My Secret Diaries

Chapter 15

---Rains POV---

"Rain?" Luke asked walking in the bedroom door.

"Yeah?" I asked looking in the mirror in the bathroom. I haven't seen myself like this in a long time.

"So.." He leaned against the door of the bathroom.

"I'm a lot skinnier then I remember." I sighed and turned to the left, looking specifically at my scar.

"Are all of your tattoos.. you know, your trigger points?"

"I'm not sure. Some of them are. When someone would poke at the spot I'd get flashbacks. He's been arrested and in prison for five years but.. it's still fresh in my mind." I sighed and raised my arm above my head looking closer at the reminder I'd have for the rest of my life.

"So taking you for a couples massage is out of the question?" He smirked as he sat on the vanity.

"I'm glad you have a better sense of humor about it now." I put my hand back down at my side.

"Why have you lost so much weight?" He grabbed my hand and pulled me between his legs.

"I'm not sure. For the last six years for sure I haven't eaten much because it's just been.. I don't know? It was always just a hassle to cook or go out for food, even just to eat took too much effort. I guess I just lost interest." I sighed as I laid my head on his chest.

"You realize that needs to change right?" He wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm twenty-five. I'm perfectly capable of deciding whether or not my eating habit needs to change.. even if I know you're right."

"And I am two years older then you. I'm sure you noticed when you googled me." He chuckled.

"I never- okay maybe when you first joined Our Charm but I haven't googled you since I was like fifteen." I hid my blush in his chest.

"Least you're not one to lie. It's been a while since I've googled myself. I wonder what lies google is telling about me now, along with everyone else." I could hear his smile drop from his face.

"That's apart of fame. I know it's not what you or any other famous person signed up for but.. everyone has their own version of who you really are. Can't blame them for trying to turn you into their ideals." I pulled back and looked into his hurt eyes.

"I know. I just want to be able to go out and people treat me with kindness instead of fawning over me because I'm famous. I want to be treated as a person first. Like how you treat me."

"I'm sorry, you want people to yell at you for invading their personal space?" I stepped back and smirked.

"No, you know what I mean. You treat me like Luke, the idiot you have a crush on." He smirked pulling me back.

"I don't have a crush on you. That's passed." I rolled my eyes.

"Didn't you say you loved me though? Doesn't that include having a crush on your lover?"

"But we're not lovers. I do love you, don't misunderstand.. but what are we anyways?" I took a deep breath. I've always seen in movies how this was the conversation that was always dodged and avoided. Did Luke want to avoid this with me?

"Ah.. I guess you have a point. I'm not sure what we are. We're more then friends, but not really a couple? Do you have an idea what we are?"

"If I knew I wouldn't be asking. Neither of us asked the other out. We've never actually gone on a date. We've only shared one kiss but we sleep in the same bed. Even if it's just for however long you're staying." Then my heart dropped as I realized.. he wouldn't be staying forever. He'd leave again eventually and I'd be alone here again.