Silent Battles (COMPLETE)

Chapter 8

I bit my lower lip and cried hard.

"Umiiyak na ko bwisit ka!"

"Maya ka na matulog, please?"

"I want your hug," I replied.

"Then go outside, I'm here."

My eyes grew bigger and immediately opened my window.

And there he is, standing outside with his umbrella, wearing his favorite sweater.

My phone suddenly rings, he's calling.

I answered it.

"Hi," he said.

"BA'T KA NANDYAN?!?! Ala una na!"

We're talking in phone, but our eyes fixated at each other.

"I can afford to lose myself but not you"

"Ano ka ba?!?!?!!??!!? BUMABAGYO!" I exclaimed

"Di ko matiis" he said, and I can see him smiling and tears in his eyes, "Habang hindi mo ko sinasagot nasa byahe na ko. Kanina pa kita tinititigan, and as I contemplate, I can't really see my life without you. You crafted me into someone only associated with you. Sorry, for making you doubt what we have. Sorry, for triggering your anxiety, and sorry for making you overthink."

I bit my lower lip again, can't think of anything to say but my heart's melting so fine.

"Ayusin natin to, hmm? Mahal na mahal lang talaga kita. Ayokong matutulog kang malungkot. Ayokong matutulog kang may dinadamdam at gigising na nakasimangot. You're too precious for that. I made a promise of not letting you go sleep sad, and I will fulfill that promise as long as my physical body is alive, kahit na ako nalang masaktan wag lang ikaw. Ganun kita kamahal."

"Para kang sira..." I said as my tears once again flow, seeing him below, our eyes still fixated at each other, his phone on his ears.

"Sabi nila, there will be challenges in love, as if the universe will test your relationship if you can go through all the odds. Majority failed, while only few succeeded. So they said, you must choose the right person to be with, the worthy person to suffer with. But you know what the funny thing is?"

He smiled weakly, his eyes trapping my eyes,

"I didn't choose you, my heart did."

Right after our fight he said that i need to slee, then as i close my eyes i realized how lucky I am to have a Laure  Relovy Alcantara in my life.

After that fight bumawi siya, he spend more time with me kaysa nung nakaraan madalas kaming magpunta ng mall okaya mga sikat na restaurants, ganun narin mga sikat na hotel para kumain sa mga sikat na kainan sa pampanga ng isang araw habang kumakain kami  I saw my dad naka hawak siya sa baywang ng isang babae habang ang babae naman ay tila nakayakap na sakanya biglang bumigat ang dibdib ko naluha ang mga mata ko, Napansin naman ni Relovy ang tinitignan ko ng makita niya ay agad ng kinabig ang kamay ko nag iwan siya ng pera sa table namin tsaka ako hinila palabas, habang ako naman ay nagsisimula ng umiyak. "That's my first time to see my dad with someone else ansakit pala." Tumatawa kunwaring sabi ko sakanya. Di nako naka tanggap ng sagot mula sakanya, hinatid nyako sa bahay namin nagpumilit siyang samahan ako pero mas nagpumilit akong hindi na nakita ko din naman si Mommy na nasa sala nagpapahinga gaya ng nakasanayan ay humalik lang ako sa pisngi niya at umakyat sa kwarto ko, dun ako umiyak ng umiyak andaming pumasok na negative thoughts sa utak ko gaya ng hindi ba kami sapat ni mommy para kay daddy, alam ko madalas silang busy sa trabaho madalas kong maramdaman na wala na silang pakialam sakin pero di ko alam na ganun pala yun na may gap na pala sakanilang dalawa para gawin ni daddy yun.

Umiyak lang ako ng umiyak hanggang sa makatulog ako, nagising ako ng blanko na naman wala akong maramdaman sa sarili ko namumugto parin ang mga mata ko. Magsimula ang araw na yun di nako nagsabi ng problema kay Relovy naging busy din kami pareho dahil pareho na kaming graduating student, mas naging madalas naman ang pag atake ng anxiety ko at madalas din akong mag break down, mas napadalas narin ang pag ooverthink ko.

At dahil sa mga yun madalas kong nararamdaman na lagi akong binabalewala, naging madalas narin ang pagsermon sakin ng parents ko dahil di ko nami-meet ang mga expectations nila hanggang sa I reached my limits.

Lauren Relovy Alcantara's point of view

Habang binabasa ko ang ginawang suicide letter ni Extina sakin sobrang sakit sa part ko alam ko may kasalanan din ako.

Andito ako ngayon sa kwarto niya nakikita kong punong puno ng dugo ang kama niya at halos maligo na siya mula sa kanyang sariling dugo, sobrang sakit sa pakiramdam na yung taong mahal na mahal ko eto ngayon naka higa naliligo ng dugo sa harap ko. Hindi ko mapigilan ang tuloy tuloy na pag agos ng luha ko habang binabasa ang sulat na ginawa niya para sakin.

"I'M SORRY"

Hi to my favorite person, Lauren Relovy Alcantara I just wanna tell you this;
-I'm sorry for being selfish all the time.
-I'm sorry if I can't make you happy.
-I'm sorry for failing your expectations.
-I'm sorry I can't give you enough time.
-I'm sorry if I can't do what they can.
-I'm sorry for being such a badass and moody.
-I'm sorry for being angry every-day.
-I'm sorry if I can't be your ideal person.
-I'm sorry if I'm not enough.
-I'm sorry for my mistakes.
-I'm sorry for ignoring you when I saw you happy with others.
-I'm sorry if I can't bring back the past.
-I'm sorry if I'm tiring you.
-I'm sorry for making you give up.
-I'm sorry for lying that I'm okay when actually not.
-I'm sorry for jealousing for no reason.
-I'm sorry if I am a cry baby.
-I'm sorry for being mad when you're interested with other business.
-I'm sorry for expecting too much.
-I'm sorry for always leaving you, when I know you can even without me.
-I'm sorry for thinking what can help us grow, and not what's make you happy.
-I'm sorry because I'm weak.

And most of all,

-I'm sorry for being just me.

                                           DR.GE.ARIZALA.