STRENGTH IN OUR SCARS

Chapter 5

STRENGTH IN OUR SCARS ©️
CHAPTER 5

I was so deep in my sleep when i heard a knock on my door , i woke up really angry because someone who can not sleep has just woken me up and disturbed my sleep, people with insomania.
I did not even wear my gown because I'm just fed up so i just went to open the door wearing my short pyjamas as it is very hot . I switched on the light and opened the door but left the guard closed. And you guys will never believe who it is, Ndabenhle , wtf does he want at this time of the night?
"Ndabenhle?" I said really shocked
" Please open the door " for the why , i also do not know.
" Hhayi ngeke, ufunani? Its 11pm at night yin'ndaba ungalele kwakho? " i asked him and folded my arms , he looked at where my arms are then i also looked at my self and thats when i fully registered that I'm not wearing my gown and my scars are all out. It wasnt even about the fact that my breast were all out .
" Please open the the gate, we can not talk while there is a steel separating us" aarg he is right if i do not open the door then i will be the talk of the whole neighborhood tomorrow, i let him in.
" Get in and tell me what you want" i said as i closed the door . I went to my bedroom to retreive my gown then i wore it there and then.
I found him opening my juice and pouring it into two glasses, the nerve.
"Uwedwa?" Ofcourse I'm alone, who else would i be with its the middle of the night.
" As you can see" i said rolling my eyes .
He sighed " i was so worried when i called and you were not answering. I thought that something bad has happened to you" the drama that Ndabenhle has , ai.
" Was that all?. I want to sleep i have work tomorrow " i said yawning
" I know that i have not made my intentions clear due to us just recently knowing each other , but i just...
I love you , yes i do , ungangibheki kanjalo Nonkosi ngyakuthanda mntanomuntu . Do not panic i wont rush you to answering me i just want you to know my intentions about you." Im really shocked, well obviously i kinda had a little idea that he likes me just not love and i did not expect him to confess so soon.
" Couldn't this wait until tomorrow?"
" I must confess that i thought that you were with someone" he said brushing his beard , a nervous trait i see.
" If i was with someone what were you going to do? " i asked and drank the juice that I've long forgotten about
" I.. i dont know, can i call you tomorrow?, i can see that you are sleepy " and really i am cause even when he told me about his feelings i just did not take him serious. Maybe , just maybe i should let him stay.

" come let's go to my bedroom , you are going to wait until i fall asleep and i also want to know more about those feelings of yours" I led him to my bedroom and i told him to sit anywhere he wanted , then i sat on top of the bed.

" I want to be in a relationship with you . I want us to know each other better , i can also see that if we can pursue something we can be great together" i laughed
" Do not continue cause you might just start selling me lies . Is it sex that you want? Look at me " i said taking off my gown and went to stand infront of him , i showed him the burn marks
" Is this what you want to see so that you can take pictures of me and start calling me names" he looked at me shocked at my outbust with his eyes all popped out .
" WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" He asked genuinely confused . It was really confusing to him to see her like that, one minute she was laughing like a maniac and the next she was shouting.
But as for taking pictures and making fun of her scars ? Ai that was beyond him . He wishrd he could find that f*cker that did all those nasty things to her .
He went closer to her so that he could confort her cause her eyes started to leak with tears .
" Tell me the name of the person that broke you like this so i can re arrange his bones.. But do not worry I'm going to help you go through this as a friend or a lover either way i will be here for you. I love you and its not even about sex if you think it is then we can abstain i do not have a problem with that , just give me yhe chabce to prove to you that im not like that arsehole who broke your heart " Her crying was just heartbreaking and he just wanted to take all her pain away cause she is clearly not okay its like she is revisiting the time where her hurt took place. He just can not stand seeing her crying because he is also an emotional person when he sees someone crying he also cries to hell with the person who came with a phrase " men don't cry" they are not made out of steel. She finally calmed down after receiving Ndabenhle's warm hugs and forehead kisses in between
*

I felt really awkward crying to him like that i hope that he will not ask anything about those scars or about anything else that i said to him. Im such a mess.
I thought about that day like it was yesterday, i think him talking about his feelings just evoked the burried feeling of hate that i had over men in general ..
[THROWBACK]
*NARRATED*

SHORTLY after i got burned the treatment at school got worse by my fellow leaners, everyone knew about it so it was all they talked about for a whole week, months to follow things were never the same again even the ones that were my friends before i pushed them away joined in at the fun of making my life miserable. They called me all sort of names. Burned meat. Biltong. Ashes. Coal. Every bad thing you can think of and i just couldn't take it anymore.
I also thought of ending it all and take my life , commit suicide but i just couldn't do it. I was just too scared and i did not want to give them the satisfaction to see that they have broke me.

Then this other time i met someone, i already knew him he was in a same grade with me but different classes and we just clicked , well atleast i thought that we did. We dated for a few weeks then this other time he persuaded me to go out with him for a few drinks just after we finished writing our finals i obviously declined but he told me that He will ask Siwe to speak to my mother because my mother trusts Siwe with her life- even today i do not wish to meet Siwe ever again . I should have been more careful i should have not agreed to go even when my mother allowed me to but i was just stupid because honestly since i started dating him the bullying stopped because he had my back.

We drank that night and everything was going well. Everyone was treating me like their equal everything was forgotten and forgiven just like how my mother pretended as if nothing happened after she burned me. I was even thankful to God that he is at my side again after everything i have went through he has remembered me, He did not desert me at all. But how wrong i was !!!!

I kind of got drunk and the boyfriend offered to take me home because i was apparently very loud and i agreed . We got to his house and we started kissing and when he started taking my clothes off i came back to my senses and gently pushed him off me . Hell im not anywhere ready to loosing my virginity or for him to see my scars , im very insecure about my body. He started being aggressive , maybe he just thought that i was playing hard to get
" Stop resisting its not like you are not a virgin" he said this kissing my neck and it was like an ice cold bucket of water was thrown at me , the shivers that went through my body and not the good kind. He kept on saying things like " you have been seducing me all night and now that i accept your advances you refuse me?" " its not like any other guy can sleep with you except for me" i fought really hard not to cry and he finally let me go . When i thought of what he almost did to me i vomited all over his carpet he went out and came back with a dish and a jug of water . I continued vomiting he gave me the pills and i drank them quickly due to my stupidity . I do not know when i fell asleep i did not hear him taking off my clothes and taking pictures of me.
All i know is that i woke up with my pictures all over the school group, posted using my account , i had a lot of messages from my teachers telling me how disappointed they were of me. A lot of people calling me all sort of names saying i want attention. Not one person noticed that i was sleeping when some body took those pictures of me. I did not even read the comments under the puctures because i knew that this time i will finally kill my self. I deleted the post and logged out of Facebook, for good.