The Highlander's Charm

Fourteen

My mind has no time to wander while I lean as heavily as I can on Baigh's generous support... His graciousness to offer to lead me either to bed or to the cattle more appreciated than I would like to admit considering that the man has tasted the lips that were meant to be mine... But at the moment I have no other choice but to depend on him...

Sitting in the dining hall had proved too much for me... The sound of Flinn's open weeping and the way his scent had wrapped itself so completely around me... I had nearly been overcome with my need to feed... The action in and of itself soothing in a way that I know would be hard for either of us to put to words other than that it is the most comforting of embraces... 

I know neither my bite nor my embrace would be welcome though... And having to listen to him cry was a suffering neither of us deserves... I had needed to take my leave... And unfortunately, the only way that was possible for me was to rely on the one man in this castle that I reckon I'll never be able to truly stand...

"Will you be able to stand long enough to feed? Or shall I have to hold you?" The man's question catches me off guard... But I suppose it isn't misplaced with how hard I am having to work to keep my feet underneath me and not dragging behind us...

"I should be able to stand if you help me find a handhold on one of the cows." The only response I get from him is a grunt as we turn another corner, the scent of hay finally being carried to us on the slight breeze that's working its way through the halls... The animal keep not that far from where we are...

At first, I think that I am lucky and that I shall not have to bear any more conversation with Baigh... The two of us far from being friends, now or anytime soon...Unfortunately, that ends up not being the case though, the one topic I do wish to avoid with everyone being the one topic he chooses to bring up, my slow heart set to pounding when he askes, "So... You're Flinn's mate... aye?"

...

Flinn

...

"Hold it." I had been so quiet when I had asked if I could excuse myself that I was convinced everyone would let me slip away without complaint, my siblings all having stopped asking what was wrong after Papa hushed both them and me for causing a fuss while everyone was trying to enjoy the meal... But instead, I find my wrist snagged by my father as I try to walk past his chair in order to head back to my chamber, "I want to see you in my study later, Flinn. Don't think I wasna paying attention to all of the tears splashing into yer wine."

I nod to him as he drops my wrist and lets me continue on in leaving the dining hall... My mind spinning over what he might think all of my distress is about... Not that I should be surprised that he noticed... Papa might not be the best at matchmaking... But he's always been much more than just observant...

Instead of feeling relieved over Papa's concern over me though... I find myself filled with nerves and apprehension... My stomach turning over wondering if I might be a good enough liar to prevent Papa from finding out that I've rejected Baigh and why I've rejected his second hand man... For I do not know if I am...

I do not know how I shall keep myself from falling apart in front of him with his no-nonsense gruffness... I know I need to try though... Because Emory needs time to heal before worrying over being chased off of pack land...

He needs a safe place to recover from all of the damage that the war did to his body and to his mind and we are one of the few places left that remains untouched and protected from all of the violence... And if I tell Papa that he revealed himself to be exactly who I thought he was when I found him I know he shall never be allowed to stay... Not when he did not reveal himself to Papa first and how he steeled my nerves in the rejection of Baigh's feelings...

I do not see Papa forgiving either one of us... For me, it's different because Papa would never drive off blood... He might stop speaking to me for a time... But this place will always be my home... Because he refuses to abandon family... Emory has no such protections though... And I've got no idea if he has anywhere he might be able to turn to if we turn him out so soon... So soon before he's anywhere near healed...

I let myself think on it while my feet guide my winding path through the halls... My heart still so very broken as I slowly make my way up to my chamber... My only desire to climb back into my bed so that I might curl up and get the rest of my tears out of my soul before I have to see Papa so that my performance might be more believable... My body pausing only when I hear a conversation I know I have no business listening in on... My heart fluttering about in my chest while I stare at the back of Baigh's head as I spy him helping Emory limp down one of the lower staircases as if to make their way outside... My ears refusing to focus on anything else while they discuss exactly what I had been afraid they had been discussing in the dining hall...

Me.