The Highlander's Charm

Eleven

My heart cannae stand this... Knowing that I am the reason that Flinn is weeping and I cannae even go after the lad to comfort him in the state that I'm in... My being currently at the mercy of Baigh as he steps more into the room I've been granted shutting the door behind him... His eyebrows raised in a way that tells me that he intends to get answers as to what's going on between me and the freckled Angel that just fled from the room with tears in his eyes and an obviously heavy heart...

As much as I might want to give him the answers I know he shall want... But it feels as though telling the man such a private thing would only cause my precious Flinn problems... And that is the very last thing I want considering that I would like to stay here and bond with him in whatever capacity he'll allow... Just as long as I get to be near him... 

It is not as though I am not aware that the shifter in front of me couldna go before his Alpha and tell the man that I've made his delicate son cry... But I doubt that he will... For he knows I know that he took liberties with Flinn that would absolutely come to light if I were to be called before my host, the retelling of the day's events involving him as well as me... My lips not the ones that stole a kiss that was never mine to take... And if Flinn had not rejected me... I would certainly not be the reason for his tears, but that is not my choice to make and there will not ever be any thoughts of forcing him to change his mind. I can accept that he does not want to be mine... I just hope that he'll at least allow me to be a friend to him...

  And if needed, a protector.

... 

Flinn

...

I did not know that it was possible to break your own heart... And yet here I am... wondering if I should take myself to one of the healers to be looked at for I feel as though my entire soul has been crushed into dust over Emory's words... 

I donnae understand how he can still seem so caring and kind when he looks more pallid than a ghost resting on that bedding... How can I look at a vampire who seems like he lay there dying from all of his exhaustion from being trapped in the daylight for who knows how long and tell him that we cannae be together... 

I donnae understand how I am capable of being so cruel... 

As much as I want to go find Papa and have him hold me while I cry... Or head to a healer to try and get them to do something to fix me... To take the hurt of leaving my mate alone in his bed while he's suffering... I want to have someone tell me that I've made the right choice... And that it's better to have done it now than to give Emory something false to live for...

But if I do so how can I know that Papa won't turn Emory out or worse? 

He'll already be upset at me for turning down Baigh... I cannae imagine what he would do if he were to think that Emory was the cause of Baigh's rejection... His second in command dearer to his own heart than he is to mine. Papa will be devastated with the news of Baigh's rejection and it shall leave him in a foul mood... I know it shall... 

And then there will be three men in this castle mad at me... Two of them for breaking their hearts... One of them for destroying the hope he had to make his Beta an official part of our family... With two swift rejections, I have dug a hole of grief so deep for myself that I donna know how to escape from without causing more pain to us all... I have no one to turn to with this pain in my chest... 

I know that there are two here in this castle that understand how much my heart hurts at the moment... But they cannae understand the depth of the tears that join it... The fact that I have to hurt my mate when he is in such a vulnerable state crushing me... Knowing that even though I have wounded him he still offers me friendship with such hope in his voice saying that he shall be happy just knowing of me... 

It is a just punishment if not a heavy blow to know that the vampire whose life was meant to be entwined with mine is so gentle in his need of me that he would settle for being near me even though we can never be together without angering my Papa... A mate who holds me even after I've rejected him just to soothe my tears... It shows me that Emory... I feel as though Emory would have always treated me with such kindness... The way he extended affection to me trying to soothe my tears away even so weakened and exhausted...

It had almost sounded as if he had been on the verge of opening his arms up to me so that I might climb into that bed beside him so that he might rub my back and soothe my tears just as he had been doing in the hallway... I am just so very glad that he refrained from doing so for I donnae think I could have resisted the urge to collapse into him while we both grieve the choice I have made that was never really a choice at all...

The Gods were cruel to us both... Giving Emory a mate who cannae accept him... And giving me a mate who clearly cares so much that I cannae lean on no matter how badly I want to... 

So I shall keep myself here where I lay now in my bed... The chair to my desk pushed under my doorknob to prevent anyone from trying to come in over the sound of my tears, much less come in and try to kiss them away as Baigh had...