The Highlander's Charm

Ten

"There we are... " The inflection that Flinn's voice takes on as he and Baigh finally deliver me to the room that their pack has so graciously allowed me to claim, at least for now, is one that fills my heart with so much hope, and my chest with so much sadness... 

I can hear it... 

How much he already cares despite keeping himself from me and our bond... The way his slender arms seem to be doing so much more than aide in supporting me while he and Baigh practically drag me towards the bed as my legs begin to shake too badly from my exhaustion to assist them any longer with transporting me to the place where I shall finally be able to rest and close my eyes and imagine how lovely it would feel to still have Flinn held against me, both of us tucked into the bed he's helping lower me down onto... Still behaving as every bit of the angelic cherub as I imagined him to be with the way he ensures to pull the quilted bedding up around my shoulders... My pillows being fluffed so that he might make it known how much he silently cares... 

Flinn is so very gentle in the way he makes sure that I will be comfortable... And for a moment he makes my aching heart thunder... For his eyes meet mine just for a wee moment, his fingers finding my hair and caressing it after his hands leave the pillows... Just until Baigh clears his throat to let us know that he's noticed the odd bit of affection between us... And just like that his hand is gone from my tresses, his beautiful face flushed a healthy pink as he averts his eyes away from where he had almost met mine... 

...

Flinn

...

It's not my fault that Emory looks so haggard... But it doesnae feel good knowing that I've added to his distress... 

I could have at least let the man cling to the hope that the two of us might end up together once he regains his strength... But I stripped away that comfort from his being without even realizing just how cruel it was for me to do so... But I can see it now... 

The way his eyes are still so longing when they look at me... Even though I've told him he cannae ever have me...

Which explains why... right there with his longing... I find a heavy dose of the saddest kind of defeat... And I find myself hoping that even with the added weight that we now both wear around our shoulders that I've not made his condition too much worse... I pray that he'll not waste away in the face of being rejected so soon after nearly losing his life outside all by himself with none of his loved ones near... 

I know that here in the castle his loved ones are still not near... And that only adds to my guilt for I know that in his mind... I am likely counted among his loved ones now that he knows I exist... Even though we both know that I cannae let myself consider him the same if I am to save my heart from completely shattering and leaving me so much more than empty... 

To try and spare the man from seeing my tears I turn away from him completely and start my way towards the door with Baigh having just enough of a head start to hold it open for me when I draw near... 

Only to have Emory's rough nuzzle of a voice sound ever so quietly, "Flinn?"

Hearing Emory say my name reduces the emotional part of my being down to nothing more than a sad excuse of watered-down porridge, my arms coming up so that I might wrap them around myself in the form of a hug and recall just for a moment what it had felt like to not only be held by the sun-sick vampire tucked so securely in the bed behind me... But to sit in his lap and find comfort in his embrace... I know what it is like to be soothed by my mate and I know it shall never happen again...

I say nothing, just stay standing and wait for him to continue without turning around... Because even though Baigh can see my tears and will likely question it the moment we are in the hall alone together... I do not wish for Emory to be exposed to my vision of my face looks like when my heart is breaking... I wish not for him to see me as I start to fall apart as I had intended to earlier before Baigh had tried so wrongfully to comfort me with his mouth...

"Flinn... You lovely creature... Do not waste your tears on me... I- ", His voice is so unsteady when he addresses me... So unsteady but at the same time trying so very hard to be strong..."-have found myself the greatest thing I ever could have asked for... Even if we cannae be more than just friends... I've no ill-will towards the decision... So donnae cry Bonnie Lad..."

...

Emory

...

I tried my best to reassure my sweet Cherub that he needs not feel any guilt over his decision to reject me... To let him know that just because he doesna think we can ever be more doesna mean that I ever intend to walk away unless he asks me to... That I shall try and stay and watch over him as a friend even though we cannae ever act on the bond that is truly there...

But all I have managed to do is make things worse... The tears that my sweetly freckled soulmate was trying so hard to keep at bay join us in the room and I can smell the salt in them waft into the air as he bites back the sobs trying to escape from the back of his throat... One hand being pulled away from where it had rested around his waist so that he might bite on his knuckles to quiet himself before flinging himself out through the open door so quickly that all that is left of him after a single blink is a haunting after image and the lingering of his scent blended with the small of his tears hanging so heavily in the air... Baigh still standing in the doorway holding it open, his eyes trained on me as he tries to figure out what exactly has just played out before him...

......

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