habit I have.
" where have you been because school came out hours ago?"
My mother asked me as soon as i closed the door.
She is sitting at the kitchen drinking tea.
" Miss Mazibuko asked us to stay behind and revise because we are writing a test tomorrow " I answered her and she just said " mmmh" then I went to the bedroom
Wheeeew that went better than I expected
I picked out clothes that I was going to wear and then I undressed . Just when I was only left with the school trouser my mother entered the room carrying a kettle full of hot water
" Ngitshele kahle wena nondindwa wengane ukuthi usukuphi ngoba ingane kamaMkhonza kade ibuyile eskoleni" ( " tell me exactly where have you been you hoe child because maMkhonza's child has been back from school ages ago") my mother asked me coming straight at me. maMkhonza's child is Siwe- Samkelisiwe, she is the golden child. Everyone at this community wishes that their childrens were like her. But there can only be one Samkelisiwe and even if we tried to be like her we wouldnt because she is genuinely just a nice person but I sometimes think that she enjoys the attention she gets of a golden child cause she is also a teacher's pet. But I don't know why my mother would ask me this because I'm not even at the same class as Samkelisiwe, she is at grade twelve B while I'm on 12 A . We aren't even doing the same streams.
" We are not in the same class. We stayed behind because we had to revise mama besengishilo" I answered her slightly rising my voice because she is always comparing me to other childrens.
" ukhuluma nami kanjalo? " (you are talking to me like that?) She said then she literally threw the kettle full of hot water at me. Luckily I tried to shield my face as much as possible with my arms and hands . I screamed when I felt the effect of my burning body. The water touched mostly my hands, arms and stomach to thighs.
The hurt I felt there was like no other one and I just wanted to hurt her too. Hurt her just like she has hurt me. I have never hated someone just like I hate her right now. If she did not believe me why didnt she call miss Mazibuko? Why didnt she ask my other classmates.

She did not even show remorse after what she did, she just left the room as if nothing happened. I did not know what to do even my brain left my mind for a minute or so . I took out my phone from my school bag and quickly called the ambulance even though I know that it will get here after two hours . I took off my trouser and I could already see my skin peeling off and in some other places benginamapamuza agcwele amanzi .

The ambulance arrived and got inside the yard carrying a stretcher, mother refused for them to get inside her house I could hear her telling them to leave and I quickly got up and went outside wearing a gown even though it was not easy then the paramedics saw me and quickly tended to me.
All I know is that I'm gonna fail my matric I do not even know how much I'm going to stay at the hospital and at this moment I do not know if I'm comfortable with coming out of the hospital.

10 years later :