mending your heart [dreamnotfound]

chapter five

tw: eating disorder behaviour, [this is not one of george's problems much in this book, but he is struggling with lack of appetite and his image, so this is resulting in some eating disorder behaviour for him.], self harm, panic attacks, drunken offensive slurs, physical violence/abuse and mentions of slight trauma. 

it had been almost a week since that night, george was so embarrassed with himself he just went off of the radar, turned his phone off for a few days, shut his pc completely down, stayed inside the house and shut all light out and hardly ate anything, maybe an apple here and there.

it was the 5th day he had been away from it all, and a whole week since him and cameron had actually broken up, needless to say the week hadn't gotten easier. 

if anything it was getting worse, everything he did reminded him of cameron, positively or negatively, whatever it was, it reminded him of cameron. 

george was sat their on the sofa with cat curled up next to him and oblivious to everything going on around her, there was coke cans littering the house, empty wine bottles filling the kitchen island, and he dread to think what his and cameron'rs old room looked like. 

george was using it to dump any parcels and letters in, he couldn't be bothered to do any of that shit, his day to day tasks had even became that difficult for him to complete. 

he hadn't showered.

he hadn't made his bed. 

he hadn't seen outside for days, the winter sun or moon and the bitter winter winds hadn't hit george for some time. 

it was safe to say, even if george was hitting rock bottom the first few days after the break up, the week following had seemed to hit him to rock bottom. 

he was worse than he was before. 

as george sat on the sofa drinking from a can of coke that night while petting cat's head, he stared blankly at the shitty reality show on tv, a shitty one, but one of cameron's favourites. 

cameron would make george sit there for hours with him watching the show. 

fuck sake it went again, he was vividly remembering things about him and cameron, and when an emotional scene began happening on the tv, this tipped george further than the edge. 

he began sobbing, chucking another empty can to the pile in the corner by his living room cabinet. 

"i fucking hate you... why was i not good enough for you!" george said to him self.

he hadn't felt good enough many times in his life, but when cameron walked in he felt good enough, but when cameron left and george found out he cheated, all of the old feelings from his teen years came back. 

he thought it would pass, he thought by the first week post-breakup he would be okay, not happy, but okay. 

but really he was anything but, george felt so alone, so numb and so shit, and george knew how to get rid of the feelings which were lingering in his mind, he had to do something to numb the mental pain, and if that was holding a blade again for the second time in a rough week, then so it be. 

he stood abruptly, attempting not to wake cat, even if she was just a cat, she was all george had left right now and heading to the bathroom, as he entered and shut the door.

the wind blew, unsettlingly not much to george's surprise, it had been stormy all january, today being the worst. 

he ignored it and felt the similar atmosphere he felt the day he pulled the blade from the draw for the first time since cameron left and without a hesitation this time, george knew what he needed to do in order to feel better, or well he thought he knew.