The Private Servers of Life 4

Act 6: Upbeat Funerals/Guacamole Field Trip

Scene 1:

A month has passed. It's now March. Linda, or better yet, her fake identity Stacy has been pronounced dead by the New Zealand authorities, and a funeral is about to take place. Clive and his wife, Candace, have just arrived in New Zealand, and are on their way to Linda's funeral.

Clive: Fuck... How? How do people manage to fake cry?

Candace: They usually just think of sad memories.

Clive: I've tried that yesterday, in the mirror. Nothing happened. Not one single tear.

Candace: I know, I tried that as well... Fuck, why is my life so perfect?

Clive: Not even when I thought of Eddie and Linda together.

Candace: (passive-aggressive) Why would that upset you? I exist.

Clive: I know, babe... This is gonna be a disaster. They're gonna be there, crying their eyeballs out, and we'll be like "oh, Stacy is dead. Big deal."

Candace: You should have told them the truth. It would make things much easier for everyone.

Clive: I know, but at the time, Noah didn't tell his friends the truth, so I thought, why the fuck should I?... But Eddie did, and it made things so much easier for him... What if I told them today?

Candace: Pfft, you can't do that! Not after all these years. It's too fucking late.

Clive: Better late than never.

Candace: Not in this case. They're gonna think you lost your mind. And when you show them proof, it'll freak them out. It's been 9 years. You can't just tell them Darius isn't Darius.

Clive: Wouldn't it be easier for them to be understanding, now that we're all adults and it's been almost a decade?

Candace: No, because it means it took you that long to finally trust them.

Clive: Fuck... I just hope Noah is having a better funeral.

[They finally find the place]

Candace: It's here.

Clive: I can hear them crying inside... Fuck, what do we do?

Candace: I got it! Let's just grab each other's asses, as hard as possible.

Clive: What? No!

Candace: Do you wanna come off as a douche?

Clive: Obviously, no.

Candace: Then do it. You gotta look human.

Clive: (sigh) Fine!

[They squeeze each other's butts so hard, tears come out of their eyes]

Candace: (crying) Fuck! I barely even knew this girl, and she's not really dead! Why, god? Why?

Clive: (crying) It worked. Let's go inside.

[They enter, and immediately are received with hugs, by Kaipo, Leonard, Kimi, TIffany and Claire, who are all crying as well]

Kaipo: (sobbing) Finally, you guys are here.

Claire: (sobbing) This is so sad.

Clive: (sobbing) Yep... The girl is once loved is dead.

Candace: (whispering in Clive's ear) Bruh, don't overdo it.

Scene 2:

The same thing is happening in Australia, for Eddie's fake identity, Landon. Noah and Saskia are waiting outside a chapel, where the funeral will be held. Leo shows up.