What Goes Around Comes Around

Borrowing A Bathroom

Just as I finished brushing my teeth, I heard a knock on my hotel room door. I checked the time on my phone. It was 9:30. A bit late for visitors. I went to the door.

"Who is it?" I yelled.

"It's um-" I heard Spencer's voice on the other side of the door. "It's Spencer."

I opened the door. There stood Spencer, holding a towel and some clothes. He looked slightly uncomfortable.

"Can I um-" he said. "The hot water in my bathroom doesn't work."

I opened the door wider and gestured for him to come in. He gave me an awkward smile and shuffled inside.

"Thanks," Spencer told me. "It'll be a quick shower. I promise."

"Whatever," I called after him as he shut the bathroom door. "Take all the time you need."

It was weird having Spencer inside my hotel room. I mean, he just wanted a hot shower. I was being friendly. That's what friends do, right?

He had come with his pjs in tow. I noticed a pair of comfortable-looking sweatpants with little books on them at the top of the pile. I imagined what he looked like out of his normal attire, what he looked like when he was comfortable. I bet he looked amazing.

Oh, and he was showering now. Naked, in my bathroom. I couldn't wait to see him with his hair still damp. He was just...

Anyway.

I shook my head and tried to focus on something else. After a few minutes of going over the case file, I decided it was time I tried to sleep. Spencer was still showering, and I was sure he wouldn't be out for a few more minutes, so I decided it was safe to change into my pjs.

I pulled my shirt over my head and looked at myself in the mirror. It had been five years, but I still got excited every time I saw myself shirtless. I couldn't help but admire my flat chest, even with the scars.

I put on a different shirt and unbuttoned my jeans. They were halfway down my legs when suddenly the bathroom door opened. I jumped in surprise.

"Oh-uh-I" Spencer stuttered, looking away. "I didn't realize you were changing."

"It's totally fine," I said. "It's my fault. I didn't think you'd be out so soon."

I was panicked. My jeans were at my knees, and I had to complete the motion in one direction or the other. My hands decided not to cooperate with my brain, and I pulled them all the way down. My face turned a deep red.

(a/n this next bit mentions self-harm)

Flustered, I took them off completely and went to grab my sweats. At this point, I couldn't just pull them back up again.

"Wait," Spencer said, concerned. He was looking at my legs.

I looked down and felt my face get hotter.

"It's nothing," I told him. "Don't worry about it."

"Jordan," he sighed. "That's not nothing."

He took my hand and led me over to the bed to sit down. Even at this moment, I felt a spark of electricity go up my arm.

"How long have you been doing this?"

"Since I was fifteen," I said sheepishly.

"You've been cutting yourself for nearly fifteen years."

I nodded solemnly. A single tear rolled down my cheek.

"I haven't," I started. "I haven't in over a month."

I decided it was best to leave out the events from the morning. He didn't need to know about that. Spencer grabbed my hand again and looked pointedly at my wrapped finger.

"Paper cut?" I offered.

He let out another deep sigh. He looked me in my eyes, and I began to feel uncomfortable. I looked away.

Letting go of my hand, Spencer grabbed my shoulder gently.

"Look at me," he said.

So I did. His hazel eyes were clouded with worry. I suddenly felt guilty for making him feel this way. I tried to look away again, but he stopped me.

"If you ever feel this way again," Spencer started. "I want you to tell me. We're friends now, and friends take care of each other."

I didn't know what it was - maybe the fact that I had gotten caught, maybe the fact that someone had told me they cared about me - but I started crying. Downright bawling. I didn't remember the last time I'd cried this hard.

(a/n end of trigger warning)

I noticed Spencer think for a second, before awkwardly wrapping his arms around me to comfort me. He rocked me back and forth and whispered that everything would be okay. This went on for what felt like hours.

Once I was fully cried out, I pulled away. There were wet spots on Spencer's t-shirt from my tears. I started to apologize, but he cut me off.

"It's okay," he told me. "You needed to get that out. If that means my shirt gets a little wet, I don't mind."

We spent the next couple of hours talking about nothing and everything. I finally felt calm again, and he seemed to have forgotten about our previous conversation, which I was thankful for. I'd never felt so close to anyone in my life.

I began to yawn at about one in the morning, and Spencer started to stand up.

"We'd both better get to sleep," he said. "Like Hotch said, we need to be sharp."

I nodded and stood up to get something from my bag. Only then did I realize that I hadn't ever put my pants on. I blushed and looked at Spencer to ask him to pass them to me. To my surprise, he had a slight hint of pink on his cheeks too. He passed me my sweats, and I hurriedly put them on before grabbing what I was looking for.

"I have melatonin if you want some," I offered. "It helps me sleep."

"No thanks," Spencer said. "Taking melatonin can actually halt your body's natural production of melatonin, making it difficult to fall asleep without taking higher and higher doses. It's almost like you build a tolerance to it."

I let out a little laugh.

"Whatever you say, Dr. Reid."

He hesitated before pulling me into a hug.

"You're worth a lot more than you think, Jordan," he whispered into my ear before he pulled away. His breath felt hot.

He pulled away and slowly walked backward until he was at the door. Then he left.

I sat back down and let out a sigh. That had been a lot to take in. Spencer holding me? That felt so good. He smelled so good. And I was almost sure I had seen him blush. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking. He was straight. I knew about that thing he had with Lila and the even bigger thing he had with Maeve.

I shook my head and stood up. I popped a melatonin and went to the bathroom to pee one last time and change my tampon. That was when I noticed a disposable razor in the trash. Spencer had shaved in here, and he used my trashcan. He almost definitely saw that needle.

Shit.