SHATTERED

12| ᴡʜᴇɴ ɪᴛ ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʀᴇꜱᴇɴᴛ

I didn't know what I was doing with my life ever since I was eleven.

I had no future written for me. It was all up to me, all the choices, the growing up, my learning, everything.

The fact that I had the audacity to fall in love for a second time, even after what happened, it was all up to me.

I never once imagined that it would be so difficult to give up on love. I tried so hard, to forget, to live normally, but no.

Whatever god was up there, he made sure I suffered and that it brought me to this point in life. To the point where I was so broken that I became unstoppable. To the point where I was so shattered that I cried more than I ever had in my life. To the point where I was so lonely that I agreed to join an organisation that I promised my father I would never.

It came to the point where I was so done with life that I hurt myself, physically.

***

I held the blade in my hands. 

The special blade made especially for me by my father.

The most dangerous dagger in the world.

I slowly sliced my left wrist, watching the blood ooze out of my wrist. 

I watched as my wooden dorm floor became red with thick blood.

Slicing my wrist was easy, no pain was felt. I gotten hurt and cut so much that I hardly felt it anymore. 

As I was about to slice my right wrist, I herd my door open. 

I didn't turn, I slowly made the blade touch my skin, piercing it to the point it was deep enough to cut a vein.

Kai's cold hand grabbed my wrist and his other hand took the knife away from me. 

"Stop. This is not the way to make your choices." His voiced cracked out.

"If you haven't realised, there are people here who care about you. Not everyone is gone Lya!" He yelled.

I flinched at his loud voice. I didn't like his yells. It didn't suit him.

"Oh yea? Who exactly is there?! Huh? My mother has her own little family, my father is dead, the love of my life died in my arms! Tell me Kai, who exactly is there that would give two shits about me?" I cried. My voiced cracked and I began breathing abnormally. 

I couldn't stop the crying. It was too much for me.

I fell into his arms and cried into his chest.

"Shhh, I'm here for you." He said into my hair. He ran his arm up and down my back, soothing me and calming me down. 

"I'm always going to be here. No matter what, because I love you. You think there's no one but there is me. I care about you and I will never leave you."

I pushed him away lightly to look into his eyes. 

"That's exactly what Logan said, now look where he is." I sobbed.

He grabbed my face and made me look up at him properly.

"That's not gonna be me. I'm here right now. God had other plans for Logan but I promise you, I won't leave and if I do, you'll always find someone else." 

His words made me smile after a long time. I hadn't smiled like that in ages.

"Now, let's go wash this blood up. It looks like you murdered someone." He said, making a disgusted face.

I scowled, pushing him away as he chuckled.

"I'll probably murder you." I croaked. I sounded horrible after all that crying.

We laughed it off and went to wash the mess. 

***

Here I am.

It has been about five years since I have joined the British Intelligence. 

Around seven years since Logan and my father died. 

Around six years since I last saw my mother and Joanna, and around a couple hours since I came back from a mission.

Here I am, at 31 years of age, an agent of the British Intelligence and married to Kaison Hawks.

Yes, I did marry him.

I ended up changing my name to Lyanna Hawks but my agent name is still Lya Dagger, and it always will be.

It's like they say, the future is not something you should make plans for, you should just make the plans as you go.

"Are you ready my love?" 

I turned to see Kai all dressed up in his fancy black tux suit, leaning against the door frame of our little apartment.

I smiled. "Could you just zip this up for me?" I said turning around.

He hummed with a sweet smile. I stood up as he came behind me and zipped my red flowy dress. My dress has a cut on it from the knees below on the right side and it's off-shoulder.

We were ready to go to a ball in which all the agents celebrate their success for catching a huge mafia organisation. It was the party of the year and we were the stars.

After zipping my dress up, Kai kissed my neck and tapped my shoulders. 

"Let's go Lya." 

He held my hand as we stood at the door way.

"Yeah, let's go my love."

The end.