The Highlander's Charm

Thirteen

"Are you alright?" The way Baigh asked the question reminds me that he had been partially responsible for escorting me back to my room earlier and that he had seen firsthand just how exhausted I truly am...

But that still doesna mean that I'm comfortable having an actual conversation with the shifter, and it certainly doesna mean that I feel any desire to confide in him that my throat feels as though I've swallowed thistles with how poorly the wine in front of me satiates my thirst or that I'm tempted to lean myself backward until I find myself supported by the high backing of my chair so that I might resume getting the rest that had been so very interrupted not so long ago...

My desire to watch Flinn so that he might know he is supported from afar and that there is no need for him to continue fighting the urge to cry nearly overshadowed with how badly I feel as though I need to lay down...

I should have drunk more from the cattle when I had the chance, and I was a fool for not redirecting Baigh and Flinn back outside for another filling instead of letting myself be dragged back to bed... But there is little I can do about it now other than plan to feed myself after supper so that I might go to bed to rest once more without feeling as if I am merely just a shell of a vampire... My mouth no doubt going to try and imagine the taste of Flinn's essence instead of the actual taste that pours from the necks of the cows...

Sitting at this damn table is feeling more and more like torture... Mostly due to the fact that I know not answering Baigh will be considered rude... My mouth opening to say, "I'm tired is all."

...

Flinn

...

It seems as though tonight my weepiness is obvious... Mama and my brothers each checking on me over and over again... So much of their questions seeming to revolve around the tears that keep dropping into my already watered-down wine every time I lift my glass to my lips... The bitter taste of it seeming to soothe me slightly... The aching emptiness in my chest replaced by the subtle dizzying warmth that comes with the nip always delivered with our evening meal... The taste of apples rolling around in my tongue as if it were springtime again and my heart was unshattered.

I know I should not lean on my cup quite so heavily when so heartbroken... But I can certainly understand now why some people fall captive to the alluring type of comfort it seems to bring... No food on my plate looking quite so tempting or offering anything other than the flavors I've spent my life growing on... None of it seeming to actually fill the hole inside of me...

Maybe I would feel differently if I didn't feel as though both Emory and Baigh are staring at me... Both of them staring for the same exact reason... Both of them seeming content to chatter with each other in a way that makes me think that they might be discussing me... And the bitter taste that I've left in their mouths by rejecting them both... My choices in the matter not even choices...

The presence of my father here in the room filling it with his boisterous laughter and cheerful spirit, his happiness of Emory waking up seemingly only worse for wear from his traumatic ordeal in the sunlight seemingly spreadable to everyone else in the pack but me and they very vampire himself... The tiredness in his eyes as they meet mine once more shattering my soul into even smaller pieces as he raises his eyebrows at something Baigh has said before pausing... His eyes averting themselves just as he nods... His body seeming more and more deflated the longer he stays seated at the table...

At first, I am not sure what to expect...

But then...

But then Baigh leans over to whisper to my Father and my heart pounds so very heavily I'm afraid ot might jump right out of my chest... My rejection of him clearly not something to be kept secret even if the draw that I feel towards the mate I cannot acknowledge is... The pair of them sitting so far from me that I do not know what Emory has actually told Baigh and if the two of them might fancy getting me punished for having not been swayed by their affections...

Surely if Baigh loves me as much as he claims he does he would not find it in himself to be vile in that way... Stubborn as he is he has never been a petty man...

But I have absolutely no idea if Emory might find himself angered by my rejection now that he's had some rest and has had a chance to truly think about what I've said to him since waking up...

I didn't even let the man hope while he healed... I simply ripped his heart out with no thought other than saving my own hide from being stripped away and turned into leather by Papa...

I had only been worried about myself and the consequences that would be handed to me if I had pursued our connection... And I had given no real thought to the consequences to what might be for the rejection itself...

I barely know him... And yet I've given him so much power over my person...

But it seems that I've got nothing to worry over... Baigh and Emory instead rising from the table after receiving a nod to whatever Baigh must have asked... Baigh offering to help shoulder some of Emory's burden when it comes to supporting himself after the vampire swoons... And then just as quickly as the two of them had left me so shaken today in so many ways...

They're gone...