dead parent club (philidosia)

butter and ink

Philip's POV
my hand flew to my eyes and covered them as i woke up. The sunlight of July streamed through the window and shone onto my face. Tiredly, I sat up and ran my fingers through my blondish hair. I swung my legs out of bed and jumped over the papers strewn all over the floor, I wanted to be a poet and was practicing for the future. I opened my bedroom door and carefully walked out onto the stairs, not wanting to wake pops. I heard noises late last night so I assumed Maria was over again and if she was, Pops would be tired this morning.
I crept into the kitchen and raided the cupboards, I made a mental note to go shopping later today as I got the last four slices of bread from the bag and slotted them into the toaster, two for me and two for pops. I grabbed the butter from the fridge and slammed it onto the kitchen counter and hoisted myself up next to it.
"Alexa, play my playlist." I said sleepily and nodded my head as Revolution by The Beatles began to play at low volume from Alexa.
I heard thumping on the stairs and Maria walked into the hallway.
"Hey darlin'." She greeted me as she picked up her handbag
"Hi Mars."
She winked at me and smiled before walking out of the door.
After a few minutes, Pops stumbled into the kitchen. His hair was greasy and his eye bags more prominent than ever but he hadn't come downstairs for a few days so i was happy to see him.
"Hey Pa."
He scratched his head and blinked a few times, looking bewildered to see me.
"Hey Mijo." He said, he voice raw and tired. He grabbed the butter and and spoon and began eating it from the tub. I smirked and he grinned at me. The toast popped out of the toaster, making me jump slightly and Pa laughed.
"You're a skittish little bug aren't you Pip?" He chuckled, ruffling my hair
I smiled and shook my head, buttering the toast.
"Here." I said, slapping the toast on a plate and handing it to him.
"Aw thanks pippy but I should be doing that for you."
"Don't sweat it pa." I said coolly but inside I was doing backflips. He hadn't called me pippy for ages, not since dad died. Maybe he was finally starting to like me a bit more. We ate our toast and pa retreated back to his room to write. I wasn't allowed in his room unless it was important.
I leaned my head against the cupboards and became lost in my memories.

It was night time. I was eleven years old and it was a few weeks after Dad died. I had decided that it was time to go to bed and was walking miserably to my room and found myself stopping outside of Pa's room, should i go in and say goodnight? Should I leave it? How will he know that I've gone to bed?
I pushed open the door and took a deep breath.
I shifted nervously in the doorway
"Um Papi?" I said barely above a whisper
He seemed to have heard me as he grunted in response.
"I'm going to bed now." I told him, fiddling with the end of my t shirt
"Ok?" My dad replied, looking up at me for a moment, confusion masking his face.
"C-can I have a kiss goodnight?"
"Come here then."
I shuffled towards him and he planted a rough kiss on my forehead
"Night night Pippy." He said hastily and pushed me out the door.
Tears brimming my eyes, I fell into my bed and cried into my pillow.
Hours later, I heard the door open and someone step inside my room, I kept deathly still.
The covers were pulled away from my face and soft lips gently placed themselves on my cheek.
"I love you Philip, so damn much you outshine the morning sun and when you smile, I fall apart and one day you'll blow us all away, you know that pip?" He spoke to me, all the while stroking my hair with his big hand.
He brought his face close to mine and i felt water drip onto my cheeks, warm and salty. He kissed me again and stood up. I slowly opened my eyes and looked at the retreating figure, Pa. I smiled and went to sleep somewhat happy.

I was sucked out of my trance and smiled softly at the memory. I pulled on my old clothes and ran outside to skate.
Around the afternoon, I saw Mr burr and his daughter, Theodosia, pass my house, they were holding hands and he looked like he truly loved her. I thought back to my dad, in his office. I bet Mr Burr doesn't spend all his time in his room, writing God knows what, I bet Mr Burr doesn't invite a woman over to have sex with because he's stressed, I bet Mr Burr doesn't make his kid do all the work in the house and go shopping for food I bet Mr Burr doesn't make his kid cook dinner every night. Philip felt jealous for the first time. Jealous of their big house and nice things and cool dad. Philip sighed as they passed and went back inside and switched on some mindless show on TV