Finding Sophie

Chapter 6

I love my mum so much, she is the most amazingly intelligent, beautiful and selfless person I know. However, she can still annoy me at times. Especially times like these. She just doesn't know when to leave us alone. I wish I could tell her without offending her in any way because the last thing I want is for her to be hovering while we have what could be a very tense conversation. This is going to be something I regret, I can feel it deep down and we haven't even started speaking yet.

Finally, my mum decides to read the room and realises that she needs to leave. So she walks out telling us to call her if we need anything.

"So what do you want to do?" Will asks me.

"Well, I was hoping I could talk to you about something. I have been meaning to ask you for a while but just haven't quite found the right moment to." I nervously begin.

"Okay, you seem really weird what is it that's on your mind." He questions.

"I don't know why I am acting so weird, it's just a normal everyday question. I guess I am just afraid of what your answer might be or what my reaction to your answer might be." I reply hastily.

"Alright well, I guess there is only one way to find out what our reactions may be," Will says.

"Yes, I suppose. So I know for many years we didn't talk about the past and future for obvious reasons and I was glad you respected that. However, since we started our last few years at school I have constantly been talking about university and what I want my future to look like. This has therefore brought to my attention that I have no idea what you want. Anyway, what do you want to do in the future." I blurt out speedily.

"Well if you had focused a little less on yourself then maybe you would have realised that I don't know and need someone to talk to about it." He replies curtly.

His stare is boring straight into me, waiting for my reply. I have no idea what I am going to say. He is right I have been too self-centred to even notice. We have been friends for years and I have gone to him about everything and the one time he needed me I let him down, and badly. I have no idea how I'm going to make up for this or even what to reply with so instead of thinking of a reply I just say, "I'm sorry, you can talk to me now." I try and force a smile on him.

"That would be nice but I think we are a bit late for that, anyway I am tired now so I'm going home." He replies without an inch of emotion crossing over his face.

"Can we not talk about this now instead of you running off," I question hoping not to make him even more upset than he already is. "I was hoping I could make up for my mistake, I also understand if you just want to leave."

"I don't know what to do," he replies surprising me as I thought he was going to leave and not choose to talk to me. "I have absolutely nothing prepared compared to you and you aren't even certain what you're doing. I have properly messed up my life, I couldn't bring myself about to apply to any universities. Recently I've just been weighed down by all the pressures of the world while I have been watching you getting your life back together almost completely."

I am stood speechless, I never expected it to come to this. I always thought that the roles would be switched. How could I have missed this? I feel so bad as I have really just been ignoring all the signs that have been thrown in my face. This is an absolute mess that I have no idea how I can get myself out of. I shouldn't be thinking about myself again but guess what, I am because I'm so selfish. I need to stop and help Will, he is what is important here not the fact that I am selfish and ignorant.

"Okay, what do you want me to do. I can help you with your applications if that's what you need me to do. It won't be hard for you to get into any university as you are extremely smart. What universities would you want? In fact what course would you do?" I say earning a nervous look from Will. I can tell he has no idea what he wants to do, and I might be partly to blame for this. But I'm sure his parents should have been helping him. Although, he hasn't talked about them lately as parents again seem to be a topic we steer away from due to the fact it is a particularly touchy subject for both me and him.

"I'm not sure, I think I like the idea of engineering and it fits with my subjects. Maybe I need to go home, I am exhausted and this really isn't helping. I talk to you tomorrow." He says grabbing his bag off of the floor and walking to the door. "See you later Mrs Keaton." He calls to my mum who of course happened to be in the hallway, probably listening to every word said.

As soon as the car left the driveway my mum started to question me, acting like she hadn't heard every word of our conversation. "What made him leave so hastily?"

"Nothing mum, don't worry about it," I reply quite bluntly. I have had enough of talking to people today and can't wait to eat dinner and sleep. I don't think I've had anything to eat since the popcorn at the movies, we were going to have dinner together here but it seems that was rudely cut short. I grab some fruit and head up to my room. I am definitely not in the mind to be discussing my mistakes yet again with another person, especially my mother.