'Till the end of times -Roger Taylor

1975.2

It was almost two months since Rory found out she was pregnant. They hadn't told anyone yet. Rory hadn't been much out of the house, she didn't want anyone to see her baby bump. Roger told her that it was stupid because she didn't have a baby bump yet. 
Roger was dying to tell the boys that he was going to be a father. Every day he risked telling them. If it was for him, he would have told the whole world the very first moment he realized what was about to happen in 9 months.
Rory and Roger were sleeping together, Roger's hand was on her tummy. He was always hoping to feel a little kick, even though Rory had told him many times that the baby wouldn't start kicking until the fourth month.
An excruciating pain woke her up. She sat up but it only made it worse.
"Roger!" she shook his arm, hoping that he would wake up.
"Mh..go back to sleep" he mumbled, turning around.
"Roger wake up, there is something wrong"
Roge bolted up and turned on the light.
"What's wrong?"
She felt another sharp pain in her stomach and started crying.
They saw blood on the white bedsheets and Rory started crying even more.
"Roger- she let out a scream for the pain- I'm scared"
Roger helped her get up.
"I know baby, I'm here, there is nothing to scared of"

It was almost morning when they came home from the hospital. The sun was ready to rise.
The drive back was silent. It was not an awkward silence like the first days they went out, but Rory would have given everything in her life to experience that silence instead of the one filled with pain that was hovering in the car.
Roger fetched her a hot bath, preparing a new set of pyjamas and throwing away the hospital gown she was given. He went into their room and, without turning the light on, he changed the sheets. He couldn't bear looking at the blood stain on them. He threw the sheets out, without bothering to even wash them.
Rory walked out of the bathroom and went sitting on the sofa, waiting for Roger to bring her a cup of tea.
She was looking at the nothing in front of her. In her eyes there was only pain, not a whiff of the beautiful light she had been having in them over the last couple of months, nor of her beautiful pregnancy glow.
Roger sat next to her and they drank their tea in silence. They both felt broken, as something was missing, because something was actually missing. It was gone and it was never coming back.
Rory placed the cup on the coffee table and took Roger's hand. She finally burst out crying. She put her head on Roger's lap.
"I wanted it gone, Roger. I didn't want them"
He started caressing her back.
"I know baby, everything is going to be fine."
"No you don't understand" she said in between sobs "When I was waiting for you I hoped for the baby to disappear. I didn't want to be a mother"
She buried her face on his lap.
"This was the only way my mum and dad could see their grandkid, now they never will"
Roger caressed her head. Tears started falling on his cheeks. He wanted to let go, to cry, to sob loudly, but he knew Rory was in pain and he had to be strong for her.

They didn't even know how much time had passed since the last time they went out. They were not eating much and were staying the majority of their day on the sofa, doing nothing, dressed in the same old sweatsuits. They didn't even have the strength to shower, leave alone see people. The phone had been ringing like crazy. They had told no one about it and everyone was worried about them.
It was just another, monotonous day, but in the middle of the morning the doorbell rang. Roger stood up and walked to open the door.
Brian was standing behind it, worried for the two of them.
"Oh my God, what happened mate? You look like shit"
Knowing that Rory wouldn't want to see anyone, he walked out closing the door. He fell on the floor, allowing himself to cry or the first time in weeks.
"I lost my baby, Brian. I lost my baby"
He was finally crying loudly. Brian welcomed him into his arms.
"Wait what? Did something happen to Rory?"
Roger shook his head.
"She was pregnant, Brian. We lost the child. I was going to be a dad"
He started sobbing into Brian's arms. Brian just held him closer, nothing he could say would make things better. It was a type of pain he had never felt and he knew that Roger hated condescending sympathies. Roger was his best friend and Brian knew that he just needed a hug.

Brian had told the rest of the boys,who started visiting one by one, bringing food and offering to help with whatever they might need. John and Veronica had their baby,but they didn't tell them, although Roger and Rory ended up figuring it out since last time they had seen Veronica, she was pregnant and then she was not anymore. They were happy for them but, deep down, they didn't understand why John and Veronica could have had their baby, and they didn't.
It was a long process to recover. As soon as they started feeling a little better, the boys started to meet in order to discuss the new album. Roger even started practising again. For Rory it was more difficult. Mary and Veronica visited every day, keeping her company when Roger was away. They went for short walks in the park, shopping trips and did simple things together.
For Rory it was getting easier when she was with someone else's company. It was in the moments when she was alone that she felt like she couldn't do it anymore. She kept looking at her stomach, expecting it to get bigger, to start feeling the little kicks that Roge was waiting for. She hated herself for wishing she'd never gotten pregnant in the first place and she hated her body for not being able to carry her baby.