Travis
She's staying the night with me.
"Did you know I still love you?" I ask her.
She nods. "I figured."
"Okay. Hey about baby?" I trail off. "You know I probably won't die any time soon."
"Really?"
She inhales a shuddering a breath. She's been crying for a while. I shouldn't have told her.
"You know," she sobs, "You know it's not really guaranteed. So, so you shouldn't be scared."
I smile. "I'm not."
"I am," she sniffled.
"I can tell. I'm honored really." I grin, elbowing her. "Since it means you care."
She looks at me, her nose touching mine. "Of course I do. Who would I care about if not you?"
Look at her. She's gorgeous. I love her. I love her more than I loved her before. I hate that. She's just here, and supportive and she hasn't drink—
"Hey, you're sober aren't you?" I ask her.
She nods with a frown. "Yeah why?"
I move closer, kissing her gently. "You're sober," I whisper. "So...I don't have any moral issues."
She chuckles. "You and morals."
"Curse me and my aversion to date rape," I smile.
She paused. Did that—was that?
"Are you okay?" I ask.
"Don't ask me that. It's your day. No asking me if I'm okay."
I smile. Right. Right. I wonder if I can talk to her. Really talk to her. Emotionally unavailable, Miss.
"Miss..." I start, "I about you and me. I was thinking we could make it official."
"Make what official?"
This is going well. "Us. Make us official. Let's be together. You know we already are. Just avoiding the words."
She sighs. "Sure. What are we, girlfriend and boyfriend?"
"I was thinking more along the lines of...husband and wife."
She sits up. "I'm sorry?"
"I...wanna marry you. I mean of course you can say no I won't be mad or hurt I know how crazy, hell stupid this sounds. Um...but I guess I'm asking because I loved you a couple days ago. And somehow, I love you more now. I keep loving you more and more. And I think...that's what marriage should mean."
I swallow. She's gonna say no and I know that and that's okay. But...I guess I just wanted to ask. Nothing beats a failure but a—
"You know what? Yes. Hell yes."
Try?
I sit up. "Stop lying. You don't have to say yes because my sister died."
She frowns at me and I look away because I think I hurt her feelings. But I meant it. So...
She throws a pillow at me, and then lays back down. So I lay down beside her. She uses coconut shampoo, and I'm allergic to coconut but...I like the smell.
"You know I'm still a drunk," she admits, "I just haven't really decided about the kid. I didn't wanna get your hopes up, because I'm honestly still leaning towards no."
I nod. "It's understandable. And yeah, I know."
"It'll be even more socially acceptable if I keep it. I'd be a wine mom. God, doesn't that sound weird?"
I smile. "Yeah, but I could kinda see it."
She'd be awkward I think. Little kid comes up to her, and says something weird and I can see her just chugging some wine and going, that's great kid. Real great.
Or it could turn out bad. Maybe I ask her to quit and she can't. Maybe we fight about it. Maybe we fight in front of the kid. Maybe that kid grows up and can't get in a debate because it reminds of mom and dad screaming in the kitchen.
Anything could happen. But I want it to happen with her, if it's gotta. If I have a choice. I wanna do it with her.
"I'll marry you," she whispered. "Not because your sister died, which...sucks and I'm sure is why you even said it. I'll marry you because you're my best friend. And I never had a best friend but I'm Bi so if I had a girl best friend and she proposed maybe I'd marry her too."
I smile. Maybe she would. I reach across the bed and hold her hand.
"They say if you marry your best friend you'll always be happy," I grin. "And we'll even have best friend rings. But wedding rings. Plus aren't you glad I'm so hot—"
She elbows me. "Wouldn't marry you if you weren't. Good with your tongue too, you kinky fuck."
I chuckle and so does she and we lay there for a while. Because we can that too. We sit in silence. But it's not cold. It's...warm. Inviting. It's a safe silence.
I love her. I love being with her. When she's beside me the world is a little bleak even when my sister, my mother, has died.
So...I think I'm done waiting.
This was the worst case scenario. The one moment I've been dreading my whole life. The one person I couldn't lose.
It was the worse case scenario.
But Jasmine made the worse just a little better.
That's all I need. I think. For the rest of my life.
